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The Story of metal

Discussion in 'Symphony X (Unofficial)' started by darkblade, Sep 8, 2007.

  1. darkblade

    darkblade heartbeat of the earth

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    * THRASH METAL
    The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princess and fucks her.

    * HEAVY METAL
    The protagonist arrives on a Harley, kills the dragon, drinks a few beers and fucks the princess.

    * FOLK METAL
    The protagonist arrives with some friends playing accordions, violins, flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls asleep (because of all the dancing). Then all leave........ without the princess.

    * VIKING METAL
    The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his mighty axe, skins the dragon and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals her belongings and burns the castle before leaving.

    * DEATH METAL
    The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, fucks the princess and kills her, then leaves.

    * GORE METAL
    The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in front of the castle, fucks the princess and kills her. Then he fucks the dead body again, slashes her belly and eats her guts. Then he fucks the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and fucks it for the last time.

    * DOOM METAL
    The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks he could never beat him, then he gets depressed and commits suicide. The dragon eats his body and the princess as dessert. That's the end of the sad story.

    * PROGRESSIVE METAL
    The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes. The dragon kills himself out of boredom. The protagonist arrives to the princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques and tunes he learned in the last year of the conservatory. The princess escapes looking for the 'HEAVY METAL' protagonist.

    * GLAM METAL
    The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance and lets him enter. He steals the princess' make up and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink colour.

    * NU METAL
    The protagonist arrives in a run down Honda Civic and attempts to fight the dragon but he burns to death when his moronic baggy clothes catch fire.

    * POWER METAL
    The protagonist arrives riding a majestic warhorse, slays the dragon with his magic long sword, saves the princess and makes love to her in an enchanted forest.

    * BLACK METAL
    The protagonist IS the dragon, dwells in the heart of the night with in a castle full of hellhounds and eternal flames. He kills the sassy knight, fucks the noble steed and sacrifices the princess to Satan.
     
  2. DestructoSpin

    DestructoSpin The White Wizard

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    No, it should be he fights masses of corrupt politicians.

    He doesnt fight a dragon, he fights a whole group of rapist cops.

    They get the dragon to fall asleep with their trollish music, then get drunk forget the princess and leave. They then have another party and have a mushroom feast.


    Hes gotta kill a Kracken or something, not a dragon.


    He has to kill an evil baby, then stew it. Then he kills and rapes the princess...actually its the babies mom but whatever.


    Its a zombie king guy....not a dragon.

    Yeah that works


    yep

    Ninja's instead of dragons. Watch that ghey motely crue video haha

    He tries to beatbox a giant robot to death, then gets burned by laser vision.

    Exactly.

    Yeah.
     
  3. DoomsdayZach

    DoomsdayZach The Professor was right

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    Older than the internet, but still funny.

    I think you missed the point. It's a joke. Way to ruin a funny joke. You ruined a funny joke.
     
  4. 1by4by9

    1by4by9 Member

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  5. SilentRealm

    SilentRealm Member

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    yeah I loved this when I first read it..
     
  6. CttN

    CttN Progworkd

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    I think I have the longer list somewhere ie saved on my computer. I lol'd pretty hard when I first read this, back in the dark ages. I still do lol.
     
  7. DoomsdayZach

    DoomsdayZach The Professor was right

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    can someone else please point out how destructass missed / ruined a perfectly hilarious list? And how he's going to come on and say he was "making his own joke" or some bullshit thing.

    *grumbles* i need more beer.
     
  8. DestructoSpin

    DestructoSpin The White Wizard

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    No. I have nothing to argue against....I never get jokes. I fail.
     
  9. Kenneth R.

    Kenneth R. Cináed

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    Best thread ever. Sticky this. :lol: Just delete every reply after the first one :lol: :lol:
     
  10. razoredge

    razoredge Member

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    So does this mean metal heads are easily amused ......
     
  11. darkblade

    darkblade heartbeat of the earth

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    noi, it means that metal heads are a diverse group of dragon slayers.
     
  12. DestructoSpin

    DestructoSpin The White Wizard

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    :lol:


    I take everything so literally hahahaha
     
  13. Detective Clarence Beauregard

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    I think I like the nu-metal story the best.
     
  14. Meedleyx10

    Meedleyx10 Member

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    who gives a fuck 'bout metal anyway?
     
  15. razoredge

    razoredge Member

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    I like the alloys myself
     
  16. darkblade

    darkblade heartbeat of the earth

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    alloys are total b.s. they would be nothing without metals!!!!
     
  17. Detective Clarence Beauregard

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    Metals are so special that they have their own spot on the periodic table.
     
  18. Ret-

    Ret- Witching Metal!!!

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    The person that wrote this list obviously has no idea of what these genres are really all about so I'll attempt at writing a much better version of these ones:



    Thrash Metal:
    The protagonist arrives drunk, in his white high top sneakers and cut off denim jacket covered with patches, starts headbanging like a madman and with the force of the wind blows the dragon away into the moshpit then puts on some Kreator and fucks the princess

    Heavy Metal:
    The protagonist arrives wearing nothing but denim and leather with a Saxon t-shirt.. he tells the dragon if he isn't into Manowar then he isnt his freind, the dragon gets upset... asks for the protagonist's forgiveness but the protagonist tells the dragon he is a false metaler and he blasts Manowar's "Hail to England" album at him so loud that the sound waves blast the dragons scales and skin right off and it dies. The protagonist asks the princess if she likes Manowar, she has never heard of them so he kills her.

    Ok now honestly for Death metal I could not really think of one cool enough to do so I'll do mine based on american brutal death metal

    American brutal death metal:
    The protagonist arrives in a black Suffocation t-shirt with a white t-shirt under it with Dickies pants or shorts (usually shorts) and DVS skate shoes. He picks up a guitar and proceeds to start playing NO other notes than from frets 1 to 4 on the bottom E string with the random palm mutes here and there... puts the guitar down and says "that was SICK AND BRUTAL DUUUUUUDE!" then does some hardcore dancing and accidently hits the princess and knocks her out.. he is startled shocked that he did this so he's standing on the spot with his mouth wide open in shock and simply blurts out "Brutal..."

    and WHAT THE FUCK, this person totally screwed up the Doom metal one.. he obviously only knows of My Dying Bride and other piss weak emo doom metal bands. Real doom metal: Earth, Candlemass, SunnO))), Coffins etc...


    Doom metal:
    The protagonist arrives in a black robe with the hood completely covering his head and face, this one also brings a guitar and he plugs it into a Sunn amp and plays a power chord from his Les Paul. The Dragon AND the Princess then loses control of his bowels from how low fidelity and loud the guitar is and shits himself, then he slowly walks away into the fog.




    There... might put this on myspace aswell... damn that was an effort... don't want it to goto waste.
     
  19. Ret-

    Ret- Witching Metal!!!

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    The Black metal one is also retarded... so retarded infact I'm not even going to bother writing a new one for it
     
  20. Phanto

    Phanto Alalalalalalalala.

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    "How do you sink a norwegian sub?"
    - "You knock."
    "NO WAIT I KNOW A BETTER JOKE LOL HOW DO U SINK A SUB LOL U SHOOT IT ROFFL!!"
     

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