The official "Tell your lame jokes" thread - Page 2

NAD is still special. · January 22nd, 2005, 06:14 PM

I'd say the north and south are both quite beautiful. Especially the slutz (I speak of the caribou).

NAD is still special. · January 22nd, 2005, 06:30 PM

Yeah I figured I'd be wrong, but caribou is such a goofy sounding word that I use it whenever possible.

My favorite lamejoke ever: Rectum!? It nearly killed him!

lurch70 · January 22nd, 2005, 08:19 PM

A dyslexic guy walks into a bra

A guy walks into a shrinks office and says ... I am having trouble making friends you fucking cocksucker
>> I think I told you this one before

mousewings · January 22nd, 2005, 10:58 PM

What's black, white, and red all over?
A penguin with a sunburn.

A joke which was on ABC's Lost. I'm suffering from Lost deprivation.

That Norway guy is cute. He should sue for millions then he'd be cute and rich. Still he has bad taste in drinks.

Maybe he likes Mayer too.

MajestikMøøse · January 22nd, 2005, 11:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Henrik Main

THE SOUTH:

I think I'd choose the latter.

You Choose THE FATE WORSE THAN DEATH

KILL TULLY · January 23rd, 2005, 03:23 AM

Whats red, pink, silver, and runs into walls?

A baby, after i jab FORKS, into its EYES.

Whats red pink and lies in all 4 corners of the room?

A baby, after i let it play with my chainsaw.

Whats red pink orange black brown blue green cyan and chained to my front porch?

My pet nigger and ill paint him watever fuckin' color i want to.

HarmonyDies.... · January 23rd, 2005, 10:51 AM

What did the jewish santa claus say to the kids?

Hey kids wanna buy some toys?

mousewings · January 24th, 2005, 10:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HarmonyDies....

What did the jewish santa claus say to the kids?

Hey kids wanna buy some toys?

Hahaha. That reminds me of the Bookdocks segment where the Black Santa tells the kids that if it were up to him, Christmas would be on the 26th/Boxing Day.

Reign in Acai · January 25th, 2005, 06:51 PM

A black guy is waiting for the next bus to arrive. However, he's starting to feel a little weight on his colon. After looking around to make sure that the coast is clear, he drops his pants and takes a huge shit on the bus bench. Relieved, he puts his pants on as if nothing just occured. 9 minutes pass by and the bus finally arrives. The black guy reaches for some change.

Black Guy: How much is the fare?

Bus Driver: $1.35 for you...90 cents for your little brother.

MFJ · January 25th, 2005, 07:03 PM

hahaha thats a good one

Reign in Acai · September 4th, 2008, 01:31 PM

What's the difference between (black people) and snow tires?
Snow tires don't sing when you put chains on them

Why did Hitler cry when he got to heaven?
God gave him his gas bill.

What did the the hotdog vendor at the bottom of the WTC say?
"Who ordered the 2 jumbo's? "

What do Dale Earnhardt and pink floyd have in common?
Their last big hit was the wall.

6 year-old Anna arrived home from school with a big smile as she rushed into the kitchen to tell her mother "Jordan Stewart from my class showed me his thingy today!!!"

Just before her mother started to go nuts Anna added with a frown "It reminded me of a peanut."

Mum relaxed a little and with a little hidden smile, she asked Anna "Really? Is that because it was a small little thingy?"

"No," Anna replied "....... 'cos it tasted all salty."

Why can't Stevie Wonder read?
Because he's black.

what's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?
Christopher Walken

A guy walks into a whore house and tells the head woman that he only has 10 bucks. She tells him the usual rate is a hundred dollars, but that she might have something for him. He says he's desperate, so she shows him to a dark back room with a dead chicken in it, strapped down to a bed, and looking like this won't be its first time. The guy only hesitates for a minute before handing over his 10 bucks and fucking the shit out of the chicken.
A week later he comes back to the same whore house and sees the head lady. He tells her he's been working his ass off and now has the money to spare for the real deal. He hands her the hundred bucks and is led to a hallway in front of what looks to be a two way mirror. All along the hallway there are dudes beating it furiously to what is on the other side of the mirror, two hot blond bombshells fucking some lucky guy. He whips out his dick and right before he starts to wack it, he turns to the guy next to him and says "man, this is great!"
The guy next to him replies "you should have seen last week, there was some guy fucking a dead chicken!"

what's a jew biggest dilemma?
-free pork

what do you get when you cross breed a mexican and a Chinese
- a car thief who cant drive-

How do you stop 5 black men from raping a woman?
-Throw them a basketball!

What was so bad about being a black Jew?
You had to sit in the back of the oven.

A bus load of negars going to DC for the Million Coon March overturns on a Texas road and negars are thrown everywhere. A few minutes later a farmer driving his back hoe comes upon the accident and starts burying the bodies. Just as he is completing the job a cop pulls up and asks "What happened here?" The farmer replies " I came upon this accident and started burying the bodies." Then the cop asks "Are you sure they were all dead?" The farmer answers, "Well some said they were still alive, but you know how those negars lie."

why does LA have all the mexicans, and NY has all the negars?
LA had first choice.

there's a treasure chest in the center of a room. Superman, Spiderman, a smart African-American and a stupid negar are each standing in each corner of the room, who gets the treasure?

the dumb negar, because the other 3 don't exist

January 23rd, 2005, 10:51 AM	#32 (permalink)
HarmonyDies.... Semi-True Join Date: Oct 2001 Location: Canada Posts: 2,379	What did the jewish santa claus say to the kids? Hey kids wanna buy some toys? __________________ Itacka

January 25th, 2005, 06:51 PM	#34 (permalink)
Reign in Acai Acai by the Barrel Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 12,464	A black guy is waiting for the next bus to arrive. However, he's starting to feel a little weight on his colon. After looking around to make sure that the coast is clear, he drops his pants and takes a huge shit on the bus bench. Relieved, he puts his pants on as if nothing just occured. 9 minutes pass by and the bus finally arrives. The black guy reaches for some change. Black Guy: How much is the fare? Bus Driver: $1.35 for you...90 cents for your little brother. __________________ A star has risen on northern skies And on that star we'll be crucified

January 25th, 2005, 07:03 PM	#35 (permalink)
MFJ loaded Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Behind the mist. Posts: 9,339	hahaha thats a good one __________________

September 4th, 2008, 01:31 PM	#36 (permalink)
Reign in Acai Acai by the Barrel Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 12,464	Really Lame and Offensive Jokes!!! Disclaimer What's the difference between (black people) and snow tires? Snow tires don't sing when you put chains on them Why did Hitler cry when he got to heaven? God gave him his gas bill. What did the the hotdog vendor at the bottom of the WTC say? "Who ordered the 2 jumbo's? " What do Dale Earnhardt and pink floyd have in common? Their last big hit was the wall. 6 year-old Anna arrived home from school with a big smile as she rushed into the kitchen to tell her mother "Jordan Stewart from my class showed me his thingy today!!!" Just before her mother started to go nuts Anna added with a frown "It reminded me of a peanut." Mum relaxed a little and with a little hidden smile, she asked Anna "Really? Is that because it was a small little thingy?" "No," Anna replied "....... 'cos it tasted all salty." Why can't Stevie Wonder read? Because he's black. what's the opposite of Christopher Reeve? Christopher Walken A guy walks into a whore house and tells the head woman that he only has 10 bucks. She tells him the usual rate is a hundred dollars, but that she might have something for him. He says he's desperate, so she shows him to a dark back room with a dead chicken in it, strapped down to a bed, and looking like this won't be its first time. The guy only hesitates for a minute before handing over his 10 bucks and fucking the shit out of the chicken. A week later he comes back to the same whore house and sees the head lady. He tells her he's been working his ass off and now has the money to spare for the real deal. He hands her the hundred bucks and is led to a hallway in front of what looks to be a two way mirror. All along the hallway there are dudes beating it furiously to what is on the other side of the mirror, two hot blond bombshells fucking some lucky guy. He whips out his dick and right before he starts to wack it, he turns to the guy next to him and says "man, this is great!" The guy next to him replies "you should have seen last week, there was some guy fucking a dead chicken!" what's a jew biggest dilemma? -free pork what do you get when you cross breed a mexican and a Chinese - a car thief who cant drive- How do you stop 5 black men from raping a woman? -Throw them a basketball! What was so bad about being a black Jew? You had to sit in the back of the oven. A bus load of negars going to DC for the Million Coon March overturns on a Texas road and negars are thrown everywhere. A few minutes later a farmer driving his back hoe comes upon the accident and starts burying the bodies. Just as he is completing the job a cop pulls up and asks "What happened here?" The farmer replies " I came upon this accident and started burying the bodies." Then the cop asks "Are you sure they were all dead?" The farmer answers, "Well some said they were still alive, but you know how those negars lie." why does LA have all the mexicans, and NY has all the negars? LA had first choice. there's a treasure chest in the center of a room. Superman, Spiderman, a smart African-American and a stupid negar are each standing in each corner of the room, who gets the treasure? the dumb negar, because the other 3 don't exist __________________ A star has risen on northern skies And on that star we'll be crucified

January 22nd, 2005, 08:19 PM	#28 (permalink)
lurch70 an RC irregular Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Rancho Cucamonga Posts: 15,168	A dyslexic guy walks into a bra A guy walks into a shrinks office and says ... I am having trouble making friends you fucking cocksucker >> I think I told you this one before

January 22nd, 2005, 10:58 PM	#29 (permalink)
mousewings Confusion never stops Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: Midgard Posts: 3,629	What's black, white, and red all over? A penguin with a sunburn. A joke which was on ABC's Lost. I'm suffering from Lost deprivation. That Norway guy is cute. He should sue for millions then he'd be cute and rich. Still he has bad taste in drinks. Maybe he likes Mayer too.

January 23rd, 2005, 03:23 AM	#31 (permalink)
KILL TULLY . Join Date: Dec 2004 Posts: 4,762	Whats red, pink, silver, and runs into walls? A baby, after i jab FORKS, into its EYES. Whats red pink and lies in all 4 corners of the room? A baby, after i let it play with my chainsaw. Whats red pink orange black brown blue green cyan and chained to my front porch? My pet nigger and ill paint him watever fuckin' color i want to.