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my mom is dead, should i feel bad about it?

Discussion in 'The Philosopher' started by monoxide_child, Nov 10, 2010.

  1. monoxide_child

    monoxide_child New Metal Member

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    i haven't lived with my mom in over a year, i haven't seen or spoken to her in over 3 months and last night i found out that she's been dead for 3 weeks
    last night, as i was coming home from the huge free thanksgiving food thing in fair park (dallas texas) i see my mom's best friend's daughter (who is my age) and this woman tells me that my mother is dead, and that she's been dead for an entire 3 weeks, she tells me that her and my brother have been talking on the phone every day since (i haven't talked to my brother since his now 2 year old kid was still in the womb) and she calls him for me on her cell, (my cell was stolen last thursday morning) and he tells me that all the funeral stuff is already over and done with and that his 2 year old boy is perfectly healthy and that our sister had told him that i was in prison for 25-to-life. i feel happy that mom's dead because she's been a pain in my ass for a very long time, should i feel sad about this even though i don't? am i a monster or can anyone sympathize with me?
     
  2. Maxim1110

    Maxim1110 Member

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    I'm having serious doubts whether to take this seriously...
     
  3. monoxide_child

    monoxide_child New Metal Member

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    okay maybe i wasn't detailed or articulate enough
    my mom was frustrating me and stressing me to the extent that i was relieved to hear that she had died
    i'd already stopped communicating with her
    most people would "respect" their parents just because they are parents
    but i'm a rational thinking adult and just because someone is physically capable of breeding doesn't automatically mean they're better than sterile/infertile people
    my mom was a pill-popper; she was pretty much asleep from the time i was 3 (when my younger brother was born) untill the time i was about 16 or 17
    the neighborhood kids raised me more than my mom did
    and i really can't feel any sadness at her death
     
  4. Kara-Shehr

    Kara-Shehr Member

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    No emotion should be compulsory.
     
  5. monoxide_child

    monoxide_child New Metal Member

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    thank you
     
  6. monoxide_child

    monoxide_child New Metal Member

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    i want serious discussion about death here
    i really want everyone's opinions about this
    am i really such a cruel monster for not feeling sad that my mom died???
    or do you feel that i am justified in my feeling of relief and happiness because of her death?
     
  7. TesticleMilkshake

    TesticleMilkshake pewpewlazrz

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    As a spiritual person and a student of religious studies, I think you are justified in feeling however you feel. There is no right or wrong emotion connected to lost or death, because individuals observe this matter in such vastly different ways based on their life experience, faith, socioeconomic class, culture, etc. Even neurochemistry, psychology and other, more definitive areas of science can become mixed it into how one reacts and copes with lost. Perhaps because you had a rough relationship with your mother, maybe she was already dead in your mind. Not speaking to or seeing her extended periods of the time could have compounded the fact. Or maybe, on a deeper psychological level, your mind may not be willing or ready to deal with the lost of your mother, maybe you're suppressing an emotional reaction until you have confirmation that she's gone? Or perhaps you fall out of what would be considered neurotypical range of human deductions, preventing you in responding to the situation in a more "normal" fashion. Maybe you have a personality disorder, maybe your a sociopath! :lol:

    Honestly, death is what you make of it. On a spiritual level, some people see it as a cessation of earthly existence, an end of consciousness and one simply becomes worm food. Others see it as a time for the soul to depart from its physical vessel, to travel to another realm or reenter our world as another being. It is what it is though.
     
  8. monoxide_child

    monoxide_child New Metal Member

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    ...
     
  9. SouthernAbyss

    SouthernAbyss Listener of Metal

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    Now, i'm not sure how you do things in AmericaI, but I believe you should turn this... hatred, so to speak, towards your family. That's honestly one of the most stuffed up things i've ever heard, finding out that the woman who bought you into this world died, and three weeks later you find out, wtf. As for your mom, i agree that you should make the decision whether you feel sad or happy, it's not up to any one else.
     
  10. TesticleMilkshake

    TesticleMilkshake pewpewlazrz

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    I'm going to play Devil's Advocate, here. I agree, hatred towards family is the worst. It's extremely consuming of the mind and self. However, what if you had a parent who was destructive and/or dangerous? Mental illness that they refuse to treat, abuse (physical, emotional, sexual), addiction, or just flat out, never being present? Is hatred justified then, even if it is only a reactionary emotion or in extreme circumstances?

    I have relative who was diagnosed bipolar and refused treatment. He beat on his wife in front of his children (and probably on his children too), stole legal documents and finances, drank excessively and disappeared for days on end. While we mourn the loss of what we thought was a generous and fun-loving, some of my family refuses to speak with him. For a while, his own son hated him.

    I also babysat for a young girl who was sexually abused by her biological father when she was a toddler. Now, as she's approaching puberty, she's dealing with serious psychological trauma. At 10 years old, she's attempted suicide several times, having problems with trust and socialization, experiencing paranoia and fear in her own home (to the point of checking locks on doors and windows to make sure child molesters will not break in at night) and has been on a cocktail of medications with harsh side-effects to try to manage her anxiety and depression. On top of this, she is terrified of men. Twice in the past year she has had be hospitalized for period extending a month. Her innocence and childhood was stolen from her, all because of some sick fuck. While making amends with PAST EVENTS (not people) and moving on emotionally is one thing, I give her every right (as of right now) to hate her father.

    On a side note, my bipolar relative may have also been sexually abused as a child.
     
  11. monoxide_child

    monoxide_child New Metal Member

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    all the people that knew she was dead, they all had my phone number, so i was really pissed off at the whole having to wait 3 whole weeks thing, my mom didn't like her other 2 kids anywhere near as much as she liked me and she'd been letting me hold a bunch of my stuff in her apartment, even though we weren't talking, so when i found out she'd been dead a whole 3 weeks (as opposed to 3 hours or maybe 3 days) i was pissed and was upset about loosing all my stuff that had been in her apartment
     
  12. monoxide_child

    monoxide_child New Metal Member

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    are you implying that sexual abuse causes and/or intensifies bi-polar-ism???
     
  13. TesticleMilkshake

    TesticleMilkshake pewpewlazrz

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    Lolwut??? No, although I know a few people that have had bipolar episodes triggered by sexual abuse.
     
  14. monoxide_child

    monoxide_child New Metal Member

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    did you read all the other orange text in post #12???
     
  15. TesticleMilkshake

    TesticleMilkshake pewpewlazrz

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    Yeah, I can kind of related to your situation with your mother. Psychological abuse is the worst, because it's difficult to prove and usually is the result of the abusing party either: a)having an treated personality disorder or mental illness, or b)having been abused themselves and knowing no other way to interact with people. Or a combination of both.
     
  16. monoxide_child

    monoxide_child New Metal Member

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    my mom had an untreated disorder she thought she had aspergers syndrome but she never got officially diagnosed with any mental condition
    she was a pill-popper, the pills she popped were downers, and she was pretty much asleep from the time i was 3 till i was about 15
    also she was a christian which became awkward when i realized that christianity was bullshit
     
  17. Dehumanizer12

    Dehumanizer12 Magnus Worm

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    Have you ever read Albert Camus' The Stranger?

    Sorry, I'm not kidding at all... this book really tells something about that subject and it has been very close to me, actually...

    We are all sometimes impelled to feel guilty for not acting along some kind of social norms...
    And some people can be very harsh when they cannot understand a life experience that is not common to them.
     
  18. monoxide_child

    monoxide_child New Metal Member

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    i don't want to be acting along social norms, i laughed when i found out my mom died, and it has been awkward to try to explain why when talking to people face-2-face

    partially (if not mostly) just because i live in "the buckle of the bible belt" where here, everyone just expects everyone else to be Christian

    i once actually listened to a multi-person convo where someone uddered the phrase "what religion are you?" and from the context, i understood that the speaker had just completely totally without thinking, assumed that everyone in earshot was christian and what he was actually asking was "what denomination of christianity are you?"

    also
    people have a very difficult time understanding several other life experiences that i've had

    people (here at least) have this weird desire to have faith in the criminal justice system, i've met so many people that have completed prison sentences for crimes that they didn't commit, and yet, the general public refuses to believe that it's happening, they think that if you've been to prison it must mean that you commited the crime you were accused of

    i have to interact with a lot of homophobic people even though a lot of my close personal friends are gay/lesbian/transgendered

    every day i see black people that somehow think that "slavery" happening somehow makes the black people alive today somehow better than the white people alive today

    everyone looks at me weird when i date a black girl
    and people call me a monster because i laughed really loud infront of a lot of people when i found out my mom was dead

    but i don't want to conform to social norms
    i don't wanna do what every one else is doing just cuz everyone else is doing it
     
  19. monoxide_child

    monoxide_child New Metal Member

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    I've read this and many other books very similar

    where the narrator feels completely different than what the reader would instinctively feel when presented with the same situation as what the narrator goes through

    it's very intriguing to read this type of book, and as for "The Stranger" specifically, it was helpful, not merely with my mom's death, but also just showing how different people will respond differently to the same situation

    it's psychological fiction books like these that make me love 1st person narrative
     
  20. Spiderchrist

    Spiderchrist The Unjesus

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    There's no right or wrong to feel. If this comes naturally, then you're right where you should be. It doesn't matter if the majority of people would think it's wrong, so never question your emotions or any actions based off of other peoples reactions (in moderation).
     

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