Start by taking some money and going to a hardware store. Buy a sledge hammer, an exacto knife, and one of those vices that you put on tables. Go to work, put the vice on your desk, take your pants off, put your penis in it, and make sure the vice is really tight. Take the sledge hammer and slam it down on your penis as hard as you can. Then take out the exacto knife and cut off your penis, and cut it in half. Take one half and put it up your butt, then take the other half and put it in an envelope and send it to her desk with a note that says: "I'm way more gay than you think I am." Yeah, that'll show her.