I'm gonna try to keep the mushy shit out of this as much as possible, so as to not make everyone on the forum throw up and call me a fag like we are in third grade at recess lol. Long story short, for the past 6 years I thought I was gonna grow up, marry this girl, and have a family with her. when times were rough... even really, really rough sometimes, when they were good, whatever... that dream was always there(and it wasn't one sided, we have talked about it), and a lot of my decisions in this life so far were with the goal of being able to provide for her and our future children in mind. well, I fucked it up, I broke it, and I have been working my fingers to the bone to fix it/make up for it/etc for the past 8 months, which has probably been the most excruciating experience of my entire life. but I have come to uncover a few things recently that make me think that maybe no matter what I do, it's just not happening... at the very least, not for a very long time. I know I sound like a whiny bitch, and I know everyone is just gonna say "there are plenty of other fish in the sea" blah blah blah. but when you invest that much of yourself into someone for that long, and lose it anyway... when you offer them the world and they still don't want to even try to move past their anger with you, when they doubt your love despite every proof in the world, it's....painful. to say the least. I can barely hold it together. I don't even know how I find the energy to keep getting myself out of bed in the morning. I think I just keep getting up every day and working my dick off in the hopes that maybe some day I will actually give a shit again. I don't think there's any decent way to explain the 6 years of story and details that would be required for me to ask for advice on how I could continue trying to fix my situation, and I'm sure everyone would just say to give up anyway. I don't know if I'm ready to give up completely yet but I feel like the best thing I can do for it right now is to do nothing. So I need something to cope, something to distract.. I don't even know. Work isn't cutting it anymore, even when business is booming and money is good, I have been drinking a lot more but that's not good either especially when my family history is considered. I'm not too fond of the idea of getting involved with another woman now or for the foreseeable future(physically or otherwise.. I have tried it a couple of times since this started and it was.... unfulfilling at best) I have been thinking about maybe going back to lifting but I have no appetite anymore and I don't wanna lose even more weight than I already have. I feel like when people deal with this they go out and do things that they couldn't do before, but this girl didn't keep me from doing anything I wanted to. So I don't have that luxury, the only thing I could do I guess that's different is go out and bang a bunch of girls but like I said.. it's not even appealing right now. I keep trying to come up with things to do but anything I think of I'm just like meh... would rather just lay in bed. In fact, the only real way I get through a day at the studio or whatever is the thought that the sooner I get done, the sooner I can climb into bed and suffer alone. I've gone through this with her once before and I ended up doing a whole bunch of dumb and dangerous stuff and I don't really wanna go back down that path again. What have you guys done to deal?