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teh joke thread omg

Discussion in 'Dark Tranquillity' started by Malaclypse, Aug 8, 2005.

  1. Magrathean

    Magrathean worldbuilder

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    Something like that was bound to happen. But i don't think we have to take that. I believe it is (more or less) general opinion that everyone here is gay. :D
     
  2. wildfyr

    wildfyr unus spiritus est

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    ^ Speak for yourself panty waist. :D

    *Ducks* Please don't hit me with your purse.

    :p
     
  3. Magrathean

    Magrathean worldbuilder

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    *runs away screaming "i'm gonna tell mom!"*
     
  4. RampageSword

    RampageSword AWARE! BEWARE! WAR!

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    This one lacks moral values but is still funny :

    Q : What's another name for an epilepsy seizure?

    A : The bacon dance.
     
  5. Rincewind

    Rincewind Find tranquillity in dark

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    ^ :D

    The masochist comes to a sadist: Oh beat me,please!
    And the sadist answers:Oh no I wont!
     
  6. Magrathean

    Magrathean worldbuilder

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    ^ :lol: Very good one, Rince.
     
  7. Rincewind

    Rincewind Find tranquillity in dark

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    Thanky you UC ;)
     
  8. Magrathean

    Magrathean worldbuilder

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    I know a very good one, but people from the USA might be offended...
     
  9. wildfyr

    wildfyr unus spiritus est

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    ^ That's never stopped you before. :Smug: Go ahead and tell it. Make my day. :p
     
  10. Magrathean

    Magrathean worldbuilder

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    :lol: Okay, here goes:

    One day, George W. Bush decides to send a "gift" to Fidel Castro. He takes some shit (as in excrement), wraps it in a box and sends it to Cuba. A few days later, a square box with a ribbon arrives at the White House from Cuba. Mr. President has it checked in case it's a bomb or something, and after his best specialists decide it's not a bomb he opens it. Inside he finds a habano cigar of the finest quality and a little note. He takes the note and reads it: "Each country exports what it produces."

    Oh, well, it's funny if you tell it in spanish and with your voice rather than a keyboard.
     
  11. incendo

    incendo Member

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    ^It's still funny. :)
     
  12. DeviousDVO

    DeviousDVO [user is dead]

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    Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend.
    "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

    Watson replies, "I see millions of stars."

    "What does that tell you?"

    Watson ponders for a minute. "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Timewise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

    Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks. "Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent."
     
  13. incendo

    incendo Member

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    How about this:

    Saying "I never peed in the sea" is saying "I've never been in the sea".
     
  14. Magrathean

    Magrathean worldbuilder

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    khanyon: Thanx. :) That's probably the only funny joke my dad has told me.
     
  15. incendo

    incendo Member

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    ^I guess I know what you mean and I got one of those dads, too. :)
     
  16. Magrathean

    Magrathean worldbuilder

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    It's horrible, isn't it?
    (Until you and your brother find out that you can make a joke out of the fact that all of your father's jokes are terrible, of course.) ;)
     
  17. incendo

    incendo Member

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    :tickled:

    Actually, what was in my mind when saying "one of those dads" was very similar to these little thingies you've just wrote up there.
     
  18. Rincewind

    Rincewind Find tranquillity in dark

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    Three Hells

    A bad person dies and is greeted by Saint Peter. Peter tells the man he must choose between three hells.
    The first hell is very hot and he sees a lot of people burning in fire. The next hell is freezing cold and he sees people shivering and clamoring. In the third hell, he sees people standing in shit up to their waist but they look quite happy. They are drinking a cup of coffee and are chatting with each other. So the bad person says to Peter, "I choose the third hell with all the people standing in shit up to their waist."
    So Peter admits the bad person to the third hell. He gets a cup of coffee and feels quite comfortable. Suddenly he hears a beep from a loud speaker that says, "Attention. Attention. Coffee break is over. It's time to stand on your head now."
     
  19. Blitzkrieg Pajo

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    that joke isn't funny. i mean burning in fire and freezing may be better than swimming in shit. but not really if you have to do it your whole afterlife.
     
  20. Rincewind

    Rincewind Find tranquillity in dark

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    Man, don't take everything so seriously
     

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