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The Joke Thread

Discussion in 'Into Eternity' started by MetalJoe1977, Apr 2, 2005.

  1. MetalJoe1977

    MetalJoe1977 The Bastard Son Of God

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    Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde. Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.

    She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

    Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!"

    Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.

    The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.

    She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

    The redhead then screams, "tornado!!"

    Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.

    By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.

    She also says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

    The blonde shouts, "fire!!"
     
  2. MetalJoe1977

    MetalJoe1977 The Bastard Son Of God

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    you know people, you CAN post jokes here. bitches.
     
  3. autumnsphere

    autumnsphere Dreamer

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    How Smart is Your Right Foot?

    This is so funny that it will boggle your mind. And
    you will keep trying at least 50 more times to see

    if you can outsmart your foot, but you can't.

    1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot

    off the floor and make clockwise circles.

    2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the

    air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction. o_O o_O o_O
    I told you!! And there's nothing you can do about it!

    :OMG:
     
  4. autumnsphere

    autumnsphere Dreamer

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  5. autumnsphere

    autumnsphere Dreamer

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  6. MetalJoe1977

    MetalJoe1977 The Bastard Son Of God

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    I've tried that a few months ago when I was on Ebaumsworld.com
     
  7. FirePixie

    FirePixie Almost The Girl Next Door

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    Three guys walk into a bar. Ouch.

    Hahaha, that's all I got.
     
  8. jakesands5

    jakesands5 satans onion

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    kinda an obscure joke.
    ok so this lady goes through the most painfull pregnancy this one hospital has ever seen. theres blood every where the baby almost doesnt make itout of the mom, but finally after severall hours its over and the mom is lying in her room with the doctor, the baby is off in... some other room. anyway the doctortakes a very somber tone and says "well misses smith i.. uh dont really know how to say this, but we cant stop the bleeding, theres no way around it, your gonna die." the mom doesnt even flinch, she holds in the pain and just asks to see her baby, just once to hold it in her arms. so the doctor calls for the nurse to bring in the baby, couple minutes pass and in walks the nurse with just the cutest little baby. right as the nurse is about to hand the baby to the mom it slips and falls on the floor with a thwap. th mom gasps and begins to teer(tear?..cry?) up as the nurse bends over to pick up the baby, stops, and punts it across the room, dives across and starts punching it in the head. she proceeds to spin the baby around by the legs wrestling style and throws it out the window. in complete shock and horror covered in tears the mom screams "how could you do that, to my baby?". the nurse smiles and replies "april fools, it was already dead."
     
  9. Marlies

    Marlies veteran headbanger \m/

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    HAHAHAHAA
    oh my..... that was a really mean one :yow:
     
  10. 1nf1d3l

    1nf1d3l dude with the avi.

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    ... .that was a sick joke.. and really stupid..
     
  11. solarfall_

    solarfall_ Member

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    Definitely a dumb joke..wow. I don't have any good ones, but that foot thing got me.
     
  12. jakesands5

    jakesands5 satans onion

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    ok, a joke my friend made up...

    q: what did the jack rabbit say to the koala?

    a: no, you kaliptus.
     
  13. Ketshy

    Ketshy Member

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    Q: What do you call a mexican caribou?

    A: A caribiner!
     
  14. jakesands5

    jakesands5 satans onion

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    so this little girl runs up to her dad one day and she asks "Daddy, why did you name me rose?"
    he kinda laughs and says "well hunny, when you were born a rose pedal fell on your head and your mother and i thought itd be cute to name you rose."
    satisfied with that answer she runs off to another room to play.
    the second daughter then runs up to her dad and asks "daddy, why did you name me violet?"
    he kinda laughs and says "well dear, when you were born a violet pedal fell on your head and your mother and i thought itd be cute to name you violet"
    satisfied with that answer she runs off to another room to play.
    then the third and final daughter stumbles up to the father and asks "rehrehhhrehhrheerh be rerd?"
    the dad gets angry and pushes her away and says "shut the fuck up cinderblock."
     
  15. DarkShire

    DarkShire Want some candy?

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    A boy asks his father one day, "Dad, whats the difference between potentially and realistically?"
    "Well son..." the father replies, "Let me show you the difference."
    The father and son walk up to the boys mother and the father asks the mother, "Honey... in all honesty, would you sleep with George Clooney for a million dollars?"
    "Hmmm, yes. Yes I would." The mother answers.
    The father and son then go to the boys sister and the father asks the sister, "Sweetie... in all honesty, would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?"
    "Hell yeah I would!" she emphatically replied.
    The father and son then go to the boys older brother and the father asks, "Hey pal... in all honesty, would you sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars?"
    The elder son hesitates for a moment and then answers, "Ehhh, why not."

    The father then turns to his youngest son and says, "This is the difference between potentially and realistically... potentially we are sitting on 3 million dollars, but realistically we're just living with 2 whores and a faggot."
     
  16. MetalJoe1977

    MetalJoe1977 The Bastard Son Of God

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  17. 1nf1d3l

    1nf1d3l dude with the avi.

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    :tickled: :tickled: :tickled: :tickled:
     

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