So a koala was sitting in a tree smoking a joint..

[Rider of Theli]

Last week was my birthday
and I didn't feel very well
waking up on that morning.

I went downstairs for breakfast
hoping my wife would be pleasant
and say, 'Happy Birthday!', and
possibly have a small present for me

As it turned out,
she barely said good morning,
let alone 'Happy Birthday.'

I thought...
Well, that's marriage for you,
but the kids....
They will remember.

My kids came bounding down stairs to
breakfast and didn't say a word.
So when I left for the office,
I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said,
'Good Morning Boss,
and by the way Happy Birthday! '
It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o'clock,
when Jane knocked on my door
and said, 'You know,
It's such a beautiful day outside,
and it is your Birthday,
what do you say we go out to lunch,
just you and me.'
I said, 'Thanks, Jane,
that's the greatest thing
I've heard all day.
Let's go!'

We went to lunch.
But we didn't go
where we normally would go.
She chose instead a quiet bistro
with a private table.
We had two martinis each
and I enjoyed th e meal tremendously.
On the way back to the office,
Jane said, 'You know,
It's such a beautiful day...
We don't need to go straight back to the office, Do We ?'

I responded,
'I guess not. What do you have in mind?'

She said, 'Let's drop by my apartment,

it's just around the corner.'

After arriving at her apartment,
Jane turned to me and said,
' Boss, if you don't mind,
I'm going to step into the bedroom
for just a moment.
I'll be right back.'
'Ok,' I nervously replied.

She went into the bedroom and,
after a couple of minutes,
she came out carrying a huge birthday cake .
Followed by my wife, my kids,
and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing 'Happy
Birthday.

And I just sat there...


On the couch..


Naked.

.

[rms]

rofl!

[FatesFan]

Originally Posted by rms

If it's supposed to be 'a cute vagina' then you have a terrible sense of humor :X

You do understand that it was not a typo correct. The joke was not supposed to say 'a cute vagina' but rather acute angina which is a medial term related to chest pains. Thus the guy thought she said 'a cute vagina' .

[rms]

Originally Posted by FatesFan

You do understand that it was not a typo correct. The joke was not supposed to say 'a cute vagina' but rather acute angina which is a medial term related to chest pains. Thus they guy thought she said 'a cute vagina' .

Yes, my post didnt come off as clearly, I meant the punchline of acute angina = a cute vagina to the old man

[Pellaz]

"Jesus Saves.........








....after every level."




</gamer humor>

[Rider of Theli]

"Jesus saves...






...and takes half damage."



</more gamer humor>

[Rider of Theli]

Do Not Mess with Seniors


They always ask at the doctor's office why you are there, and you have
to answer in front of others what's wrong and sometimes it is embarrassing.

There's nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist who insists you tell her
what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients. I know most of us
have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it:

An 86 year old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached
the desk . . . The Receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the
Doctor for today?"

"There's something wrong with my dick", he replied.

The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a
crowded waiting room and say things like that."

"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.

The Receptionist replied; "Now you've caused some embarrassment in
this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong
with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the
Doctor in private. "
The man replied, "You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full of
strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone."

The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.

The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes??"

"There's something wrong with my ear", he stated.

The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had
taken her advice. "And what is wrong with your ear, Sir??"

"I can't piss out of it," he replied

The waiting room erupted in laughter.



Mess with seniors and you're gonna lose!

[Rider of Theli]

HOW THE FIGHT STARTED

this is short...

I rear-ended a car this morning. So there we are alongside the road and
slowly the driver gets out of the car. . . and you know how you
just-get-sooo-stressed and life-stuff seems to get funny?

Yeah, well, I could NOT believe it . . he was a DWARF!

He storms over to my car, looks up at me and says, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!'
So, I look down at him and say, 'Well, then which one are you?'



. . . and that's when the fight started.

.