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Jokes

Discussion in 'Saxon' started by saxonfan, Dec 6, 2002.

  1. Crusader

    Crusader Metal addict

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    Finally a joke without so much sick stuff in it :lol: :lol: :lol:
     
  2. Paxoman

    Paxoman Member

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    3 women were running away from the police and hid in a barn. As the police got closer, the blonde, the brunette and the redhead each jumped into a sack.

    When the police entered the barn, they went over to the sack with the brunette inside and she went "miaaaooowww", the policeman said to his colleagues, "its ok, its a cat".

    they went over to the sack with the redhead inside and she went "woof", the policeman said to his colleagues, "its ok, its a dog".

    they went over to the last sack with the blonde inside and she said "potatoes".
     
  3. Crusader

    Crusader Metal addict

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    :lol: "miaaaooowww" :lol:
     
  4. dragonmaiden

    dragonmaiden Lady of the Vale Forlorn

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    'Scuse me....some of us blondes aren't that dumb you know!! :bah:
     
  5. WILKS

    WILKS Member

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    PAXOMAN THAT IS ONE OF THE BEST I HAVE HEARD IN AGES. DRAGONMAIDEN WE ARE CERTAIN YOU HAVE BRAINS .YOU USE THIS SITE. IS BIFF BLONDE . I WAS NEVER SURE .:lol:
     
  6. jmillion

    jmillion Middle Manager

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    :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
     
  7. Twisted Tony

    Twisted Tony Old School Metalhead

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    Location:
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    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Dark in here...

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    A woman takes a lover during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9-year-old son comes home unexpectedly so she puts him in the closet and shuts the door.

    Her husband also comes home early, so she puts her lover in the closet with the little boy.

    The little boy says, "Dark in here."
    The man says, "Yes, it is."
    Boy: "I have a baseball."
    Man: "That's nice."
    Boy: "want to buy it?"
    Man: "No, thanks."
    Boy: "My dad's outside."
    Man: "OK, how much?"
    Boy: "25 dollars."
    Man: "Fine".

    In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are
    In the closet together.

    Boy: "Dark in here."
    Man: "Yes, it is."
    Boy: "I have a baseball mitt."
    Remembering the last time, he asks, "how much?"
    Boy: "75 dollars."
    Man: "Fine."

    A few days later, the boy's father says to the boy, "Grab your glove.
    Let's go outside and toss the baseball back and forth."
    The boy says, "I can't. I sold them."
    Father: "How much did you sell them for?"
    Boy: "100 dollars."

    The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that, 100 dollars is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."

    They go to church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

    The boy says, "Dark in here."

    The Priest says, "Don't start that shit again!"
     
  8. Paxoman

    Paxoman Member

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    :lol: :lol: :lol: Another good one tony!

    Dragonmaiden - Sorry! :D
     
  9. Paxoman

    Paxoman Member

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    A famous art collector is walking through the city when he
    notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway
    of a store and he does a double take.

    He knows that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable,
    so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat
    for two dollars.

    The store owner replies "I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for
    sale.

    The collector says "Please, I need a hungry cat around the
    house to catch mice. I'll pay you twenty dollars for that
    cat."

    And the owner says "Sold," and hands over the cat.

    The collector continues, "Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder
    if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat's used to it
    and it'll save me from having to get a dish."

    And the owner says, "Sorry buddy, but that's my lucky saucer.
    So far this week I've sold sixty-eight cats."
     
  10. Sammi951

    Sammi951 Member

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    :lol: Nice one Paxoman!! I liked the "potatoes" one as well...didn't know you had a sense of humour, darling!! :D :lol:
     
  11. Sammi951

    Sammi951 Member

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    I liked yours too Tony!! :D
     
  12. Crusader

    Crusader Metal addict

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    What dog do you get if you cross a bulldog with a shiou-tziou?
    A BULLSHIT :lol:
    I'm rather sure everyone in here heard that one. :D
     
  13. Sammi951

    Sammi951 Member

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    Two pieces of Black Tarmac go into this pub and go up to the bar. Landlord says "what you having lads?" Black Tarmac says "two pints of lager please mate...wasn't sure if we would get served, to be honest" Landlord says "yeah, no problem lads, you're always welcome in my pub" So they go in a few more times, Landlord always serves them, no problems...So one day they take in a mate of theirs - Red Tarmac. Same happens again, they get served no problem. Next day they take in another mate of theirs - Green Tarmac. Well, the Landlord takes one look at him and goes completely off his head mental "get him out of my pub, and don't come back!!" Black Tarmac says to the Landlord "whats the matter - you've always served us, no probs, you served Red Tarmac yesterday, no probs, why won't you serve Green Tarmac?"

    "I'm not having him in my pub, he's a fucking Cycle Path"!! Says the Landlord

    Geddit?? :D :lol:
     
  14. WILKS

    WILKS Member

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    A WHITE HORSE WALKS INTO A BAR.
    BARMAN:THATS FUNNY WE WHISKY NAMED AFTER YOU.
    WHITE HORSE: WHAT FRED:confused:
     
  15. Paxoman

    Paxoman Member

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    Sammi - Yeah I geddit (after about 5 minutes!) :lol: Very good luv!
     
  16. Crusader

    Crusader Metal addict

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    From the movie Full Metal Jacket:

    How do you stop three negroes raping a white woman?
    You throw them a basketball! :lol:
     
  17. WILKS

    WILKS Member

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    THANX SAMMI951 PEOPLE DONT OFTEN LIKE THAT ONE.SO HERES ANOTHER OF MY SHIT JOKES.
    WHY DID THE LION GET LOST?
    BECAUSE THE JUNGLE WAS MASSIVE!:lol:
     
  18. Crusader

    Crusader Metal addict

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    <-- :lol: Look at that big smilie!!! :lol:
     
  19. Nilion

    Nilion Member

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    its scary:eek:
     
  20. Sammi951

    Sammi951 Member

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    Here's one for ya!

    Have you heard about those new trainers especially designed for lesbians?!

    They are called "Dike"...They have an extra long tongue, and you can get them off with one finger!! :D ;)
     

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