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Since you guys turned me on to Herzog...

Discussion in 'Kayo Dot' started by Nut Butter, Feb 9, 2006.

  1. Nut Butter

    Nut Butter QTΠ

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    I thought I'd share the following (sorry if it's been posted already):

    article
    and
    video clip

    Amazing. My respect for him grew tenfold after watching that...
     
  2. Manbient

    Manbient Queer Old Man

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    HERZOG ZWEI!
     
  3. chupe666

    chupe666 You may enter up to 25 ch

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    they're showing a bunch of herzog films at a local film series, and are playing the grizzly one. actually, i saw a show on the other evening about this- not sure if it was the documentary or another show about that guy. on Discovery channel maybe?
     
  4. xfer

    xfer I JERK OFF TO ARCTOPUS

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    yeah AND the dude saved joaquin phoenix from a car wreck last week!

    he is like superman!
     
  5. 0sm0se

    0sm0se Mr. Negativity

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    As cool as Herzog may be (and that is very cool), that treadwell character should not be glorified. He forgot something fundamental about those animals he was "protecting." They are animals and when they are old, hungry, and out past hibernation, they will pick up whatever easy meat they can, whether it be a retard and his girlfriend, a deer with a broken leg, or an orphaned runt rabbit, abandoned by his family, and without the ability to make it in the wild. Chris McCandless and Timothy Treadwell are the epitome of what aving hippie parents does to kids, they stop fearing the wild. They end up likes animals released from captivity, with no instincts or particular skills to help them survive.

    McCandless died from eating poisonous berries. For all of the intelligence he is described as having, he didn't know the one thing that would have been pertinent to his survival: what not to eat. The kind of simple thing that is covered in every survival book that is out there. If he were properly prepared, what he did would have been respectable. Instead, its just a lesson in stupidity.

    Treadwell's death is simply ironic. If he indeed was successful in protecting the bears, then one of the bears he protected fed on his flesh. I mean that too. The bear that is purported to have eaten Treadwell and his trusting girlfriend was an older, starving, so-called "rogue" bear who was out past the normal date hibernation begins. The bear merely did what is natural to animals when they are hungry, it ate. That was a risk he ran and it came back and bit him. It's not tragic, it's ludicrous. Nature is brutal and beautiful but when you forget that is is, that's when you have problems.
     
  6. chupe666

    chupe666 You may enter up to 25 ch

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    yeah, the clips of him saying "if you come out here and do what i do, you will f$%#ing DIE, you will DIE" are the definition of irony. dave letterman said the same thing when he was on the late show- "are we gonna turn on the tv and see you dead somewhere?" Timothy: "No!"
     
  7. FrostGiant

    FrostGiant Mr. Pibb > Dr. Pepper

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    What's a snooker ball?
     
  8. xfer

    xfer I JERK OFF TO ARCTOPUS

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    snooker is like a terrible, un-fun version of pool with, i think, three balls.
     
  9. xfer

    xfer I JERK OFF TO ARCTOPUS

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    Maverick Hunter's 'Human Beings As Prey' Plan Not As Challenging As Expected

    January 17, 2006 | Issue 42•03
    PERIL ISLAND—Big-game hunter Baron Hugo von Urwitz conceded Tuesday that his theory that human beings are the most cunning and challenging of quarry is seriously flawed.
    [​IMG]Von Urwitz outside his island fortress.

    "Perhaps I gave my fellow man too much credit," said von Urwitz, looking on as his servants carried three lifeless human beings bound to poles by their hands and ankles. "Admittedly, there are fewer kills today than yesterday, but only because the herd is thinning."
    Bored with netting such elusive and dangerous prey as Bengal tigers, white rhinos, and Cape buffalo, the 51-year-old adventurer said he had thought it would be "capital sport" to hunt humans on his uncharted, densely forested private island.
    "My huntsman's heart thrilled at the prospect of bringing down a live human, who alone in the animal kingdom has the capacity to outwit and even best his enemies through sheer intellect," von Urwitz said. "What I neglected to consider is that man is also alone in the capacity to tumble straight into quicksand while fleeing from a swarm of yellow jackets after trying to steal honey from their nest."
    Von Urwitz chanced upon his stock of prey Saturday, after a chartered luxury yacht ran aground in the shoals surrounding his island. The yacht's 29 passengers and five crew members were promptly invited to lodge in the baron's imposing fortress.
    At dawn Sunday, von Urwitz roused his guests to announce his shocking intent to hunt them. Allowing them only small knives and the clothes on their backs, he anticipated that his human prey would elude him in inventive and clever ways—and perhaps even make their hunter the hunted himself.
    Yet in the first night alone, eight tourists died of exposure.
    "I'm not sure I even need to be here, really," von Urwitz added.
    "At the very least, I assumed they would take to the trees and hills in desperate flight," he said. "Instead, many of them just milled about like peahens within the confines of my estate, periodically rattling the backdoor knob to ensure that it hadn't been unlocked since they last checked."
    The baron theorized that the grave danger simply didn't register with most of the humans. "Look at this one," von Urwitz said, as a cellar meat locker revealed an overweight, middle-aged male bearing a single gunshot wound to the forehead. "I bagged him in the courtyard as he sipped vitamin water, after I had given him a four-hour running start. Where's the sport in this?"
    Von Urwitz said three vacationers brazenly approached him with strange questions.
    "They asked about grand prizes and something they called an 'immunity challenge,'" von Urwitz said. "I had my men slit their throats."
    Those who had the wherewithal to hide did so in obvious places, such as in the toolshed, under the car, or behind bushes. Von Urwitz said his hounds "made short work of them."
    A few did flee to the jungle, including one man who raced in the direction of a pit trap dug by von Urwitz's men. From a hunting blind close to the trap, von Urwitz said he watched with "immense excitement."
    "Would [the man's] eyes catch the carpet of dead, flattened leaves in the clearing, noticing their rather unnatural distribution, and quickly surmise, through reason and intuition alike, that something was dreadfully amiss?" von Urwitz said. "Or would he blindly stumble into the pit and be finished off by our arrows?"
    Ultimately, the man did neither. Before coming within 20 yards of the pit, he was knocked cold by a low-hanging tree limb.
    With 22 kills by nightfall Tuesday, the baron recognized the need to amend his strategy. "I had snared a couple of tourists, but they were so obviously feebleminded that I threw them back into the brush," von Urwitz said. "If I leave them alone, perhaps in a few weeks one or two of them will have developed survival tactics besides uncontrolled weeping and involuntary defecation."
    Hinting that his ruthlessness was quickly turning to pity for the pathetic, fragile creatures, von Urwitz also mused about rounding them up in an island game preserve. "I am reminded of Theodore Roosevelt, with his hunter's love of nature," von Urwitz said. "Perhaps future generations of von Urwitzes can enjoy the humans' comical antics, and if their numbers increase sufficiently, perhaps hunt some of the—one would hope—increasingly fit adults from time to time."
    "On the other hand, I could always put out some large glue traps," von Urwitz added.



    © Copyright 2006, Onion, Inc. All rights reserved.
    The Onion is not intended for readers under 18 years of age.
     
  10. Manbient

    Manbient Queer Old Man

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    i like how when this is the last replied thread in the forum and you're on the official forums page, it says "Since you guys turned me on..."

    also: i just masturbated
     
  11. mindspell

    mindspell vvv Jake's ass vvv

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    You clearly have never played snooker.

    Shut up.
     
  12. chupe666

    chupe666 You may enter up to 25 ch

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    i love how the onion photos always look so fake. that guy totally looks like he's in front of a backdrop.
     
  13. xfer

    xfer I JERK OFF TO ARCTOPUS

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    I have DEFINITELY played snooker and was trapped in a club once with ONLY a snooker table and it was TOTALLY BAD.
     
  14. xfer

    xfer I JERK OFF TO ARCTOPUS

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    or, rather, I played a shitty billiards game that was called "snooker" (like 10 years ago) and was terrible and I have no memory about what it entailed except having very few balls, so if that ain't snooker then please move my statements of TOTALLY BAD over to whatever game that was.
     
  15. mindspell

    mindspell vvv Jake's ass vvv

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    well snooker has MORE balls than billiard so it certainly wasn't that. In snooker you have to down one of the coloured balls after one red ball for it to count and depending on the colour of the ball downed, more points is given.
     
  16. mindspell

    mindspell vvv Jake's ass vvv

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  17. xfer

    xfer I JERK OFF TO ARCTOPUS

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    so what'd i play that has three balls? and don't say e.t. with the extra testicle.
     
  18. mindspell

    mindspell vvv Jake's ass vvv

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  19. Helm

    Helm Maybe on Luna

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    What you played is I believe an originally french billiards game that predates the more well-known eightball or nineball, where there's no holes on the table and three balls, and the point is to hit both balls with the other one, while also hitting one of the sides of the table before the first ball-to-ball collision. Balls. If you succeed, you go again, and again, and again, tallying up the score, then when you lose the other person goes, whoever does better wins.

    It's a fun game if you're not horrible at generally calculating what goes where, since every time you play you not only have to achieve the objective of the three collisions, but you have to set up your next play as well.

    Snooker has a million balls on the table and is completely unlike both french and eightball/nineball. Bigger table, too.
     
  20. xfer

    xfer I JERK OFF TO ARCTOPUS

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    ahaha I take it back, I should have known that the shitty variant was FRENCH!
     

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