As non-careerists, we don't go trolling about myspace indiscriminately making friend requests, trying to "beef up our numbers". We don't suffer from the illusion that having 50 million "friends" in this disease-ridden, vermin-infested online social networking ghetto will make us rich and famous. We can feel sorry for such witless turds, but we don't have to add them. We will not spam your page with flyers for shows that are happening on the other side of the planet. We will not use your page to exhort viewers to vote for us in stupid contests or worthless promotions. We will not clog your inbox with invitations to join useless groups or check out friend's profiles. We will not post 3 bulletins a day begging and pleading you to check out our new mp3s, blogs, pics or anything else. We don't need exposure. We don't want to know about your thinly veiled pay-to-play scams (rip off schemes like Emergenza and Concerts First). We're not interested in shady "artist developement services", (like A&R Select). We won't play your shitty battle of the bands. We won't play your stupid benefit. We won't pay a dime to be on your shitty compilation. We won't contribute free music to your crap movie (for "a free copy and great exposure"). We won't enter your ridiculous contest. We won't compete for a chance to play your horrible little festival. We won't send you free stuff for your zine or radio show, be it real or imaginary. All of our music - and everyone else's - is free now. If you can't figure out how to pirate mp3s, fear not; if you're smart enough to have a myspace profile you're smart enough to steal music. Just put your thinking cap on for a bit and we'll be seeing you on the high seas of music piracy in no time... AHOY!