This site is supported by the advertisements on it, please disable your AdBlocker so we can continue to provide you with the quality content you expect.

Welcome to Our Community

Wanting to join the rest of our members? Feel free to sign up today.

cheer up: the joke thread

Discussion in 'Antimatter' started by Mariner, Feb 6, 2003.

  1. paradiselost

    paradiselost Doomed Forever

    Joined:
    Dec 3, 2002
    Messages:
    59
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    6
    Location:
    Mexico
    A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap. Santa asks, "What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?" The little girl replies, "I want a Barbie and a G.I. Joe." Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, "I thought Barbie comes with Ken."
    "No," says the little girl. "She comes with G.I. Joe; she fakes it with Ken."
     
  2. paradiselost

    paradiselost Doomed Forever

    Joined:
    Dec 3, 2002
    Messages:
    59
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    6
    Location:
    Mexico
    Other:

    "Miss Reynolds, we can't hire you as a model," the editor from the men's magazine explained. "It's obvious that your blonde hair isn't natural, since the hair between your legs is black."

    The young model picked up the magazine editor's bowling ball and slammed it down on his fingers.

    "What the hell did you do that for!" he exploded.

    She smiled sweetly and said, "Look at your fingers. They're turning black, right? And they've only been banged once."
     
  3. paradiselost

    paradiselost Doomed Forever

    Joined:
    Dec 3, 2002
    Messages:
    59
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    6
    Location:
    Mexico
    last one:

    Two doomsters walk into a bar. They're both really surpised to hear some drone doom playing, and can't remember ever hearing the song before. Finally one of the doomsters asks the dj for the name of the song he's playing. The dj looks at him really funny and says: "song? we've been trying to figure out why we're getting a bad ground thorugh the P.A. for the last 30 minutes!"
     
  4. paradiselost

    paradiselost Doomed Forever

    Joined:
    Dec 3, 2002
    Messages:
    59
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    6
    Location:
    Mexico
    Can't resist, have to post this one!
    [​IMG]
     
  5. Bodomania

    Bodomania Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2003
    Messages:
    70
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    6
    Location:
    Cambridge,UK for my sins...
    Did you hear about the princess who stayed out after midnight?
    She turned into a concrete pillar

    What did Princess Diana get for Christmas?
    The Queen Mother

    Did Dodi do Di before Di and Dodi died???

    I have hundreds of these but I'll have mercy...
     
  6. Bodomania

    Bodomania Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2003
    Messages:
    70
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    6
    Location:
    Cambridge,UK for my sins...
    Ok. I lied. Here is the alternative lyrics to Candle in the Wind...

    Two Sheets To The Wind

    Goodbye Princess Di
    Though I never knew you at all
    You had the strength to hold your beer
    While those around you crawled

    They fell out of the hotel
    And they were plastered
    Out of their brains
    They drove into a tunnel
    But couldn't stay in the lane

    And it seems to me
    Your driver was
    Two sheets to the wind
    Never knowing where the road was
    When his brain caved in

    And I would have like to have known you
    While you were still in one piece
    The Mercedes gave out long before
    The pillar ever did

    Here's a thought... If Diana's heart was in the right place, WHY WAS IT FOUND IN THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT???
     
  7. Morpheus

    Morpheus Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2002
    Messages:
    4,234
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Location:
    Siegen, Germany
    didn't know that, sorry
     
  8. cedarbreed

    cedarbreed Don't mean nothin'

    Joined:
    Dec 9, 2001
    Messages:
    6,475
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Location:
    A Nation on Fire
    Are you kidding mate ?

    Come on ! don't start pretending it was a coincidence ;)
     
  9. Morpheus

    Morpheus Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2002
    Messages:
    4,234
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Location:
    Siegen, Germany
    I'm not kiddin'! Where should i know it from?
     
  10. cedarbreed

    cedarbreed Don't mean nothin'

    Joined:
    Dec 9, 2001
    Messages:
    6,475
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Location:
    A Nation on Fire
    from the Paris gig bootleg ?? ;)

    nevermind i trust you but it's a funny coincidence :lol:
     
  11. cedarbreed

    cedarbreed Don't mean nothin'

    Joined:
    Dec 9, 2001
    Messages:
    6,475
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Location:
    A Nation on Fire
    When soulseek works again , just take the paris gig from me PC and you'll understand ;)
     
  12. cedarbreed

    cedarbreed Don't mean nothin'

    Joined:
    Dec 9, 2001
    Messages:
    6,475
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Location:
    A Nation on Fire
    just wanted to add that I'm not letting ANYONE dowload the Lille gig from my PC if u know what I mean... and for the other boots i only let them DL to some freaks of that forum :p
     
  13. Morpheus

    Morpheus Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2002
    Messages:
    4,234
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Location:
    Siegen, Germany
  14. StrahmCallin'!

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2001
    Messages:
    103
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    16
    Location:
    Fort Wayne, Indiana, USA
    Ok, here is a joke. Kinda stupid but bear with me. These 3 dudes go to apply for jobs with the CIA in the U.S. The first one goes in for his interview and the interviewer is like "Ok for the last part of your screening.....I have a test.....would you be willing to do anything that was asked of you without question?" The potential employee is like "Yes sir!!" So the interviewer pulls out a gun and says "Ok, I want you to take this home and kill your wife.......shoot her in the head 3 times." The guy thinks about it and is like "No, no way I love my wife, I would never kill her." So the interviewer asks him to leave and brings in the second guy. After a brief interview, he asks him the same question and gives him the gun. Again, the 2nd guy thinks about it and is like "I can't............we've been married 3 years.....I love her, and I could never do anything to harm her". So again, the interviewer thanks the dude for his time and the guy leaves. He calls the 3rd guy in, the guy comes in, gets interviewed and asked the same request. He thinks about it and is like "Oh hell yeah sir! I've been married to her 25 years........I'll enjoy this!!!!!" Next day, the 3rd guy comes back to the office and is mad as hell. Kicking the trash cans and stuff. He goes into the interviewer's office and punches the wall yelling, cursing and that. The interviewer is like "Jesus guy, why are you so angry??????" The guy is like "I did exactly what you said!!! I took this damn gun home, shot my wife 3 times and the damn thing was loaded with blanks!!!!!!!" lol......ok there's my contribution to this thread.
     
  15. Mariner

    Mariner all the way

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2001
    Messages:
    6,181
    Likes Received:
    3
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Location:
    Belgium
    yeah, i know a classic joke.

    What needs it to bring the beatles together again?




    2 bullets :)
    AND

    Which human race found out the triathlon?




    The Turks: they go on foot to the swimming pool and they return by bike :lol: (this one rules, esp. when youre living in/close too Ghent :lol: )
     
  16. Bodomania

    Bodomania Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2003
    Messages:
    70
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    6
    Location:
    Cambridge,UK for my sins...
    The sexual urge of the Camel
    Is greater than anyone thinks
    After many a month in the desert
    It attempted a rape on the Sphinx

    Now the intimate parts of that lady
    are sunk 'neath the sands of the Nile
    Hence the hump on the back of the Camel
    and the Sphinx's inscrutable smile.


    Pause for applause...



     
  17. Bambi

    Bambi Villain of the piece

    Joined:
    Dec 19, 2001
    Messages:
    5,475
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Location:
    Evil lair
    the once was a girl called alice
    who used a dynamite stick as a phallus
    they found her vagina in north carolina
    and the rest of her body in dallas
     
  18. Bambi

    Bambi Villain of the piece

    Joined:
    Dec 19, 2001
    Messages:
    5,475
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Location:
    Evil lair
    There was a young lady of Bude
    Who went for a swim in the nude
    A chap in a punt
    Grabbed hold of her ............arm :)
    And said
    "You can't swim here. It's private".
     
  19. cedarbreed

    cedarbreed Don't mean nothin'

    Joined:
    Dec 9, 2001
    Messages:
    6,475
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Location:
    A Nation on Fire
    :lol: :) :lol:

    LMAO !!!!!!!!!!!

    :lol: :) :lol:
     
  20. Bodomania

    Bodomania Member

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2003
    Messages:
    70
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    6
    Location:
    Cambridge,UK for my sins...
    What would you find in John Lennon's coffin?
    2 slugs and a beatle...
     

Share This Page

  • About Us

    Our music community has been around for almost 15 years and we pride ourselves on offering great metal music discussion, as well as music production and other closely related topics. We work hard every day to make sure our community is one of the best. Enjoy!
  • Like us on Facebook

  • Donate ♥

    We have worked hard for 15 years (and running) to make sure our Metal community is running fast, uses the best software, and isn't overloaded with advertising. If you love the forum as much as we love bringing it to you, please show your support with a generous donation. We really appreciate it!