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Originally Posted by Red Light
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Now I translated it. Enjoy.
The seven metal truths
Alexi Laiho, the frontman of Children of Bodom, told us some serious facts about heavy music. After this you'll know what is "heavy metal".
[This first paragraph is about a tv-show that told about how satanic and evil heavy metal is and blablabla...didn't see the point of translating it.]
1. Heavy metallers drink a lot of booze
This is supported by the fact that when I met the singer-guitarist of Children of Bodom on saturday 18 o'clock, he says he has hangover. And second, on the bands recent dvd a pretty alcohol-filled adventure was made to the lake Bodom and "Ruistopuisto", among many other places. And third, Alexi Laiho has with Klamydias Vesa "Vesku" Jokinen and To/Die/Fors (among others) Tonmi Lillman a band named Kylähullut, that makes records drunk. And fourth, Alexi later reveals that his drivers licence got suspended because of driving drunk, when he was still "young and stupid".
You hurt your hand in the beginning of the year. Was this alcohol-related?
"It was a basic drunken accident. I happened to fall from the roof of a car", Alexi Laiho laughs - and takes a sip of beer.
"It could have been worse. It was pretty depressive with a broken hand, a black eye and the stitches and all that. I don't give a shit about some black eye, but the hand was a worse thing."
How did the record label react when you should have been going to the studio but the artist has a cast in his hand?
"Actually there was one guy from Spinefarm with me when it happened. Our management was like 'do you always have to fuck around'. Of course, they didn't mean it rude. Then I got pretty anxious myself when others started to say that we should be in the studio and we don't have any songs. I was like shut up, you'll get the songs. I knew that the songs would come eventually, but of course they were worried", Laiho says - and takes another sip of his drink.
"On the other hand we were lucky, because we had just finished our two years of touring and we didn't have to cancell any gigs. And it was a kind of kick in the ass, that when I got better and we started to practise new songs, everything else was left second. We just concentrated on playing and practising."
2. Heavy metal demands playing skills
Alexi Laiho is supposedly a talented player. At least he's made to the cover of Guitar World with internationally known pros Steve Vai and Zakk Wylde. He also has the approval of Klaus Järvinen, since he's been studying in Oulunkyläs Pop/Jazz conservatory.
"I started to take violin lessons when I was 7. I played in an orchestra and also went to the theory lessons. Then I started to take guitar lessons and got to go to Ogel. Janne (Wirman, the keyboardist) has also been to Ogel. Roope (Latvala, the second guitarist) has taken some classical guitar lessons and I think he was in the Sibelius high school. Jaska (Raatikainen, the drummer) has also taken some classical lessons.
"Practising is still fun. I can still be at home playing for hours. It's not like I had to, but I enjoy it enormously. In the beginning of the year I didn't play for 7 weeks, when I broke my hand. It was the longest break since the day I got my first guitar. You can imagine what burning feeling develops when you want to play, but you can't. I tried to practise something with my left hand, even though I had a cast on my right hand. I got so pissed and destressed when I couldn't play."
What if your hand would have gotten in a condition that you couldn't play guitar anymore?
"I don't even want to think what would happen if I could't play. Nothing good anyway. It was never said that I couldn't ever play anymore, but I could have lasted for months. Three bones were smashed. I had to go to the x-rays and magnet pictures and and all kinds of things to know if it required surgery. But if I could'n play.. I can't think of anything else I could do."
3. Heavy metal is aggressive
Children of Bodom have taken their name from a violent crime of a rare level of obscenity. On the bands new album (that's named Are you dead yet?) are also many songs about violence, like Punch me I bleed.
"The aggression in our music comes from real feelings. Sometimes it's shaped as black humor, that reflects what kind of guys we are. Everybody have those feelings sometimes. I won't believe it for a second if someone says that one's never pissed or angry."
"I can lose my nerve very quickly, but it also passes quickly. If I get stuck in a traffic or play Playstation, I can get a horribly ill temper, but it soon passes. I believe that those people who never lose their nerve become serial killers. If you always keep everything inside and don't let anything out, eventually it explodes. I don't think you need to hide it if you're pissed about something."
Have you ever hit or been hit?
"I have hit and been hit."
With or without a reason?
"You mean hit or been hit? I have never hit anyone without a reason, but I have been hit without a reason many times. Someone walks towards me in the street and doesn't like the way I look and I have gotten into a fight. The last time was when I was year and a half ago in some bar in Eastern Helsinki. One of my friends was working there and I was totally hammered. I waited for her to get out of work, but then I of course passed out sitting at some table. Then some random guy grabbs my hair and calls me a fucking junkie faggot. You don't just do that. I had a reflex that now this guy's getting it. But I'm not violent at all. I never start fights, I think they suck."
4. Heavy metal men are homophobic
The world of heavy metal is very manly. Guitars and fists are often raised like erected in the air and upper bodies are revealed to thousands of people without a shame. That's why some heavy metallers might have a need to prove to surely be interested in women. With some people this might lead to real homophobia.
"At some time there was a rumour going on that I and Janne are a gay couple. Everything started I think when we had a gig in Kanada. I and Janne were totally drunk and then we kissed just for humor. There was some guy who obviously was very homophobic because he went to the Internet whining 'oh hell, I have listened to CoB but I'll never do it again for sure' 'they're gay? oh god, I can't listen to them anymore!' Then more people got into it and in the end it grew so big that some people started to defend this relationship of me and Janne. Like 'hey, if they're fags so what, it's not that bad'. We were like fuck no. Hello, heh heh."
5. Heavy metal diggers are loyal
This doesn't mean relations between couples but between the artist and the fans. Alexi Laiho thinks this is true.
"At some time I wanted to buy a Gimmel-shirt, but you couldn't find them anywhere. I don't know if they even exist. Diggers of that kind of music are not even near as devoted as the heavy metal diggers, who buy and collect all stuff, shirts and other shit that bands do. It's so much easier to find a Stratovarius-lawn-mower than a Hanna Pakarinen -fanshirt."
"To the devotion also relates taking the band serious. I remember when I was a kid myself, if you digged some band and some other ones mocked it, it was like a defamation. You had to defend your favorite band till the end."
6. Even the worst heavy metal is the best
According to an obviously humorous anecdote heavy music is like pornography: even in its worst it is the best. Alexi Laihos memories support this anecdote.
"When I as a kid digged Metallica, Anthrax and Stone, I still secretly digged some Poison, but you couldn't say it out loud. Nowadays there aren't that kind of limitations. I still like the same stuff as a kid. It's still nice to listen to Poison and drink beer."
"I grew up with bands like Twisted Sister, W.A.S.P. and Mötley Crüe. I think the idea comes from there that if you're in a band you have makeup and these things (shakes his bracelets). Maybe that look isn't that common in death metal bands, but to me it has come pretty automatically."
To heavy metal being the best is usually also related the visuality of it. For example Skatalites from Jamaika didn't have a Plymouth Fury car on the stage in last summers Ilosaarirock Festival. Children of Bodom did.
"We wanted to get a little ghetto and slum feeling into it. The pyrotechnics also went from the fact that all the fire streams wouldn't suit us so we have these oil barrels, that people warm up next to in some slumms. The trashed car fit into this. If some car freak happens to be reading this I tell you that the car wasn't violated, it was a wreck from the beginning. I myself dig American cars so I wouldn't have demolished it. We just sawed the wreck in half so it would be easier to transport. And the car of course has to be cruel-looking. If you drag a Ford Fiesta on the stage, it wouldn't work."
7. Heavy metal is childrens music
This sentence has been heard many times from the known singer-guitarist Jouni Kalervo Hynynen from Kotiteollisuus.
"I don't think it's childrens music. Or well, it is childrens music too. It's easy to say that heavy metal is stupid and if you look at it the right way, it is. All the macho bullshit and boasting, it's stupid in all formats... but it's still cool!"
"For example, let's think which one is more childrens music, heavy metal or Britney Spears. There are 50-year-old guys that dig Purple and Sabbath, but you can't find a 50-year-old lady who digs Britney Spears. These MTV stars are much more childrens music."
How about the lyrics?
"You can always find something stupid about the lyrics, no matter what genre. I think it's cooler to have something stupid over the top -things than just something boring. If you compare anything that comes from MTV to some Mötley Crüe lyrics, it's just so boring that you ignore it. Is it so much smarter to sing about some stupid love stories in every song", Alexi Laiho asks.
I leave this without an answer.
"In some places people give lots of respect to bands that have political lyrics. I don't give a shit about their attitude or what they take a stand on, but if it's good music I can dig it. For example I dig a lot of System of a Down, even though they have political perspectives. Still I can't understand why someone does it. I'll quote Alice Cooper, who said pretty well in one interview, that all shit that happens in this world in all over the papers and television. Rock music should be a getaway to somewhere else, when you're in a gig or listening to a record, you can forget everything else."
"The first time when I was in subway in Tokyo, I saw some guys in suits lying and sleeping on the seats. It was so absurd. It's like they had passed out in there, but they work 14 hours a day at the office and then ride a few times back and fourth in the subway to get some sleep, because there's no sense going at home. The same guys come to our gigs straight from work wearing suits. For that 90 minutes they can act like they never can anywhere else. They come to shout and mess around. If you can give a moment like that for people to forget everything else, I wouldn't start to babble about politics or about what wrong did George Bush say this time."