It sounds like you know what you want, so there are two choices: 1) start your own thing or 2) try to find something in line with what you want. As for us...
I had played in original and cover bands for years, though I had been out of it for a while. So I got back into it and played in 3 different cover bands (eventually got bored with it - though it did pay well). So then I started Odin's Court. At first we covered metal of all types to get going and slowly introduced originals. Some worked, some didn't. We eventually had a core of songs that would be recorded and made the transition to original band that sometimes does covers for fun.
As for the people, I pretty much laid out the "rules" of the band and explained the direction and my vision up front (with original and replacement members). Scott (original bassist) was always very supportive and on board. John came in replacing the short lived original drummer and was also into what we did, and that was our core for several years. Craig Moran came in on keys/backing vocals and was a great addition, though he eventually left for other responsibilities. Up until then, we were always local to each other - within 15 minutes in fact. It was lucky to find people who were into the same things as me.
When Craig M. left, I was contemplating getting another guitarist anyway, so I figured it was a good time to try 2 new people at once. I knew Savino from the Dream Theater message board, and Rick from OC playing gigs with his old band. Rick introduced me to Craig when Scott left for job reasons, and that is where we are now. Now instead of all of us being local, we're 2.5 hours apart and all scattered about. Though John lives within walking distance of me (2 blocks). LOL
But it is definitely hard to find people who share a vision, and we're very lucky to have each other in OC. It's not just about the music, but hanging out with people you relate to with common interests. We're friends as well as bandmates, which can be rare as anyone who has ever been in a band may know.
So if you want to do original stuff that is a very specialized and non-commercial genre, it may be best to start something on your own. Finding a band is often hard, though no matter what, you'll have to compromise at some point - it's just how much that dictates what you will/won't find.
