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Bad/Funny Pick-Up Lines

Discussion in 'Chat' started by Tallerthanatree, Sep 26, 2007.

  1. Tallerthanatree

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    Post 'em.

    'If I told you that you had a great body, would you hold it against me?'

    '*hold out hand* Would you mind holding this while I go for a walk?' (I'm using that one sometime)

    'So you care about the environment too? If we showered togather we'd save twice as much water.'

    'Do yo have any overdue library books? Cause you've got 'fine' written all over you.'

    'Are you from Tennessee? Cause you're the only 10 I see.'

    'My love for you lis like diarriea; I just cant hold it in.'

    'Its hard to put a finger on sexy. *touch girl's arm* I guess its not that hard after all.'

    and a good one for girls to use on guys...

    'I'm having a party in my mouth. Wanna come there?'
     
  2. llamaking

    llamaking A Souless Elegy

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    Is that a mirror in your pants? cuz i can see myself in them.
     
  3. Reaping Clarity

    Reaping Clarity The Grimmest Reaper

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    "I'm a heat seeking missile and I'm locked onto YOU" ;)
     
  4. Mythos Inibri

    Mythos Inibri Undead User

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    "If I told you you had a beautiful body,Would you hold it against me?"

    If she Anwsers No ,then ask

    "So is a blowjob out of the question?"
     
  5. Socrates

    Socrates Cursed Be "Iron"-ing. Oho

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    Does this cloth smell like chloroform to you?
     
  6. DoctorX3

    DoctorX3 Buddha with drugs & anger

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    [​IMG]

    "Was your dad a chicken farmer?"
    "uh... no why?"
    "Because you sure know how to raise some cock!"

    "Does this rag smell like chlorofoam to you?"

    to a girl w/ an ice cream:
    Can i give a lick?
    No!
    And to the ice cream?

    "Do you wanna dance."
    "No, get away from me.
    "That's great; I had to take a shit anyway."

    Before she slaps you:
    "Do you want go back to my place, order a pizza and then fuck?"
    After she slaps you: "What's the matter, you don't like pizza?"

    "I'd like to do to you what Congress does to the American people."

    "Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?"

    "That dress is gonna look great crumpled up on my floor."

    "Is that a keg in your pants, 'cause I sure would love to tap that ass?"

    pointing at her abdomen:
    "My kid, right there."

    "Fuck me if I'm wrong, but you're going to have sex with me tonight."

    guy at the bar wags his finger, and a waitress comes over:
    "See, I made you come with one finger. Imagine what i could do with 10!"

    "Hi, my name is _______. You probably didn't know that, but now you'll know what to scream later on!"

    "There is something wrong with my cell phone. It doesn't have your number in it."

    "I'd like to say all sorts of terribly nasty things that would make you blush, but I'm just not drunk enough to blame it on the booze yet."

    "That outfit is horrible. Take it off right now!!!"

    Constantly look at your watch, even bringing it to you ear once or twice:
    "Something wrong with your watch?"
    "My watch communicates with me telepathically."
    "No way."
    "Yes, really."
    "What's it telling you, now?"
    "That you're not wearing any panties."
    "Haha, but I am wearing panties."
    "Damn, must be an hour fast."

    "First, I'd like to kiss you passionately on the lips, then, I'll move up to your belly button."

    "Excuse me. My friend over there is a little embarrassed. She'd like your phone number. She wants to know where she can get a hold of me in the morning."

    "Is it cold in here or are you smuggling tic-tacs?"


    and the coup de gras...

    "Okay, so I came over here to ask you to dance, but I'm kind of concerned. I mean, we could hit it off really well, end up having a few drinks, next thing you know you're giving me your number because I'm too shy to ask for it, I finally get up the nerve to call and we take in a movie, have some dinner, I relax, you relax, we go out a few more times, get to know each other's friends, spend a lot of time together, then finally have get past this sexual tension and really develop this intense sex life that is truly incredible, decide our relationship is solid and stable, so we move in together for a while, then a few months later get married, I get a promotion, you get a promotion, we buy a bigger house. You really want kids, but I really want freedom, but we have a kid anyway, only to find that I am resentful, the sparks start to fade and to rekindle them we have two more lovely kids, but now I work too much to keep up with the bills, have no time for you, you're stressed and stop taking really good care of yourself, so to get past our slow sex life and my declining self-confidence I turn to an outside affair for sexual gratification. You find out because I'm careless and a lousy liar, you throw me out (justifiably so) and we have to explain to the kids why mommy and daddy are splitting up. That's just too sad. Think about the children. For God's sake, if you dance with me and we hit it off, let's just keep it sexual, because we both know where it's going."
     
  7. The Ozzman

    The Ozzman Commander of your mom

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    Are you reminiscent of a differential equation?
    Why?
    Because I want to integrate you by parts

    I wish I was your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves.
     
  8. Alasdhair

    Alasdhair Creator of Crumpet Metal

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    "You know, winning the lottery isn't so great when your dying"

    :lol:
     
  9. PonderTheMoment

    PonderTheMoment New Metal Member

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    "With an ass like that i can see why jesus would ride a donkey"
    Doesnt really make sense but neither do drunk people trying to get laid so...
     
  10. Vimana

    Vimana Member

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    "Are those space pants? Because your ass is out of this world."
     
  11. Deadly

    Deadly -________-

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    that possibly could work :lol:

    :lol::lol:
     
  12. Pessimism

    Pessimism Endemic Vagabond

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    I know a guy who would love to hear these :lol:
     
  13. Tallerthanatree

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    Thats awesome.:lol:
     
  14. Alasdhair

    Alasdhair Creator of Crumpet Metal

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    I've got one that definantly wouldn't work:-

    "The voices in my head are telling me to lick your knees"
     
  15. zoidberg

    zoidberg Mallcore Kid

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    lol
     
  16. TheShadowOverInnsmouth

    TheShadowOverInnsmouth The Shadow over Innsmouth

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    ask them if they have ever kissed a bunny on the nose, then when they say no, pull your front pants pockets out ( so they look like bunny ears ) put your hand on your zipper and say, "wanna try?"
     
  17. Pessimism

    Pessimism Endemic Vagabond

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    Hey Zoidberg, the video in your sig doesn't work anymore.
     
  18. molochete

    molochete King Of Kings

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    WIN
     
  19. zoidberg

    zoidberg Mallcore Kid

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    SONOVA BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  20. rustyslacker

    rustyslacker Member

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    "May I stir your drink?

    ...with my dick?"
     

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