I had a U-M dream this morning. I attended a black metal concert with CIG and zerostatic, which was set up such that a single aisle in the middle led directly to the stage, and on the left and right were two massive mattresses, each maybe 100 feet long by 60 feet wide. The orders from the organizers was that everyone had to sit down scissor-style, so CIG and I were snuggled up next to each other at the very back of the right mattress, while zerostatic was apparently a friend of one of the bands and was working as a kind of volunteer beer-taxi to the crowd. The first band started and they were some kind of shitty blackened-thrash thing, the acoustics were awful and the lights were almost like floodlights, and at some point zerostatic was replaced by some other guy who was a flaming homosexual (still in corpsepaint (not that that's contradictory)) and he'd constantly flirt with us and say things like "Ooo yeah this song is DAZZLING" and shit. At the very end he grabbed my hands and gave me the "Open your mouth and close your eyes for a tasty surprise" line, claimed as part of an audience-participation thing for being such a good sport. CIG was peer-pressuring me into doing it so I pretended to close my eyes though I just kept them really squinty just in case someone tried feeding me semen. As the cheer-man went back to the stage the mood and sound suddenly changed, with this sort of creeping Alice Cooper-esque orchestration coming in and shades of blue in the lighting. A fat black woman wearing only a thin transparent body-shawl was now behind the mike, singing "I am the black lagooooooon" a few times as the sort of chorus/hook but there was a longer melody I forgot. Suddenly the crowd is performing a mass exodus and I'm thinking "But it's actually getting good", when suddenly I realize that she's sporting a half-erect three inch chub from under one of her fat rolls. iirc the rest of the band on stage was now pantsless as well. That's when we all leave for the lobby which was in this kind of William Blake-esque shopping mall, dark royal blues and shiny fantastical planets and stars and shit decorating all over, the only aesthetically pleasing part of the entire dream. zerostatic was apologetic for the show but CIG was like "Don't be bro, we are METAL BROS and we SUPPORT EACH OTHER" and they hug it out and if I had stuck around any longer they might have started fucking. I head for the upstairs and suddenly the decor changes from the aforementioned into pure Californian suburban interior, beige and carpet spackle and whatnot everywhere, and found myself joined by family. The staircase does this thing where the landing is cut off by a second staircase in a kind of surreal way such that the only way to continue forward is to either crawl under the first staircase or to hold onto the railing, risking falling to death. Before I could make up my mind I hear someone asking "So why the fuck is she called the Black Lagoon anyways?" and when the low-hanging "Cuz she's the size of a lake" pops into my head, Hillary Clinton, in her exact voice, suddenly materializes and says "More like the Black NIGoon am I right?", everyone starts laughing, and I woke up shortly after. I also had a dream a few hours before that one, where the husband of a former acquaintance offered for me to fuck his wife through a gloryhole located in a castle wall of Unreal Tournament's CTF-LavaGiant. I declined on the grounds that it would be disrespectful to her, but awoke sweaty with an incredibly intense erection; the fact that I successfully resisted the urge to masturbate probably forced the homosexuality of the above dream.