cybersex jokes... hem

Celtik Militia · April 14th, 2005, 03:39 PM

ok we've been having many serious conversations here, it is now time for a joke thread as it is the tradition.

the following link shows cybersex conversations where this dude, who calls himself bloodninja in the first conversations and changes his usernames later on (but you will easilly recognise him), makes fun of his partners, and i personnally find it fucking hilarious... but you are intitled to your own opinion. i just felt like sharing this.

here you go, i hope you enjoy : http://www.distortedprism.com/text/bloodcyber.html

TheLastWithPaganBlood · April 14th, 2005, 04:15 PM

HAHAHA this is the funniest shit I've read in ages. I haven't had this much fun since Bush won the reelection. LOL. Seriously this is amazingly funny.

sweet17: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
Bloodninja: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy....
Bloodninja: Not to mention all the groceries.
sweet17: Go f**k yourself
Bloodninja: I was going to until I saw that picture
Bloodninja: Now my unit won't get hard for a week.

The first one is also good, hehe

TheLastWithPaganBlood · April 14th, 2005, 04:16 PM

I need to try this myself sometime; anyine knows a good site?

EVERLOSTINDEADETERNITY · April 14th, 2005, 05:02 PM

I saw this many years ago and laughed my ass off then as well as now.

Billy Steele · April 14th, 2005, 05:21 PM

That one where the guy dons his wizard hat and robe had me rolling. That must be what sex is like power-metal style.

víkingr · April 14th, 2005, 06:42 PM

He's making fun of MMORPG geeks in that one. I've seen that one on bash.org before. bash.org is actually one of the greatest sites full of funny things people write on irc, it has tons of stuff like that by bloodninja.

For isntance:
<xterm> The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?

<Guo_Si> Hey, you know what sucks?
<TheXPhial> vaccuums
<Guo_Si> Hey, you know what sucks in a metaphorical sense?
<TheXPhial> black holes
<Guo_Si> Hey, you know what just isn't cool?
<TheXPhial> lava?

Rabidplaybunny87: Okay, so my neighbors officially hate me
GarbageStan23: why?
Rabidplaybunny87: Well, me, david and andrew were having a bonfire in the backyard, and we were making s'mores and all... and suddenly we here sirens, and see a firetruck turn into the street in front of us.
Rabidplaybunny87: So we all went running to see what was up, and our neigbor's house was on fire!
GarbageStan23: oh shit!
Rabidplaybunny87: Yeah, and when we got there, the wife was crying into her husbands arms, and we were just kinda standing there, and then she saw us, and then like for 10 seconds, gave us the dirtiest look ever
Rabidplaybunny87: Turns out, we were still holding our sticks with marshmallows on it, watching the fire....
Rabidplaybunny87: talk about bad timing...

and for the ones who use IRC

I think the others won't get it):
<AgentSmith> It seems you have been leading two lives, Mr. Anderson. In one life, you are Robert Anderson, assistant cook at a Jack in the Box in Mesquite....in the other...you go by the chat alias "Randerson"...spreading homosexual propoganda, lying, and being a generally immature pest...
<AgentSmith> One of these...has a future.
<Randerson> LMAO OMFG where's the phone, I have to tell Dean about this
<AgentSmith> How can you use the phone when you cannot...speak?
*** AgentSmith sets mode: +m

DemonsAndLies666 · April 14th, 2005, 10:25 PM

Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?
Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly.I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.
Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.
Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.
Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!
Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.
Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.

holy shit. i about pissed myself reading this shit.

Fimbul-Winter · April 15th, 2005, 07:06 AM

hahahahaha

RideForVengeance · April 15th, 2005, 10:58 AM

Valkyre_28 · April 15th, 2005, 11:22 AM

Hihi..

The guy is totally sick! The chicks as well

Blutaar · April 15th, 2005, 05:03 PM

REAL funny shit!!!

iron_thunder · April 15th, 2005, 06:17 PM

ohhh my god those are bleeding hilarious! Thanks for the link, Celtik

DemonsAndLies666 · April 16th, 2005, 12:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Billy Steele

That must be what sex is like power-metal style.

yeah.... it is........

Thrymfal · April 16th, 2005, 03:31 AM

there's a new goal on my list of things to do. Sex to power metal, for the glory of the knights of the metallic throne of triumphant victory, or whatever.

TheLastWithPaganBlood · April 16th, 2005, 11:12 AM

There are strong sexual conotations to power metal, just look at the Manowar sign.

iron_thunder · April 16th, 2005, 11:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Thrymfal

there's a new goal on my list of things to do. Sex to power metal, for the glory of the knights of the metallic throne of triumphant victory, or whatever.

Heh... just get your partner to scream out "HAIL AND KILL, HAIL AND KILL!!!" and... power metal sex will be complete.

Eire · April 16th, 2005, 06:43 PM

Oh man that's as funny as hell.

ASPePeX · April 23rd, 2005, 01:53 PM

HARRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

April 14th, 2005, 03:39 PM	#1 (permalink)
Celtik Militia Dumb French Bastard Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Paris Posts: 1,393	cybersex jokes... hem ok we've been having many serious conversations here, it is now time for a joke thread as it is the tradition. the following link shows cybersex conversations where this dude, who calls himself bloodninja in the first conversations and changes his usernames later on (but you will easilly recognise him), makes fun of his partners, and i personnally find it fucking hilarious... but you are intitled to your own opinion. i just felt like sharing this. here you go, i hope you enjoy : http://www.distortedprism.com/text/bloodcyber.html

April 14th, 2005, 04:15 PM	#2 (permalink)
TheLastWithPaganBlood Nordman Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Prussia Posts: 1,399	HAHAHA this is the funniest shit I've read in ages. I haven't had this much fun since Bush won the reelection. LOL. Seriously this is amazingly funny. sweet17: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol Bloodninja: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy.... Bloodninja: Not to mention all the groceries. sweet17: Go f**k yourself Bloodninja: I was going to until I saw that picture Bloodninja: Now my unit won't get hard for a week. The first one is also good, hehe __________________ VICTORY!!!

April 14th, 2005, 04:16 PM	#3 (permalink)
TheLastWithPaganBlood Nordman Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Prussia Posts: 1,399	I need to try this myself sometime; anyine knows a good site? __________________ VICTORY!!!

April 14th, 2005, 05:21 PM	#5 (permalink)
Billy Steele Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Berwick, PA USA (The Frozen North-east) Posts: 301	That one where the guy dons his wizard hat and robe had me rolling. That must be what sex is like power-metal style. __________________ Support metal, not rumors.

April 14th, 2005, 06:42 PM	#6 (permalink)
víkingr Son of Odin Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Switzerland Posts: 144	He's making fun of MMORPG geeks in that one. I've seen that one on bash.org before. bash.org is actually one of the greatest sites full of funny things people write on irc, it has tons of stuff like that by bloodninja. For isntance: <xterm> The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself? <Guo_Si> Hey, you know what sucks? <TheXPhial> vaccuums <Guo_Si> Hey, you know what sucks in a metaphorical sense? <TheXPhial> black holes <Guo_Si> Hey, you know what just isn't cool? <TheXPhial> lava? Rabidplaybunny87: Okay, so my neighbors officially hate me GarbageStan23: why? Rabidplaybunny87: Well, me, david and andrew were having a bonfire in the backyard, and we were making s'mores and all... and suddenly we here sirens, and see a firetruck turn into the street in front of us. Rabidplaybunny87: So we all went running to see what was up, and our neigbor's house was on fire! GarbageStan23: oh shit! Rabidplaybunny87: Yeah, and when we got there, the wife was crying into her husbands arms, and we were just kinda standing there, and then she saw us, and then like for 10 seconds, gave us the dirtiest look ever Rabidplaybunny87: Turns out, we were still holding our sticks with marshmallows on it, watching the fire.... Rabidplaybunny87: talk about bad timing... and for the ones who use IRCI think the others won't get it): <AgentSmith> It seems you have been leading two lives, Mr. Anderson. In one life, you are Robert Anderson, assistant cook at a Jack in the Box in Mesquite....in the other...you go by the chat alias "Randerson"...spreading homosexual propoganda, lying, and being a generally immature pest... <AgentSmith> One of these...has a future. <Randerson> LMAO OMFG where's the phone, I have to tell Dean about this <AgentSmith> How can you use the phone when you cannot...speak? *** AgentSmith sets mode: +m Last edited by víkingr : April 14th, 2005 at 07:15 PM.

April 14th, 2005, 05:02 PM	#4 (permalink)
EVERLOSTINDEADETERNITY I hate weiner dogs. Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Salina, Ok Posts: 3,776	I saw this many years ago and laughed my ass off then as well as now.

April 14th, 2005, 10:25 PM	#7 (permalink)
DemonsAndLies666 AxeOfDarkness Join Date: May 2004 Location: Swamps of despair Posts: 555	Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors? Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly.I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you. Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp. Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me. Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat! Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear. Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm. holy shit. i about pissed myself reading this shit. __________________ "AND THEN SATAN STEPPED FORTH AND TOSSED THE SKULL OF INVASION INTO THE PIT OF FIRE, THUS DECLARING THE BATTLE FOR POSSESSION!" -Demons And Lies "Your heart is free, have the courage to follow it."-Malcolm Wallace "Amon Amarth forum kicks your ass!!!" - Demons And Lies www.wraithproductions.net

April 15th, 2005, 07:06 AM	#8 (permalink)
Fimbul-Winter Viking Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: South-Germania Posts: 284	hahahahaha

April 15th, 2005, 10:58 AM	#9 (permalink)
RideForVengeance Junior Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Singapore Posts: 22

April 15th, 2005, 11:22 AM	#10 (permalink)
Valkyre_28 Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Wonderrr Posts: 48	Hihi.. The guy is totally sick! The chicks as well __________________ Feel the wind, the ready'd storm, in the north land, our deeds are known...

April 15th, 2005, 05:03 PM	#11 (permalink)
Blutaar RAVENSBURGER Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Ravensburg(GER) Posts: 437	REAL funny shit!!!

April 15th, 2005, 06:17 PM	#12 (permalink)
iron_thunder Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: toronto, canada Posts: 26	ohhh my god those are bleeding hilarious! Thanks for the link, Celtik __________________ _____________________________ In the Hour of Thunder, Clare B. www.sacredembrace.com SIGN UP FOR THE SACRED EMBRACE NEWSLETTER!!! _____________________________

April 16th, 2005, 03:31 AM	#14 (permalink)
Thrymfal Snootchie Bootchies Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Cocoa Beach, Florida Posts: 810	there's a new goal on my list of things to do. Sex to power metal, for the glory of the knights of the metallic throne of triumphant victory, or whatever. __________________ I Like My Women How I Like My Coffee, Ground Up And In The Freezer

April 16th, 2005, 11:12 AM	#15 (permalink)
TheLastWithPaganBlood Nordman Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Prussia Posts: 1,399	There are strong sexual conotations to power metal, just look at the Manowar sign. __________________ VICTORY!!!

April 16th, 2005, 06:43 PM	#17 (permalink)
Eire Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Donegal, Ireland Posts: 120	Oh man that's as funny as hell.

April 23rd, 2005, 01:53 PM	#18 (permalink)
ASPePeX Member Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Albstadt, Germany Posts: 60	HARRRRRRRRRRRR!!!! __________________