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Poetry

Discussion in 'GMD Social Forum' started by Dazed and Brutal, Jun 29, 2007.

  1. Vimana

    Vimana Member

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    This is a poem about how awesome it is to be completely stoned and take a walk through nature in warm weather.

    Gliding through the meadows
    The buds give dimension to the lights and shadows
    Water surrounds me
    And pictures transform beautifully

    The world keeps on moving
    And I'm in sync
    The sky is blooming
    And all of the flowers seem to wink

    Holy mother, I see it
    Bring me closer to the spirit
    This is kind of a dream, but I don't care
    'Cause my dreams are surrounding me everywhere

    Nature seems to wait for me
    Fates line up with chaos and destiny
    The grass doesn't crunch, 'cause it's alive
    And now I don't need the tangible to survive

    Life is a sweet song
    Sung by the energy in my head
    And the vibrant colors of this flower bed
    Here nothing can go wrong


    Here's some rap I wrote while sober and while high.

    It ain't easy
    Livin' in a mailbox
    It ain't easy
    Livin' in a mailbox

    The days are so long and tough
    If the mail's ion yo' face
    The metal feels rough
    And there ain't much space

    You can't bring bitches back
    But it ain't a big deal
    Except for the lack
    Of ho's to feel

    It ain't easy
    Livin' in a mailbox
    It ain't easy
    Livin' in a mailbox

    This bitch and I fucked on a conveyor belt
    I'm sure it's the best thing she ever felt
    But then I saw that she had a twitch
    So I puked on her ass and said "two girls, one cup, bitch!"

    Now this life is gettin' real hard
    And my mailbox ain't warm inside
    So be glad you got xbox, retard
    Or you'd be standin' on the curb with your arms all wide

    It ain't easy
    Livin' in a mailbox
    It ain't easy
    Livin' in a mailbox
     
  2. Einherjar86

    Einherjar86 Active Member

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    I actually think this is very good. I especially like: "gently unfurl you/koru, koru/unfold you/like the wind a napkin/uncurl,/any of you"

    I almost wish the lines went:

    unfold you
    like the wind
    a napkin
    uncurl you

    Anyway, the musicality of those lines is very nice either way. It's not my style, I can't write like that; but I always appreciate muscality in poetry and strive to get some in there once in a while. Out of curiosity, Marlon, have you ever read C.K. Williams?

    Here's a humorous poem I composed a few weeks ago:

    "On reading Moby-Dick in a bathroom stall in Stuart Hall"

    I seek the green and docile Earth
    Advis’d to me from ‘top the mast
    Of Fiction, but this girdled girth
    Has dropp’d, and I must cry “Avast!”
    Upon the vessel porcelain
    I sight the six legg’d demon crawl
    From out the darkly, downward drain
    Within this kingliest of stalls.

    The grass, alas! The seas elude
    My fancy in this flimsy cell
    Where I can picture but the crude
    Tattooed vicissitudes of hell;
    The flushing maelstrom ends the gale
    Of which I had no little need
    I thus zip up my great white whale
    And seek a better place to read.
     
  3. panzerfaust666

    panzerfaust666 German Asshole

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    Thank you thank you!!! Thanks for the advice there as well. I had just written the poem last night, so its not in its final version quite yet. No, I have never read any C.K. Williams, but hes another one that I should sit down with and read. The only Poetry I'm really familiar with is E.E. Cummings, I love his work.
    So what exactly does Musicality in Poetry mean? Like Ive said before, I never paid attention to these things in school, so Im a little behind :p.

    See, now on the other hand, I wish I could write like you. It has a great rhythm and I love the way it gently rhymes; a good balance.
     
  4. zabu of nΩd

    zabu of nΩd Free Insultation

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    Agree with Pat on your poem, Marlon. I think that's the best thing of yours I've read.

    Pat, that piece is fucking awesome :lol: Not only is the language exquisitely elegant but you manage to be exceedingly lowbrow and highbrow at the same time. Well played sir.

    Probably a lot of stuff in this thread I need to catch up with / comment on, but my life is just too upside down these days for me to get into poetry...
     
  5. Einherjar86

    Einherjar86 Active Member

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    Not behind at all. I don't even think it's a technical term, although I don't study poetry so I'm not sure. I meet with a poetry group once every couple weeks and we share material, and I always hear them mention "musicality;" basically, it's referring to the placement of words in conjunction with one another, taking into consideration meter and rhyme. You don't even have to be following a specific meter or rhyming perfectly; it's just the way lines flow, and it's something you either have a knack for or you don't (in my opinion); I wouldn't entirely write off saying that it can't be learned. One thing to do, of course, is to read lots of poetry. :cool:

    The poem you posted above thrives on its musicality (which mine rarely do, unfortunately); the way certain lines work ("unfurl you, uncurl you, koru, koru," etc.) just allow the piece to move in a very liberal sense. You're not forcing anything, and the words really complement each other. I'm also a sucker for foreign languages in English poetry, which I'm assuming "koru" is...? I could be very wrong.

    I think the middle section is the strongest part; it's where you really let the musicality thrive and play out, and it really is very pleasant to read. You might try making the whole poem structured that way. Of course, you don't want the whole thing to sink into the same rhythm; that just gets monotonous. Rather, find ways to make each section musical. You do a really nice job with the middle part, and the beginning and end aren't bad; but perhaps fooling around with line length and vocabulary might take you into some interesting places. Just something to toss about. Good job though!

    That comes from reading entirely too much English Romantic and Victorian poetry. :cool:

    Thanks mate! We need to hear some more of your stuff soon...
     
  6. panzerfaust666

    panzerfaust666 German Asshole

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    Ah, ok! I had a feeling it would refer to something in that vain. But yeah, I have been trying to achieve a level of musicality for a long time, so maybe it was learnable, because it did take me some time to attain it.
    Thanks for all the advice. I will definitely go over the poem again with your thoughts in mind.

    Thanks Grant!!
     
  7. Cronopio

    Cronopio Glorious Imperator

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    A poem I wrote once.

    Death found you

    Death found you,
    trembling like a child

    Clutching the image of a
    woman who never loved you

    "Why do we suffer? And
    why do we welcome torment

    with arms outstretched, as if it were
    a long lost son, why do

    we cradle it and kiss it and write
    songs about it, poems, why

    is it our light and our most beloved
    companion, the one for which

    we'd forsake all? Answer me this
    and I will gladly go with you."

    To which Death replied, not smitten
    by the boldness of your speech:

    "I had her last week, she
    was a good meal."
     
  8. Alteredmindeath

    Alteredmindeath Wasteland Survivor

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    Underneath your bed
    whine whine whine and cry
    go kill yourself pussy and go die
    Im sick of hearing your whines and cries
    go kill yourself and fucking die
    Nobody cares about you worthless pool
    of blood, guts, and drool.
    Go eat shit and die in your room
    Nobody cares about you and your rules
    Punch me in the back and go hide
    When I find you..you will die
    I will stab you in the throat as the blood runs dry
    Now go find a way to die, because nobody cares about your whines and cries
     
  9. Cronopio

    Cronopio Glorious Imperator

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    ^

    Interesting. I sense subtle Cannibal Corpse nuances.
     
  10. Zephyrus

    Zephyrus Tyrants and Slaves

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    Might as well post some material I've penned in the past few months. Poems are numbered in the order I wrote them. The titles are plays on words related to the number:


    IV: The Tetrarchy Dethroned

    Rage and a man I sing,
    Alone in a dark wood of man's first disobedience.

    The Muses have abandoned me,
    Apollo's light shrouded in a Stygian fog.
    Helicon's heights sheer as Mount Improbable,
    Abstracted to a realm of life unattained.

    The Philosopher's pages are naught,
    History over Poetry; Many over One.
    Detonation of cosmic eternity - Big Bang:
    Ex nihilo ad nihil: the essence of dark matter.

    Prince of the New Science,
    Leviathan of the New Atlantis,
    Sidereal Messenger of the Descent of Man.

    Drowning in seas of primordial soup,
    Horizon's a flicker of Pharos' flame.
    So godlike the fiery nature,
    The furnace of our siring star.

    Rage and a man I sing,
    Alone in a dark wood of man's first disobedience.



    III: Trinity

    Make your wager, place your bets
    Take a leap before your death

    Make a heaven in your soul
    Holy telos takes control

    Bishops heed the Caesar's call
    Fix'd your Creed in golden halls

    Politeia, Plato's state
    Heed the guardians, passions hate

    Rise to love the astral source
    Tell the end of history's course

    Make your wager, place your bets
    Take a leap before your death

    Make your life a living hell
    Scoffing at cathedral bells

    Zarathustra set you free
    God's death made a god of thee

    Anarchy within your soul
    World of shadows takes control

    Essence fails to thrill your mind
    Join the suff'ring of mankind

    Make your wager, place your bets
    Take a leap before your death.



    II: Dualismus

    kalos theos agathos
    hagios athanatos ischyros
    kakos anthropos aischros
    monos thanatos etymos

    Division of cells, genetic mutation
    Genesis, celestial construction
    Demiurge of natural selection
    Emanation, descent to matter
    To meet our ascent from filth.

    Scholastic hubris, duae viae,
    God in a testtube, theosis of man,
    Chiron and Chi-Rho, centaur savior,
    Ruptured by a Razor's slice.
    Internal bleeding, eternal war.

    Extension, intervention, redemption.
    Extension, invention, pretension.
    Tension erotic, despotic.
    Hecate my mother, Janus my sire.
    Cosmic intellect, imposed by whom?

    kalos theos agathos
    hagios athanatos ischyros
    kakos anthropos aischros
    monos thanatos etymos
     
  11. zabu of nΩd

    zabu of nΩd Free Insultation

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    You seem to be exploring a few different styles/structures, which i approve of. If you want an opinion, i like the first one (IV) best. It's still pretty stream-of-thought though, so maybe try making more of the phrases come together in something of a logical progression.
     
  12. Zephyrus

    Zephyrus Tyrants and Slaves

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    Yes, IV is my favorite. It seems the meter I've come to think in has been hendecasyllabic, like that of Dante.

    A couple more in that meter:

    VII: Out of Hell I Make Heaven

    "Il faut cultiver notre jardin," he ends.
    Behold, Epicurus, thy doctrine in French!
    Our nature is Eden, all knowledge is death.
    Negation defines every truth, every breath.

    Reduction, Aquinas, straight to the absurd.
    The prima of causa is only a word!
    "By means of a faculty," morals, old Kant?
    A truth beyond language is all that we want.

    Alas, only facts, only science's Muse,
    Who measures this cosmos for us to abuse,
    Illusions of godhood since Eve ate that fruit,
    And carnal desire to all knowledge took root.

    Yet knowledge needs something unchanging to be,
    Lest Chaos blight meaning, release energy,
    The Will to build bridges o'er Heraclite's stream,
    Defiance of time and the hypocrites' dream.

    Now gather the tyrants, historical lords,
    Who read carpe diem and earned their rewards,
    If famous or infamous, fame still endures,
    The Florentine dignity to you restores.

    These hendecasyllables falsely doth freeze
    My thoughts like a horse on the Parthenon frieze,
    Forever a photograph, marble or ink,
    The symbols imposed when I will myself think.


    VI: Hexentanz

    Abstractions, distractions and zealous contraptions,
    Inventions of fear that empower the weak,
    Of those whose own reason's the price of assurance,
    To raise to divinity words, only words.

    Lord Time is the master, and hist'ry his Word.
    From chaos creation, from order stagnation,
    A death of the spirit, no love and no strife.
    Why not Dionysus once dead now reborn?

    A tragedy, comedy, satyr-play life.
    The panpipes resound o'er the narthex and nave.
    All music, like language, the taming of chaos
    To patterns, illusions of essence sans time.

    What's human? A word from the Latin for dirt.
    What's nature? A will to potestas/Macht/power.
    Republics and empires but castles of sand,
    By oceans of Chronos the tide will come in.

    What's that? Worship nothing?! What better a king?
    The means of production is all that I need.
    Producing we're godlike, the coiners of words,
    The masters of meaning who rule o'er the weak.
     
  13. Einherjar86

    Einherjar86 Active Member

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    Very interesting. I think T.S. Eliot would be proud. Some of the metrical approaches and rhyme schemes could use a bit more refining, but that's not to say there aren't some neat things going on. Just as an example for what I mean by meter and rhyme:

    "Yet knowledge needs something unchanging to be,
    Lest Chaos blight meaning, release energy..."

    The stresses on "energy" force us to say the word somewhat awkwardly in order to fit it into the metrical pattern (EN-er-GY). But those are the kinds of things you work out; the subject matter and thematic interests of the pieces are bursting at the brim, which is why I think T.S. Eliot would approve. His poetry was always filled with classical/literary/philosophical references.
     
  14. Xorv

    Xorv Drug the Priest

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    i smoke weed to this song, in a ritualistic fashion. Tremulous in nostalgic passion I bestow a sequential grand sin, an armada of a thousand to smash in between a rancid mad binge......and i elope to the recces where cognition deepens - where death envelopes in the end -........ I felt demons ...in sudden reason I awoke to greet them - it depends. I smoke weed to this song in a RI-TU-A-LIS-TIC.........

    this is the song........

    [ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8MM1JvBz4cE&list=HL1335064716&feature=mh_lolz[/ame]
     
  15. divine_torture

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    Here's my latest:

    "Detour Within (Sleep)"

    Here, in the violence
    ... I sleep soundly
    Let's compromise your gain for my ruin
    The diversions gave way to our departures
    I feel it's not the same
    So vivid are those tragedies
    And comfort comes when I am not

    Desperate, I destroyed it all
    Stored my deterioration for another time

    So lucid are those capacities
    Washed to shore while no one could see
    Cascades of endearment drown me now
    I color this road with bright pastels
    Vendettas sold for decency among the wicked
    Corporeal visions are faithful

    Cast me down into the tempest
    I am the elder now, my friend
    You may not follow me today
    Subsiding, I rest again

    Conclusions made by will of mind
    Corrections made by the beast inside
    Drink deep of my intricate decisions
    Question the reasons and violate the codes
    Imbrued in filth
    Damnation's reprise

    This bores into you
    Wondrous flight of the feeble
    I set it all aside for now
    Let us wander into the azure

    Justin Flemings - June 9, 2012
     
  16. Master_Yoda77

    Master_Yoda77 True Doom

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    the new "drunk as fucking fuck thread"

    Drunk a Fuck
    Fuck you Trevor and Corey
    I'm listening to Pentagram
    And fucking Pagan Altar.
     
  17. Cronopio

    Cronopio Glorious Imperator

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    A translation of a poem I wrote in Swedish several years ago. Hopefully the sentiments carry through.

    Daguerrotype

    this is everything:

    whoever embraces the light
    has forfeited the right to live
    and whoever welcomes the dark
    the right to die
    i am so tired
    can you fathom
    how the days multiply
    growing endless ; spread
    boasting with power
    it should be so simple
    to whomever
    all i want is to fall asleep
    in a black rowing boat that smells of tar
    slowly drifting across the mirror's surface
    fearlessly closing in on

    the contours of a face
     
  18. Einherjar86

    Einherjar86 Active Member

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    The dead, they only listen. They

    Don’t holler, they don’t cheer

    The dead, they only hear you say

    What you want them to hear

    The dead, they will not judge you, and

    The dead, they don’t accuse

    You put to them your story and

    The dead will not refuse

    The dead, they only listen well

    To what you have to say

    The only problem I can tell

    Is dead men never pay

    But still they’ll listen through and through

    To everything you’ve said

    It’s true that all there is to do

    Is listen when you’re dead.
     
  19. divine_torture

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    Fucking drunk poem right now:

    "You Nugget"

    I'll smack you
    Asshole
    I don't need a god damned reason
    Because Subway is in my face
    And stomach
    And it is delicious
    You are not Subway, fag
    I'll punch your face in the face with my fists
    You fuck
    I asked a bitch to see her naked
    She sent a picture
    I said "Sweet" and then watched Donnie Brasco
    Hellz yeah!
     
  20. Master_Yoda77

    Master_Yoda77 True Doom

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    My God, I don't remember writing that drunk as fuck poem.

    And DT's poem is fucking incredible, like. Shakespeare and Milton are crawling in their graves.

    This line is especially poetic

    "I'll punch your face in the face with my fists
    You fuck"
     

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