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Discussion in 'Dark Tranquillity' started by Malaclypse, Aug 8, 2005.
I thought it was pretty funny
Here's my joke:
Q:how do you call a dog with two legs?
A:it doesn't matter becouse it can't come to you anyway
A blonde boards a plane, goes straight to the business class and sits down on the best seat. The flight attendant tells her that she is not allowed to sit there because she has a ticket to the economy class. But the blonde says: "Im blonde, Im cool and Im going to California, so Ill sit here". Another flight attendadnt comes and tries to persuade her to leave, but she keeps repeating her mantra. So they call the pilot. He comes and whispers something to the blondes ear. She immediately stands up and goes to her class. The attendants wonder how the pilot did it, so they ask him. And the pilot says: "I just told her this section of the plane doesnt go to California."
Ha ha ha...I heard that one before but is still funny
A blonde and brunette were watching the 6 o'clock news. The news was about a man about ready to jump off a bridge. The brunette turns to the blonde and says, " I bet you $50 the man is going to jump." The blonde replies, "Okay you're on." Sure enough, the man jumps, and the blonde gives the brunette $50. The brunette says, "I actually can't accept this money. I watched the 5 o'clock news and saw the man jump then." "No, you have to take it," says the blonde. "I watched the 5 o'clock news too, but I didn't think he would do it again."
Maybe Ive already posted this one, but fuck it:
One blonde is standing on one bank of the river, the other blonde on the other. One of them shouts: "How do I get to the other side?" And the other replies: "You silly cow, you are on the other side!"
Q : What's the difference between having sex in a canoe and a Budweiser?
A : None. Both are fucking pretty close to water.
IN YOUR FACE AMERICAN BOOZE.
I'm sure much of you know this, and maybe posted here before. but I'm sure there are some who hasn't heard, yet.
4 beer companies' (let's say; bud, carlsberg, efes, dikky) ceo's go to a bar. waiter arrives and asks for their orders.
bud ceo:: I'll have "bud", please.
carlsberg ceo:: I want a "carlsberg".
efes ceo:: I want a bottle of "efes", please.
dikky ceo:: I want a glass of water, please.
bud, carlsberg, efes ceo's:: why don't you drink your company's shit, like we do?
dikky ceo:: well, everybody here ordered drinks so close to water, so I decided to join you.
Well, this is probably why the Czech Budvar is fighting for its right for the trade mark, because the american Bud ruins the reputation of the brand - the Czech Budvar is a good beer.
It Is. I am perfectly willing to pay the extra fo the Czech brand.
Robin Williams: God gave man a penis and a brain. And only enough blood to run one at a time.
mind matters not?
teh sexist joke thread omg!
Ahahahahaha.. aha.. ha.. haha.. ah... Erm, no. :Smug:
So there's three priests arguing over what they're going to do with the money they got at that day's masses. One thinks most of it should go to God's services (repairing the church and all), another thinks that most of it should go to them, and the argument rages on.
"I know," says one finally, "let's draw a line on the floor and throw all the money to the air; the coins that land on this side of the line are for us, and the ones that land on the other side go to serve God almighty.
"No, no," says the second one, "that's stupid. Let's grab a table and throw all the money to the air; the coins that land on the table are for us, and the rest are for God."
"No, no, too complicated," retorts the third one. "I can think of a method that doesn't require tables or lines: Let's throw all the coins up to the air and let God take the ones he want; the rest go for us."
An old man says to a child:
"-Hey, kid, do you want to see a magic trick?
-Come sit on my lap... Do you feel my finger in your ass?
The old man holds his hands into air and shouts "Magic!"
The 70s, Soviet Union.
On a meeting with the editors of the party press, Brezhniev takes a think and says:
Well, comrades journalists, I tell you, those time zones are a global problem. You know, a couple of weeks ago I wanted to talk with Indira about that rebellion in Kashmir, I call her and shes having a bath.
I tell you, gentlemen, a blunder. Another time, I go from lunch, you know, and I think I call Ronald and settle that problem with rockets. But it was 4 a.m. in the US and Ronald was still sleeping. He was so pissed off that we didnt make any agreement.
Or, I call the Pope to Rome, how he is doing after that attempt on his life,
...and..., well, it was an hour before it happened...
What do you find in the shower of a cannibal?
- Head and Shoulders.