The Longship Voyage! - Page 6

*Mika* · May 1st, 2008, 04:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vikingess

You know the scary thing? If we actually wrote in to Top Gear, you know they'd be totally up for it!

Do it! we could always see if we could get May to build us a longship in payment for joining the voyage
A longship on wheels please Captain Slow!

Vikingess · May 1st, 2008, 05:03 PM

Dear Top Gear,

We are fans of a Viking Metal band called Turisas, who are known for being, well, Vikingish. For some time now we have been planning a longship voyage around the UK to coincide with dates on the Dragonforce tour, for which they are the main support act. We have varying levels of expertise in Vikingly behaviour - ale quaffing is a particular speciality - and would like you to take part in our voyage. We propose that James May and his harem of named spanners be put in charge of longship production (we would like wheels and a motor for inland gigs), and that Jeremy be alongside at a respectable distance in order to be The Enemy. This will involve taking potshots at His Prattishness, and possibly bodily injury, but as Clarkson himself pointed out on Jonathan Ross' show, Top Gear's ratings go up when presenters are injured.

Richard Hammond will be taken onboard the longship as obligatory totty for the wenches - this is not optional, and we make no guarantees that he will return unmolested. We believe the wenches are aware of his married status, but we cannot guarantee that this fact will be remembered at all times during the voyage, or at all. We regret that we cannot, under any circumstances, accomodate Mindy Hammond.

We look forward to hearing from you,

The Turisas Longship Horde

*Mika* · May 1st, 2008, 05:11 PM

Dear god I heard that running through my mind in Clarkson's twattish accent/lisp

Brilliant! send it orf!

Thraxas · May 1st, 2008, 06:59 PM

Just as long as all resident "totty" are aware that they are expected to row along with the rest of the crew.

Vikingess · May 1st, 2008, 07:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Thraxas

Just as long as all resident "totty" are aware that they are expected to row along with the rest of the crew.

You're just bitter we're not classing you as totty

Thraxas · May 2nd, 2008, 05:27 AM

I'm far too attractive to be mere "totty".

Katie'Force · May 2nd, 2008, 05:43 AM

hahahahaha that would clearly be the best letter Top Gear have ever received!!!!

and Mika's right... you put hamster next to Olli and he'd look tall!!!

Vikingess · May 2nd, 2008, 07:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Katie'Force

hahahahaha that would clearly be the best letter Top Gear have ever received!!!!

and Mika's right... you put hamster next to Olli and he'd look tall!!!

Obviously. Can't you just see Clarkson reading it out?

And I presume you mean Olli would look tall...because the only way Hamster would look tall is stood next to a five year old

Quote:

I'm far too attractive to be mere "totty".

Well, you're certainly far too 'something' to be totty. 'Hairy' springs to mind...

Katie'Force · May 2nd, 2008, 07:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vikingess

Obviously. Can't you just see Clarkson reading it out?

And I presume you mean Olli would look tall...because the only way Hamster would look tall is stood next to a five year old

Well, you're certainly far too 'something' to be totty. 'Hairy' springs to mind...

haha oh yes! and the stupid thing is they'd probably want to do it just for the crazyness!!!

awwww poor likkle hamster

Vikingess · May 2nd, 2008, 08:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Katie'Force

haha oh yes! and the stupid thing is they'd probably want to do it just for the crazyness!!!

awwww poor likkle hamster

They totally would. We could have all-out war!

And poor likkle hamster my arse! The lack of height just adds to the appeal!

Katie'Force · May 2nd, 2008, 08:24 AM

haha the war of the longboats!!!!!

awwwww cute likkle hamster

May 1st, 2008, 05:03 PM	#127 (permalink)
Vikingess Miniature Viking Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Birmingham Posts: 759	Dear Top Gear, We are fans of a Viking Metal band called Turisas, who are known for being, well, Vikingish. For some time now we have been planning a longship voyage around the UK to coincide with dates on the Dragonforce tour, for which they are the main support act. We have varying levels of expertise in Vikingly behaviour - ale quaffing is a particular speciality - and would like you to take part in our voyage. We propose that James May and his harem of named spanners be put in charge of longship production (we would like wheels and a motor for inland gigs), and that Jeremy be alongside at a respectable distance in order to be The Enemy. This will involve taking potshots at His Prattishness, and possibly bodily injury, but as Clarkson himself pointed out on Jonathan Ross' show, Top Gear's ratings go up when presenters are injured. Richard Hammond will be taken onboard the longship as obligatory totty for the wenches - this is not optional, and we make no guarantees that he will return unmolested. We believe the wenches are aware of his married status, but we cannot guarantee that this fact will be remembered at all times during the voyage, or at all. We regret that we cannot, under any circumstances, accomodate Mindy Hammond. We look forward to hearing from you, The Turisas Longship Horde __________________ All that is gold does not glitter Not all who wander are lost The old that is strong does not wither Deep roots are not reached by the frost From the ashes a fire shall be woken A light from the shadows shall spring Renewed shall be blade that was broken The crownless again shall be king. ~Bilbo's verses for Aragorn II

May 1st, 2008, 05:11 PM	#128 (permalink)
Mika Keeper of The Duck Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: in a field...The Fens Posts: 488	Dear god I heard that running through my mind in Clarkson's twattish accent/lisp Brilliant! send it orf! __________________ HOLY SPIDER

May 2nd, 2008, 05:43 AM	#132 (permalink)
Katie'Force Kables Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Leeds Posts: 2,162	hahahahaha that would clearly be the best letter Top Gear have ever received!!!! and Mika's right... you put hamster next to Olli and he'd look tall!!! __________________ Thraxas: With Jeremy Clarkson in his speedboat as the enemy! Vikingess: Could we not run to a small nuclear arsenal? Thraxas: Do we really want to get boarded by Greenpeace? Katie’Force: First Clarkson, now Greenpeace!!! This is an awesome war... in a longboat... fought with oars....

May 2nd, 2008, 08:24 AM	#136 (permalink)
Katie'Force Kables Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Leeds Posts: 2,162	haha the war of the longboats!!!!! awwwww cute likkle hamster __________________ Thraxas: With Jeremy Clarkson in his speedboat as the enemy! Vikingess: Could we not run to a small nuclear arsenal? Thraxas: Do we really want to get boarded by Greenpeace? Katie’Force: First Clarkson, now Greenpeace!!! This is an awesome war... in a longboat... fought with oars....

May 1st, 2008, 06:59 PM	#129 (permalink)
Thraxas Ale quaffer Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Pembrokeshire, Wales Posts: 325	Just as long as all resident "totty" are aware that they are expected to row along with the rest of the crew.

May 2nd, 2008, 05:27 AM	#131 (permalink)
Thraxas Ale quaffer Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Pembrokeshire, Wales Posts: 325	I'm far too attractive to be mere "totty".