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Dumbest suggestions by clients

Discussion in 'Bar' started by The Unavoidable, Mar 22, 2010.

  1. Altitudes

    Altitudes Stay Frosty

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    This thread is golden :lol:
     
  2. arv_foh

    arv_foh Brian K

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    Your guitar player is the person that I despise at every single goddamn show that I work
     
  3. Morgan C

    Morgan C MAX LOUD PRESETS¯\(°_o)/¯

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    After editing song for hours, has MIDI drums and lots of synths. "Sounds great".
    Mixing song. "Sounds great".
    Send song off for mastering "Sounds great BUT could you make it like 6bpm faster?"

    FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-
     
  4. Skinny Viking

    Skinny Viking ¯\(°_o)/¯ How do Lydian?

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    to quote my favorite part from the quote above with a little artistic license:

    Them = "Sounds great BUT could you make it like 6bpm faster?"
    Me = "I can but I won't"
    Them = "Why?"
    Me = "How much money do you want to pay me?"
    Them = "um...?"
     
  5. Notuern

    Notuern Bloody vaginal belch

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    When we where tracking our demo song our singer didnt want to push his voice at all.
    When he sings, its not louder then his speaking voice, im not kidding(Sidenote: 80's heavy metal with falsettos.).
    Anyways:

    Me: Sing louder, there is no pressure in your voice.
    Singer: But all the famous singers dont!
    Me: Yes, they do.
    Singer: Ok... *yells as loud as he can*
    Me: I said to SING louder, not to f*cking yell like a drunken retard.
    Singer: I just did what you told me to.

    Then we finished the vocals with him singing as he wanted to(Because he didnt want to try "the right way".).
    After the song was mixed:

    Singer: Cant you compress the vocals more?
    Me: They are already squashed as much as possible without destroying everything.
    Singer: But thats what all the 80's singers did to sound huge and powerful!
    Me: No, they just push some air out of their lungs, you should try it some time.
    Singer: Yeah yeah, stop bitching! *looks at me like _I_ dont know what i am doing*

    And then our singer and drummer had found some dude to record the bass lines... we ended up using samples.
    Seriously, the only bass notes in the verse are E and F#, on top of that, they are just 8th notes.. he couldnt learn a single one of the bass line over the 3 days he was down there.. no editing in the universe could save this guy.
    When he left i told the singer and the drummer never to bring him back again, because he sucked.. they answered me with: "He was awesome a year ago!"

    There where tons of these moments when we where recording.
    Oh, and i later found out that the drummer told everyone that it was his real playing on our song(Alesis D6-samples.). :lol:
     
  6. Dylan S

    Dylan S Celephai

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    I'm going to do the reverse and tell a story about some hopeless engineers.

    We played this show a couple weeks back, they had 3 old rocker stereotypes (the kind of guys who keep a real shitty ponytail despite being otherwise bald) doing sound and no matter how many times we asked for more guitars in the monitors, we did not get them.

    That wouldn't be so much of a problem because we're used to playing places with no PA at all and we play awesomely anyway. The problem was that my guitar was not in the mix at all, nobody could hear me whatsoever, I literally was not there at all. I don't have bad tone, I don't play poorly, none of the excuses that snide engineers use to mask what is lain and simple a piss poor mixing job.

    That's not even the worst part, for some reason they just kept taking our singer out of the mix completely, he'd start singing and get absolutely nothing until these dipshits realised thir fuck up and fixed it, meanwhile we're half way through a chorus with no vocals, way to go. I can't say I was surprised given that when we turned up for soundcheck they were out the front getting stoned. I can guarantee you if I told them how truly fucking hopeless they were I would have gotten some "I've been mixing bands for blah blah blah" old mojo chaser cunt attitude, even though one of them was standing around on stage stoned off his brain while we were trying to load out quickly doing nothing but getting in my fucking way every time I turned around.

    Seriously, he wasn't doing anything but standing around, and everytime I needed to get to some piece of my gear to disconnect cables and whatnot, he was standing right in front of it. He didn't even notice when I said "Excuse me I'm trying to pack up", "What are you doing mate? You're in the way", or "Can you fuck off and be a stoned idiot somewhere else?"

    Worst live experience ever, thanks to the idiots behind the desk. So yeah, you AE guys have retards among your ranks too.

    -Bekanor (I'm at Dylan's house on his laptop and can't be assed logging out).
     
  7. Mago

    Mago Austrian Blech Machine

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    funniest story I heard was from a bassplayer from another band to phoned me

    "I just tried to connect the bass amp head to the speaker of my basscombo, and now bouth amps arent working..."

    After a short conversation I realized that he connected bouth Amp outputs instead of connecting the speaker cable to the head :zombie:
    unplugged the combo from the speaker, and instrad of using that cable for the head, he took the cable from the head and connected it to the output of his amp...It was quite hard for me not to laugh, considering that he blow about 700€ or so...and the head wasn't even his own^^
     
  8. Loren Littlejohn

    Loren Littlejohn Lover of all boobage.

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    Oh yeah, get that one a lot.

    Recently:

    "I have the metronome turned on"
    "Yeah that is fucking me up a lot"
    "It's in time with the drums"
    "Yeah I don't need it"
     
  9. Harry Hughes

    Harry Hughes   ‬‬

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    Not quite sure why I found that so funny, but goddayumm :lol::lol::lol:
     
  10. Loren Littlejohn

    Loren Littlejohn Lover of all boobage.

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    Yeah got to love the sucky guitarists that need to hide behind a swarm of bees to be good.
     
  11. Loren Littlejohn

    Loren Littlejohn Lover of all boobage.

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    Fuck that's nothing man. When I had the privilege to come over to the UK to rock some tuneage I had the honor of having a sound company show up 2 hours late. They never bothered to connect the monitors and I wasn't paying attention so I'm asking for more vocals like a fucking cunt.

    Basically, the worse sound company I have ever experienced. I really wish I had remembered their name as I'm sure they are out of business.
     
  12. C_F_H_13

    C_F_H_13 Protools Guru

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    I've got a couple of gems....

    1. Random Label douche walked in while me and a producer were comping bass. I was looping an 8 bar section......swear to god he actually said this...

    "Hey I know the songs aren't done yet, but I really think that section needs to be shortened. It gets really boring."

    2. Had a guitar player years ago tell me that "tube amps fucking suck dude, you need some solid state amps around here".

    3. Had a singer with what appeared to be massive hearing damage. Kept complaining that the record was really dull and seriously started having temper tantrums in the control along the lines of "seriously why won't any of you listen to me it's too fucking dull I can't make anything out".

    4. The best one I've got... This wasn't me but a good friend told me about this a week ago and I almost shit myself it was so funny.

    Friend of mine goes in to engineer a band playing live in the studio. Bass player starts playing...he's out of tune.
    Engineer-"hey man can you tune up your bass is really flat"
    Bass player-"It's fine."
    Engineer-"No seriously man you need to tune it's flat"
    Bass player-"dude it's fine relax."
    Engineer-"Ok well we're going to roll on take one, and then I'm going to erase it cause the bass was flat and out of tune."
    Bass player- (leans into the talkback mic and loudly says)-"DUDE ITS FINE ALRIGHT."

    Hahahaha golden.
     
  13. Loren Littlejohn

    Loren Littlejohn Lover of all boobage.

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    He should have just recorded it, and when the bass player later on figured out he was flat he should have said DUDE IT'S FINE. :lol:
     
  14. Damian B

    Damian B ¯\(°_o)/¯

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    Why do guitar players never want to fucking tune their instrument? My old band-mates called me the tuning nazi because I would make them tune ever couple takes.

    They'd still bitch even though most of the time they WERE OUT OF FUCKING TUNE :zombie:
     
  15. C_F_H_13

    C_F_H_13 Protools Guru

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    because people are fucking stupid.
     
  16. Nebulous

    Nebulous Daniel

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    When recording thrash metal - bass tone has massive lack of lows and generally should like a muddy peice of crap

    "why don't you put an LDC in the middle of the room for this one too"
     
  17. Nebulous

    Nebulous Daniel

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    Recording a harmonica player who asked for reverb or delay on the listen back so that it was "more naturally in time" :Smug:

    I don't get why vocalists always want to hear some effects on their voice too.
     
  18. AllanD

    AllanD boom tap boom-boom tap

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    "Guitar Player": "The drums are messing me up, just mute them and I'll record my part."


    Me: :OMG:
     
  19. Erkan

    Erkan mr-walker.bandcamp

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    Hahahaha :D There should be a death penalty for such things.
     
  20. deanbailey

    deanbailey O.C.D Member

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    I've just gotten the Usual;
    Drummer: (after 5 takes) Nah I can't do it... It's probably better for the band if we turn off the click track.

    @ Executioner213:

    Jesus man, your stories could be a sitcom. or at least a youtube series!
     

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