So a koala was sitting in a tree smoking a joint..

[Rider of Theli]

A husband and wife were scheduled to attend a Halloween party. The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the Halloween party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by her not going. So he took his costume and away he went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke without pain, and as it was still early, decided to go to the party. As her husband didn't know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume, cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice "chick" he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. After more drinks he finally whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had passionate intercourse in the back seat. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had. "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there." Then she asked, "Did you dance much?" He replied, I'll tell you; I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guy, so we went into the spare room and played poker all evening. "You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all night!" she said with unashamed sarcasm. To which the husband replied, "Actually, I gave my costume to your brother, apparently he had the time of his life"

[sh0kr0k]

Originally Posted by Rider of Theli

"Actually, I gave my costume to your brother, apparently he had the time of his life"

Good one!

[Pellaz]

hahahahahahaha!

[Rider of Theli]

PORN

ok... so it's not actual porn (sorry to disappoint some of you), but it's quite clever.

[Rider of Theli]

and here is a clever way to deal with those pesky telemarketers...

Mr Mabe

...with apologies to those who are telemarketers in our community here.

but damn that was funny!

[MetalRose]

Originally Posted by Rider of Theli

and here is a clever way to deal with those pesky telemarketers..



...with apologies to those who are telemarketers in our community here.

but damn that was funny!

OMG I have to try that...

-Metal

[sh0kr0k]

Originally Posted by Rider of Theli

and here is a clever way to deal with those pesky telemarketers...

Mr Mabe



...with apologies to those who are telemarketers in our community here.

but damn that was funny!

That was great! Lost it a little in the end, but the beginning was awesome! haha!
Oh, and I grew up in Littleton! Yeah "so what?" .. I know

[Rider of Theli]

here's a clean one for you...

A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not
phoned in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main
computers, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted
with a child's whisper. " Hello ? "

"Is your daddy home?" he asked.

" Yes , " whispered the small voice.

May I talk with him?"

The child whispered, " No. "

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is
your Mommy there?" - " Yes ."

"May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered, " No ."

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message,
the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"

" Yes," whispered the child, " a policeman ".

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the
boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"

" No, he's busy ", whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?"

" Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman ," came the
whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background
through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

" A helicopter " answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly
apprehensive.

Again, whispering, the child answered, " The search team just
landed a helicopter ."

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What
are they searching for?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled
giggle... " ME ."

.

[OrbWeaver]

RoT, that made me "LOL" XD



Q: What's blackwhiteblackwhiteblackwhiteblackwhite?











A: A nun rolling down a hill!

[Tess]

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been
married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.

One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her
quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared
some tea.

As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a
cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and
in the water floated, of all things, a condom!

When she returned with the tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor
tried to stifle his curiousity about the bowl of water and its strange
floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.
"Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this,
pointing to the bowl:. "Oh yes", she replied, "isn't it wonderful? As I
was walking through the park a few months ago I found this little package
on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet
and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't
had the flu all winter."