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teh joke thread omg

Discussion in 'Dark Tranquillity' started by Malaclypse, Aug 8, 2005.

  1. DeviousDVO

    DeviousDVO [user is dead]

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    :tickled:

    For some reason I thought the guy was gonna end up having a plushie fetish ... glad it didn't end that way :p
     
  2. marduk1507

    marduk1507 Member

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    This one is old, but good.

    Three guys and a woman are sitting in a bar. One of the guys says: "Im a yuppie - young urban professional". The other guy says: "Im a dinky - double income, no kids yet". The third guy says: "Im a rub - rich urban biker". Then they all turn to the woman and one of them asks: "And who are you?" And the woman says: "Im a wife - you know, wash, iron, fuck, etc."
     
  3. RampageSword

    RampageSword AWARE! BEWARE! WAR!

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    It's three guys, a small and a tall one. Then, the medium-sized one says to the fat one "Hey I found a nickel." and it started raining.
     
  4. marduk1507

    marduk1507 Member

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    A gun consists of four parts. Namely the following three: handgrip and barrel.
     
  5. RampageSword

    RampageSword AWARE! BEWARE! WAR!

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    ^haha, thank god for absurd.
     
  6. Magrathean

    Magrathean worldbuilder

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    mardy: The wife one is cool. :lol:

    --

    There's 10 kinds of people in the world: those who can read binary and those who can't.
     
  7. RampageSword

    RampageSword AWARE! BEWARE! WAR!

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  8. Rincewind

    Rincewind Find tranquillity in dark

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    Where poetry meets madness
    What has four legs and a hand?
    -Happy bulldog

    What are runners for cannibals?
    -Fast food
     
  9. wildfyr

    wildfyr unus spiritus est

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    ^^ :D

    Q: Do you smoke after sex?
    A: I don't know. I never checked.
     
  10. marduk1507

    marduk1507 Member

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  11. brokenchains

    brokenchains New Metal Member

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    a man walks into a bar and starts talking with the bar tender.. after they talk for a bit the man says

    "if i can show you something really amazing, and i mean really! will you let me drink free all night?"
    - "yea.. i guess but it has to great"

    the man pulls out a tiny piano and places it on the bar.. next he pulls a frog out of his pocket and plops it down at the piano. and the frog starts playing.

    bartender "Ohhh my god thats it buddy your drinking free all night!!"
    after many hours of both the man and the bartender drinking, the man says slurring his words

    "hay, if i can show you something even better than the frog will you let me drink free all year?"
    -"if it tops the frog you know it"

    so, while the frog is still playing the piano, the man pulls a rat out his pocket and drops it beside the frog. the rat started singing scat "shooby do ba bat bow" the bartender flips out and says he can drink free all year. another man from the bar sees all this happening and says

    "ill give you one million dollars for the frog and the rat right now"
    -"no. i'm not selling them"
    "how about ten thousand just for the rat"
    -".... *burp*. al..right"

    the bartender sees the man walk away with the rat and he turns to his drunk friend

    "why didnt you take the million, how could you seperate a combo like that"


    -"dont worry buddy. the frog is a vantrilliquist too."

    sounds better when its being said not read.
     
  12. Malaclypse

    Malaclypse Active Member

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    god to himself whilst creating women:

    "shit, no brains left! ah well, there's still tits!"
     
  13. marduk1507

    marduk1507 Member

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    Well, if you say so...

    God was about to finish his creation when he said to Adam and Eve: "Ive got two things left here and you can get one each. The first is the ability to pee while standing." Adam was instantly agitated and started to jump around God: "I want that, let me have it, please, please, pleeease! I want to be able to stand and pee, that must be so great!" Eve just smiled and yawned a bit, so God said: "Very well, you shall have it, Adam!" And Adam screamed with joy and went to a tree to celebrate his first pee. God turned to Eve and muttered: "What do we have left for you here? Aaaah, multiple orgasms!"
     
  14. marduk1507

    marduk1507 Member

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    One more:

    A guy goes to a army shop and wants to buy a good telescope for his rifle. The assistant shows him one and says: "This one is the best we have here. Its so good that you can see my house over there on the hill on the other side of the city! Have a look!" The man does so and after a few seconds begins to laugh. "What is it?" asks the assistant. "Well, I see a naked woman and a naked man running around your house." The assistant grabs the telescope and looks. He is mad with anger and says to the customer: "Man, I will give you the telescope and a gun for nothing if you shoot my wifes head and the guys dick off with these 2 bullets!" The man ponders and says: "Deal". So he takes the gun, aims carefully and begins to laugh again. "Whats up, man, why are you laughing?", asks the assistant madly. "Nothing", says the man, "I just think I will need only one bullet!"
     
  15. Malaclypse

    Malaclypse Active Member

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    somehow i can only recall bad jokes about women, so here's another:

    how does a macho change a lightbulb in the kitchen?


    ...



    not at all, the bitch can cook in the dark!
     
  16. Magrathean

    Magrathean worldbuilder

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    Here's another one about God and all:

    After creating Adam, God saw that he (Adam) was kind of lonely, so he asked him if he would like a partner. Adam instantly nodded. So God told him "i shall make a partner for you who will keep you company, cook for you, take care of you, please you in every way possible, wash your clothes, be nice to you and obey your every command". Adam, excited, started to thank God, but the latter said "but she will cost you an arm, an eye and a leg". After pondering it for a while, Adam asked God "what will you give me for one rib?".

    You figure out the ending. ;)

    Note: I am not a sexist and did not invent the joke above. Just to clarify things.
     
  17. Magrathean

    Magrathean worldbuilder

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    Man: So you created everything?
    God: Yes.
    Man: Including black holes?
    God: Yes.
    Man: Which will eventually swallow up everything?
    God: Yes.
    Man: Including you?
    God: ... ... I'm working on that.
     
  18. Vizjaqtaar

    Vizjaqtaar Blue!... No, yellooou..

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  19. marduk1507

    marduk1507 Member

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    Wow, thats really GAY! :D
     
  20. RampageSword

    RampageSword AWARE! BEWARE! WAR!

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    Can pictures be held as jokes? yes. here's one :

    [​IMG]
     

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