[john_lord]

that's fucking awesome really!!

well you said you wanted constructive criticism, right? a writer must always describe each scene with detail... but you missed a specific detail!!! you should at least refer to Mark's size in some way!!

and i see you've given me a new nickname! JL! that's nice, it's like a rapper's nick, but you could also just call me John or Johnny! nevermind though,whatever you like, JL seems cool!