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Do you wipe your arse standing up or sitting down?

Discussion in 'RC' started by Reign in Acai, Dec 31, 2007.

?

The More You Know!!!

  1. Standing

    35.2%
  2. Sitting

    55.6%
  3. Squatting

    9.3%
  4. I'm a vegan, I don't shit, too busy being snow globed

    1.9%
  5. I admit to ripping ass while alone in public places

    29.6%
  6. I'm of distinguished upbringing, I never break wind in public!

    3.7%
  1. Reign in Acai

    Reign in Acai Of Elephant and Man

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    I got a couple new thoughts, but it's more centered around pissing while standing up. Pissing whilst standing is a matter of convenience for some, but for most is it really all that convenient? Now don't approach me with your condescension, that it's easy to hit the bowl 100% of the time. There's many variables at play when it comes to taking the Iguana to Maui. Two variables in particular I would like to discuss.

    A) The semi-cockductor; This is when for reasons unknown (usually in the morn) you have a semi and are unable to aim in a direct manner. Such errant trajectory often leads to run off, and at certain points even a drizzle effect on your Fruit of the Loom MIchael Jordan collection underoos. Just the other week I arose at 3am to hammer out some Chinese Herbal Pee, and my 4 inch Monty left my skivvy's as soaked as a traveling nurse panging over the memory of a lost love. I literally had to don another pair as I peered down at a donut sized soak on my crotch. Why? Because I pissed standing up. I'm starting to find this quite unproductive.

    B) The post coital drain; After getting your freak on from an evening of clowning on your mistress/girlfriend/prostitute/erm the wife, one is saddled with the need to let loose of those 4 happy hour margaritas one got over some Jamaican food. The Bataan marching batter drums a slow sullen beat down your road of inoculation, usually interfering with the piss pressure of one's piping. This causes a tuning fork effect, parting a portion of the golden elixir to veer off course and usually outside of the bowl. Ever go to a ball game and see a puddle of piss between the urinals? This is infeasible, taking the positioning of the urinals in to play. Even though I have waltzed in to a stall on many occasion and have found streaks of shat on the seat itself, the commonality of the errant piss drop is far too every day to write off as intentional. There's just no controlling it. Therefore, why piss standing up? Because we can? Sure it's convenient, but the convenience is negated by the 15 seconds it takes to wipe around the bowl with tissue to clean up any droplets that failed to hit the targeted reservoir. All it takes is 2 seconds to sit down folks. I'll still continue to piss whilst standing, but why, I'll never know. :erk:
     
  2. Reign in Acai

    Reign in Acai Of Elephant and Man

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    At approx 1600 hours today, I dropped a nice meaty loaf, his name was Robert Paulson. I turned to my left and viewed two empty rolls of teepee, hiked up my britches which created a pb&j effect between my cheeks and grabbed a fresh roll from the cabinet hallway. Waddling back to the camode I begin to wipe whilst standing until all is clean and merry. Going with my intuition that the ply was playing tricks, and standing by my ethos that man is made to wipe whilst sitting, I squat and lunge deep in to the vaccuum. Lo and behold, a double scoop of 31 flavors is soft served on my forefingers. Proving once and for all, that those of us who wipe whilse standing are unclean and practice poor hygiene. [/CloseThread]
     
  3. NAD

    NAD What A Horrible Night To Have A Curse

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    :lol: :lol: :Guthrum: :lol:

    I love this part so very, much.
     
  4. Krigloch the Furious

    Krigloch the Furious Pants full of poo

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  5. ChaosLee

    ChaosLee Formerly Necromunchkin

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    That's way to put punctuation on a thread
     
  6. Krigloch the Furious

    Krigloch the Furious Pants full of poo

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  7. Disgustipated

    Disgustipated Cynical.

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    Seriously man, nobody wants to see your shit.

    You filthy cunt.
     
  8. Ellestin

    Ellestin one-click buy

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    Good lord.......
     
  9. Krigloch the Furious

    Krigloch the Furious Pants full of poo

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  10. monoxide_child

    monoxide_child New Metal Member

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    most hilarious thread EVER
     
  11. ~Neurotica

    ~Neurotica perfectly insane

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  12. dorian gray

    dorian gray Returning videotapes

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  13. ~Neurotica

    ~Neurotica perfectly insane

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    i remember how this thread was one of the most popular on google... it made me come back.
     
  14. ~Neurotica

    ~Neurotica perfectly insane

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    I came across posts of Cara and Susperia about vaginas and ways of inserting tampons - on the first pages of this thread.... and i thought to myself - good far 2008... we were young and blood was boiling in our veins... We are not the same anymore.... then I came to the last page and saw Krig's shit pictures... and i'll tell you - yes we are... yes we are...
     
    Krilons Resa likes this.
  15. NAD

    NAD What A Horrible Night To Have A Curse

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    Cattle die,
    kinsmen die
    RC itself (may) die;
    I know one thing
    which never dies:
    the judgment of a Krigloch's waste.
     
    Krilons Resa likes this.
  16. Krigloch the Furious

    Krigloch the Furious Pants full of poo

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    Yeah, still going. Be rockin that toity!

    [​IMG]
     
  17. dorian gray

    dorian gray Returning videotapes

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    I'm so glad I opened this thread
     
  18. Reign in Acai

    Reign in Acai Of Elephant and Man

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    Why is every turd in this thread, a man's turd?!?! Women step it up!
     
  19. Ellestin

    Ellestin one-click buy

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    if that bowl could talk...
     
  20. NAD

    NAD What A Horrible Night To Have A Curse

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    Have I told the story about the time an old girlfriend of mine, one whom HATED to take a dump, showed me her true magick? She was a small woman, quite petite, and whilst comfortable with her bodily functions, being a nursing student at the time and all, she absolutely loathed having to excavate her own excrement. I always found this puzzling, and told her so on numerous occasions, so then one day after she had spent more-time-than-a-quick-wee-worth in the lady's room, she marched out, told me to get into the bathroom post haste, and then proceeded to point menacingly toward the toilet within which floated the largest fucking turd I'd ever seen in my entire life. It was singularly amazing in its girth, quite easily the size of my upper arm, and I'm no small dude.

    her: "Do you see the size of that?!"
    me: "...mother of god..."
    her: "THAT HURTS."
     

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