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that jesus....

Discussion in 'Novembers Doom' started by turnloosetheswans, May 13, 2004.

  1. turnloosetheswans

    turnloosetheswans metal weirdoD

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    so i bought a 4 pack of christian propaganda films[they say educational on the sight but i know better]...which all are pretty hilarious and seemingly star all the same people....and i recieved this email....i dunno...i just think this is completely amazing....



    May Newsletter
    Dear Friends:
    Greetings in the name of the Lord and I thank you for your continued interest and support in Christian Movies.
    [​IMG]Our next planned movie is called THE SECRETS OF JONATHAN SPERRY. We hope to begin filming this movie in late September. Gavin MacLeod is set to play the lead role of “Jonathan Sperry.” The movie takes place in the summer of 1971. It is about three 9th grade boys who meet with an elderly man, Jonathan Sperry (Gavin MacLeod), and how he motivates the boys to read the Bible and to follow Christ. We believe this film can be a very touching and inspirational story!! We plan to release the movie into theaters on a limited basis during the summer of 2005.
    But first, we need to raise the funds to make the movie. The budget is only $600,000 and we have 50% of it raised already. We are asking for interested investors who want to partake in a limited partnership and own part of this film to contact us. We have a link on line with a proposal that we will e-mail to all interested parties. Ownership points in this movie start at $6000/point. We believe this will not only be an investment for the LORD, but also an investment to make a return. To know more about this and if you are really interested, please e-mail Rich Christiano at rich@christianmovies.com or call him at 714-544-7224 and he will be happy to return your call and speak to you about this opportunity.

    We hope you will prayerfully consider your participation in this new project. We need your help as we work together to put forth Christ-centered movies for the Lord to use.


    In other news, on our web site this month we have 2 new movies to offer: THIN ICE and ON THE EDGE. These are good films and being offered for the first time for Home Video release. The copies we have are public performance copies that can also be shown in churches. Both are good films with solid messages. Check out www.ChristianMovies.com for more details.
    Finally, soon we will be launching a new look to the ChristianMovies.com web site. We will e-mail you when the new site is ready to go.

    Thanks again for your support of Christian Media and we pray you will consider helping us produce the new movie!!

    Sincerely in Christ,

    Rich Christiano
    www.ChristianMovies.com



    for the record....other rich christiano titles such as time changer and second glace are crazy amounts of funny... unless yer really xtian...then they are really profound and sensicle...
     
  2. Novembers Paul

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    $6000 a point? Holy shit.

    Anyway, I love Christian movies, and stories. Believe in God or not, the tales are amazing, and always interesting. Faith is always a grey subject, it's one of those things no one will know for sure, until your life ends. I use it a lot in my lyrics, as it's something I've stuggled with for years, and still do. I think it's more hope and doubt then anything.
     
  3. turnloosetheswans

    turnloosetheswans metal weirdoD

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    like most of these are not biblical stories...they are propanda films that more or less try to show you how horrible not bein christian is....ok...take as example the amazing david white vehicle second glance...its a take on its a wonderful life of sorts...a good christian young man finds himself lonely alot and on the outside looking in on alot of "killer times"[like parties and trips to the beach..cuz i guess the beach in this town has a strict no christian policy...like some beaches have with dogs]....so one day....the good xtian sez that his goodness and christianity hasnt seemingly been impacting anyone... and that he wishes[gasp] that he was never saved in the first place....so he goes to bed...he wakes up in a pink shirt with a backwards pink baseball cap[the outfit of the damned im guessing] and he has beer cans all next to his bed...he wakes up to his regulary clean xtian house bein a mess...so he is taking the garbage out and his francis confronts him and sez that he is worldly now...no longer saved and xtian....so as soon as he sez that some older than high school aged looking high school classmates who usually scoffed him show up to pick him up....they drink and drive and seemingly for some reason are mean to elderly ladies....and when he gets to school...now worldly...he see's hes with the girl who looks like shes old enuff to be his guidence consouler but is a classmate that he desires to date is now dating him and hes pretty stoaked about that until...yes...he sees the downside of not bein xtian[xtian=christian fer those who are wonderin..],his mom and dad get divorced and him mom turns into a terrible whore,there are no athletes for christ program at the school cuz he didnt start it[it seemingly is a public school too....think about that], all the christian friends he had before are afraid to show their faith at school cuz of fear of bein scrutinized...and a young man that he was talkin to about the bible while he was christian KILLED HIMSELF CUZ HE HAD NO WHERE TO TURN TOO...oh...and 2 girls were after him in what is by far the worst situation anyone has ever had in their life and that you obviously need christ to protect you from....and when hes gets himself into water too deep and is about to get into a fight....he runs from a party to a church...starts banging on the doors and yelling about bein saved again...hes converted back and his guardian angel shows up to instill fear of god and gives him a rather cold and frightning message about his natural urges and such....so he wakes up the next day....his mother no longer a whore and his family still together under the reasoning that he is christian and proving that sometimes it can be the childs fault some couples get divorced....goes back to school...tries to extend a hand to the "cool kids" to get them cool with christ...sees the kid that didnt kill himself cuz of his bein xtian all along and everything is roses....and it ends with our hero pumping his fist and exclaiming..."JESUS!!!!"

    anyone who wishes to borrow this or any of the other hilarious xtian titles i have on dvd...or i could look into making copies of em if anyone wants...just let me know....sorry fer the length of this...i had a chai this mornin and im all full of xtian fun typing
     
  4. Novembers Paul

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    This sounds pretty damn funny actually. A good night of drinking and propaganda. haha
     
  5. BalanceofPower

    BalanceofPower My god,it's full of stars

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    Hey man wanna burn me a copy of that it sounds hillarious, I'll even pay you like 10 bucks for shipping and the burn.
     
  6. turnloosetheswans

    turnloosetheswans metal weirdoD

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    i think ya can get it for like ten bucks off christian movies.com...but ill tell ya fellas what...if i can get copies of it made...ill put as much xtian propaganda films on a dvd and next time ya guys play...ill get em to ya there....i love to help the funny xtian scene...im funny xtian scene good...cuz yeah...theres alot of good ones...ill have to see if this stupid dvd burner im gonna get supposebly is compatible with my gunk or otherwise i have a pal who can make em...either or...ill get ya guys some xtian fun....like i got this 3 pack that has the pretender and the daylight zone....the pretender is about a fella who pretends hes christian so he can date a xtian girl....and boy...does he lay it on....and the daylight zone is about an athiest that doesnt believe in christ on the simple fact that he has never met him....both are funny...the pretender is beyond hilarious actually....sorry...im a blowhard about these movies...and if you have a christian channel on yer cable system...look at the scheduale for family theater...they run alot of hilarious movies on that...
     
  7. BalanceofPower

    BalanceofPower My god,it's full of stars

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    That's awesome bro, i live for stupid movies. There was a show called The Pretender that was pretty cool about this guy named Jared who grew up in this faciclty where he was genetically enginered to be some genius or something like that and he would pretend to be different people after he escaped so no one would find him. I miss that show.
     
  8. turnloosetheswans

    turnloosetheswans metal weirdoD

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    yeah the pretender was pretty ridiculous....i myself am a big manimal fan...where dr. johnathan chase inherited these powers where he could turn into a hawk or a horse or a panther and somehow that would help him fight crime...pretty much genius
     
  9. BalanceofPower

    BalanceofPower My god,it's full of stars

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    See they don't make quality shows and movies like that anymore it's all crap nowadays.
     
  10. turnloosetheswans

    turnloosetheswans metal weirdoD

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    yup....the ability to be a dork is really much more difficult with the current crop of tv....now i gotta watch leave it to beaver...that judy is a cold bitch i tell ya and man....beaver didnt deserve all that
     
  11. BalanceofPower

    BalanceofPower My god,it's full of stars

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    You should really check out a series called Bibleman about this black guy who becomes Bibleman to fight the heathens and criminals. Blockbuster had like all the shows on vhs in the used section and I am still kicking my own ass for not picking them up when I had the chance. The dude wears this purple and yellow fucking get up and he has like this bible belt or some shit like the bat belt. Im gonna check out Ebay and try to find those episodes.
     
  12. Dead_Lioness

    Dead_Lioness Godless

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    well said.
    its something i always tell religious people: "you cant prove to me that there is a god, and i cant prove that there isnt, pass me the peanuts"
     
  13. WhiteBeastofWotan

    WhiteBeastofWotan Apostitutes!

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    hah
    Personally, i believe in god, but i don't believe in an organized religion. Just be a good person with morals, eh?
     
  14. turnloosetheswans

    turnloosetheswans metal weirdoD

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    ahhh bibleman...starring Willie Aames from eight is enough and charles in charge...oh i very well know about bibleman...we actually were going to go see "Bibleman live!!!!" a live action sorta thing like ice capades.....and when we got to the place it was bein held at...we all chickened out....cuz we are exactly what they say....weak lil heathens...ill see if the pal i have who has a ton of bibleman stuff can run some off fer ya...
     
  15. turnloosetheswans

    turnloosetheswans metal weirdoD

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    www.christianmovies.com is having a 4.99 vhs blowout sale.... ya all should look into it...cuz never ashamed is on sale and i cant even begin to explain how amazing and completely hilarious that one is....ill keep my ear to the ground about all things xtian...
     
  16. NvmbrsDoom5

    NvmbrsDoom5 Member

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    Were you going to wear your Stryper shirt when you went to the Bibleman Live show? You probably could have blended in better had you done that.
     
  17. turnloosetheswans

    turnloosetheswans metal weirdoD

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    all xtian activities get the stryper or the crucifixion shirt....im respectful....like to zao....stryper shirt...but the reason i didnt go in was cuz of alot of lil kids and alot of huge mean non tollerant looking xtian fathers...and as much as i like to laugh...im a puss so i just watched reruns of get a life instead to laugh...


    boy do i love stryper
     
  18. NvmbrsDoom5

    NvmbrsDoom5 Member

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    Hey man, you're free, free to do what you want to....choose your own destiny.....LOL
     
  19. turnloosetheswans

    turnloosetheswans metal weirdoD

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    ya know...one night while drinkin...[cuz i love drinkin in a stryper sorta way sometimes...] i noticed something about that song and i had to alter it while i was singing along....

    your free..free free...free to do what you want to....withintheconfidesofthebible.....
     
  20. NvmbrsDoom5

    NvmbrsDoom5 Member

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    Good point, actually. Never thought about that.
     

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