Yes, all of that. The people I've been with have all gone through much in their childhoods and adulthoods. Benjamin as well. I don't know the extent of it for him but I know he was neglected, seriously, and is still being neglected. He started developing an serious mental illness about eleven years ago when he was 13 and his family did not think it was important enough to get him professional help or any help. He quit school then and they let him. And he has been deteriorating ever since, except for the fact that no higher education hasn't hurt him one bit. And he's done this himself. He is smarter and more well educated than anyone i've ever met. He should have been placed in a school for people like him who need to develop at their own rapid pace and be minimally guided. He could be doing anything he wanted right now if his parents did this for him. One of many things they should have given him, but didn't. He was neglected in other ways as well which has helped make him who he is today, very afraid of people, terrified to enter the world, very depressed, self destructive which spills out onto others in the form of abuse. FUCK his damn parents !!!! I've been on and off medication for manic depression for years now. Right now I'm off. Medication is most definitely a double edged sword, I've gone through enough years of it to know. But I'm not severe like many bipolar people, I'm very lucky. I can function like this off meds fairly well, just very depressed. I've never had a real outright manic episode, it's just low level cycling, basically. I know I'm not to blame for my families behavior and abuse. It took me many years to just be able to place the blame where it belongs, directly on them. That's when I actually started to become more able to cope with life, when I decided that and never looked back from it. I just dumped it off my back. They fucked me up, period. It IS their fault, it has made my adult life extremely difficult to live in practical and social ways. Most of what I learned about living came from one boyfriend who I was with for quite a while; he taught me everything I know now about surviving and dealing with people. I wish Ben could place the blame where it belongs, he tortures himself with self-loathing and he can't move beyond it. I really hurts to know he does this. Frodnat, unburying memories is good, yes, but it still doesn't change anything much. One of the reasons I don't believe in psychotherapy as a treatment, for myself, that is. But I'm a resistant mo-fo too. I don't like feeling like I'm being manipulated. I take the drugs as well when I want to, not when anyone else thinks I should. It's a control issue for me and a damn important one. I HAVE to have it because of my past. I accept that in myself, as unfounded as it may be in dealing with the outside world, nevertheless, it's the way it's gonna be....... But then again your system of mental health treatment in Europe is most likely much better than ours. I might feel differently if it wasn't for being put through hell and abuse of their own in our system here. It was nothing but damaging to me and shut me off to ever seeking help from anyone but my primary physician for meds, again. That's it. Actually when it comes to men though that I'm with, I'm submissive, because when i'm this close with someone, I just let go of control completely, and such relief it is to just let someone else control for me. Or neither of us trying to control. : ) I feel safe and at peace then. And it makes everything else great as well. Alwin, what are you dealing with right now? If you feel like saying, if not cool. I know there are probably more than a couple of us here with similar issues.