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CYTH'S METAL REVIEWS TO THE BONE, PART 1

Discussion in 'Your Reviews' started by Cythraul, May 18, 2011.

  1. Cythraul

    Cythraul Active Member

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    Immortal - Battles in the North: It sounds like a jet taking off while your grandma has a stomach ache. Legendary black metal.

    4 out of 5 fucking (s)cyths: [​IMG][​IMG][​IMG][​IMG]


    Nocturnal Rites - Tales of Mystery and Imagination: I was surprised at how good this is. The first track is, ummm, pretty gay, for lack of a better term. However, the rest of the tracks are varying degrees of good. The production and guitar tone have a very classic, 80s vibe. Lots of Yngwie Malmsteen influence (not as wanky though). The whole thing is a little fruity overall, though, as is to be expected. These guys are Europeans, and everybody knows that there are basically two things that every European likes: welfare payments and black cocks up the ass.

    3 out of 5 assripping (s)cyths: [​IMG][​IMG][​IMG]


    Marduk - Opus Nocturne: This is Marduk's best album, and it's one of the best Swedish black metal albums ever. This is when they actually put more than 5 seconds of thought into constructing their music. After this album they ran out of decent riffs and evidently most of their brain cells. Get this now.

    4 out of 5 fucking (s)cyths: [​IMG][​IMG][​IMG][​IMG]


    Hellhammer - Demon Entrails: This release contains the Hellhammer demos Satanic Rites, Death Fiend, and Triumph of Death. Pretty much all of it sounds like ass, but it's legendary and influential and all that, so I listen to it out of a sense of metallic obligation. Seriously, though, nobody actually likes Hellhammer. And if you want to come in here and try to tell me that you really, really enjoy Hellhammer at some basic level, you're lying and you can go suck a fat ghetto meatrod for all I care.

    2 out of 5 (s)cyths: [​IMG][​IMG]

    [​IMG]
    ^ Infinite (s)cyths: [​IMG] x infinity​
     
  2. Blind Guardian

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    :lol:

    I agree about Nocturnal Rites, they're one of the few Euro power bands that have managed to maintain some heavy metal grit in their music. This type of music needs to stay rooted in heavy metal in order to not simply become happy fairy music.
     
  3. Krigloch the Furious

    Krigloch the Furious Pants full of poo

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  4. Episteme

    Episteme Member

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    This is awesome. I approve.
     
  5. The Butt

    The Butt Unholy gas, flares from my ass

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    This is golden. :lol: I demand more.
     
  6. Stormwatch

    Stormwatch Cock.

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  7. skeptik

    skeptik Member

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    Is that UltraBoris? Anyway, the Hellhammer review is gay. The Satanic Rites demo is amazing, and a lot of the stuff from the other recording session is great despite the vocals of Steve Warrior basically sucking. But seriously, it's very womanly and unmetal to not like this:

     
    #7 skeptik, Jun 17, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 20, 2015

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