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Just for you Aussies (and anyone else that could use a laugh)

Discussion in 'Bar' started by grywolf627, Mar 21, 2008.

  1. grywolf627

    grywolf627 Member

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    Don't know if the Q/A's are true...just thought it was funny:

    -------------------


    These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humor.

    Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
    A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

    Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
    A: Depends how much you've been drinking.


    Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
    A: Sure, it's only 3000 miles, take lots of water.

    Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
    A: What did your last slave die of?

    Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
    A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not..... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

    Q: Which direction is North in Australia? ( USA)

    A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.



    Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? ( UK)
    A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.



    Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
    A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is ... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.



    Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK)
    A: You are a British politician, right?

    Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
    A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

    Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
    A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.


    Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
    A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you going out.

    Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
    A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.


    Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)

    A: Yes, gay night clubs.



    Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? ( France)
    A: Only at Christmas.



    Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the Girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
    A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.



    Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
    A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
     
  2. garry666

    garry666 Member

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    lol thats fucking hilarious dude
     
  3. Metaltastic

    Metaltastic Member

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    Ahahahahhahaahhhahaha, that was so freakin' brilliant - I love the deadpan responses the most, like the one about Christmas and whether there are supermarkets and milk; those witty aussies :lol:
     
  4. grywolf627

    grywolf627 Member

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    I wonder if JBroll has a long lost brother working for the Australian Tourism ministry? :)
     
  5. Metaltastic

    Metaltastic Member

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    Haha, no no, this isn't his style - not enough ridiculous analogies about anal penetration and squeezing hamsters and the like
     
  6. grywolf627

    grywolf627 Member

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  7. Nebulous

    Nebulous Daniel

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    Haha, yeah that sounds like us.
     
  8. Habsburgs

    Habsburgs Member

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    Q: Which direction is North in Australia? ( USA)

    A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.


    Hahahha :lol:
     
  9. -Vith-

    -Vith- To the bar!!

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    Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
    A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you going out.

    Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the Girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
    A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

    ROFL :rofl:
     
  10. sparkyness

    sparkyness Explore The Space

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    As an Aussie who's lived abroad for the last 12 years in both the US and Europe that list of questions pretty much sums up my existence.....
     
  11. Skyweaver

    Skyweaver Shred or Die !

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    yeah we also close the Sydney Habour bridge at lunch time to let the Kangaroo across from one side to the other..........oh fuck a Kangawallafox has stolen my beeer !
     
  12. FerretallicA

    FerretallicA HMAS Slagdestroyer

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    That is one of the funniest Australia-themed things I've ever read. It reminds me of the kind of questions (and answers) on an eBay listing for a stick-on faux sunroof.
     
  13. JontRevolting

    JontRevolting FALSE ARREST! FALSE ARREST!

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    that reminds me of my mates older sister's fiancee who when he came here and they took him to the beach he piss bolted cause he thought soldier crabs where spiders
     

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