I still very much struggle with the fact that I have the ability to do anything that isn't work and or home related things. And I'm doing my best to drive that thought out of my head... Its very hard for me and its so very confusing to feel freedom. I'm not used to being able to see friends without a partner involved. I'm not used to going out and doing things on my own. I'm not familiar with how to be a person for myself. I've been controlled my whole life and having this sense of autonomy is frightening.
i understand this post more than anyone else here i don't date the women i want to date i date the women who want to date me and a lot of these women see "door-mat-slave-boy" written on my forehead the longest relationship that I've ever been in was the girl who gave me a black-eye as punishment for doing something that pissed her off while i was in front her friends she wasn't trying to hurt my face, she was trying to bruise my face she held my chin with one hand and used her other hand to bruise my face and then walking around in front of her friends with the black-eye was my punishment for embarrassing her in-front of those specific friends those specific people seeing my black-eye was supposed to let them know that she had control over me and she did have control over me when she held my chin with one hand to bruise my face with her other hand i just sat there and let her do it and this girl was the longest relationship that i've ever had
