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Discussion in 'Dark Tranquillity' started by Zack, Apr 2, 2006.

  1. Rincewind

    Rincewind Find tranquillity in dark

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    Where poetry meets madness
    Great song 6SF

    -The sands of naught six feet below
    From where we came to there we go
    In deeper graves the crosses rot
    While the new dead arrives in woe
    ...this part is amazing to me...keep writing, you're really good at it
     
  2. Zack

    Zack charting my way to top :)

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    This is a review I did of the latest release from Amorphis :) Please, tear this apart, I want to refine my reviewing skills



    [​IMG]
    Amorphis- Eclipse
    Nuclear Blast- 2006

    Veterans Amorphis are at it again, with their remarkable follow up to Far From the Sun: Eclipse. Plagued by many unfortunate events that eventually led to the departure of their original front man Pasi Koskinen, they have trudged on, completing the difficult task of finding a new vocalist. Tomi Joutsen, the newest addition to Amorphis brings incredible charisma to the record. Personally I think he fits the job perfectly, and old Amorphis fans will not be disappointed by his performance.


    Having not heard any bootlegs of Tomi, I did not know what to expect when I thrust the CD into the stereo. I was greeted by unique keyboard tones, dazzling guitar melodies, and a perfect combination of baritone growls and clean vocals. It was a pleasant experience, including certain moments of complete bliss as the group plunged into epic choruses and stepped back to allow for an occasional atmospheric solo. Sometimes, however, I wish the band would stray from the generic formula of verse to chorus, just to mix things up.


    With influences ranging from death metal to progressive rock, this album is sure to make many happy. Highlights include Perkele, The Smoke and Brother Moon, although all tracks hold a specific meaning and mood. If you like to hear pretty melodies, impressive vocals, an occasional growl or two and the icing of keyboards, this is the album for you.

    8.5/10
     
  3. RampageSword

    RampageSword AWARE! BEWARE! WAR!

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    Well, I read what you said about my work, I've read oyur work and I must say, compared to 6SF or Undo, I kind of feel like a low-caliber pen. Anyways, in the future, I'll try and avoid those long words...

    Here's another one I wrote while I was watching "The Good, The Bad and The Ugly". it kind of influenced the imagery....


    The Duel

    Two men that face each other’s fears
    Two barrels that wait for the clash

    A duel in simple terms and rising sun
    One that will never care to understand
    One that’s aware of the ignorance

    A land too small for both to share
    We all know this western fairytale

    The truth is now at stake
    The air is dense with misprize
    They know how it will end
    Two men are juggling death

    The first is filled with faith
    Swayed by the master’s love
    Strong of a million allies

    The second doesn’t know guilt
    Led by his own conceptions
    Strong of a million brothers

    Eyes bleeding away the hate
    Hands rushing toward the belt
    Lifting high the iron cloak of death

    The wingless vespas now in flight
    Across the paces
    Dividing existence

    Now two men are falling
    Bleeding in disbelief
    Their corpses will ever be
    Buried by the winds​
     
  4. marduk1507

    marduk1507 Member

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    Ok, this is something I wrote last year, actually the one before last thing Ive written:

    Dissolving Destiny

    The images of footsteps in the sand
    Milliontimes envisaged
    Like a long ago expired antibiotic
    On its way from poison to venom
    A bodybag of connotations
    A skeleton-ground of images
    Haunting our minds only in moments
    Of utter frustration
    Otherwise making us smile
    The know-it-all smiles
    Of those who cannot be surprised

    All the strings that have tied us
    To the past and future for so long
    Are vanishing
    Never seen yet felt
    But now gradually disappearing
    Every moment becomes a landscape
    Comes out of nowhere and to nowhere returns
    Eleatic arrows in the apeiron brew
    Slowly we approach the twilight of thought
    And the myths grow stronger everyday
    Never having left us alone


    And this is the last one, I wrote it yesterday. I usually read T.S. in April, so...

    The Last Moment

    April is the cruelest month
    The tubes are fed
    With filth of the slowly deceased
    Dead season
    It runs out
    Of all the cavities
    Through the pores it sweats
    Away
    Leaving
    All clean and ready
    The corpse that was planted
    In the garden of my brain
    Has begun to sprout
    It will bloom this year
    The fates will stink again
    My eyes will see again
    My senses will perceive again
    My mind will be focused again
    My blood will reach all the meandres
    Of everywhere
    Again

    I shall set my lands in order
     
  5. RampageSword

    RampageSword AWARE! BEWARE! WAR!

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    Sweet poetry, mardy. I mean it. This stuff is excellent, the flow is good and the imagery, oh the imagery *holds head back and drools à la Homer Simpson*
     
  6. marduk1507

    marduk1507 Member

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  7. 6 Stringed Fingers

    6 Stringed Fingers EditablePoly 1

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    Marduk: Dissolving Destiny is great, it describes well the different and contradictory views the same person can have towards destiny.
     
  8. Magrathean

    Magrathean worldbuilder

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    Rampy: Your writing skills never cease to impress me.

    A land too small for both to share
    We all know this western fairytale

    I love this part. So true.

    Two men are juggling death
    What a beautiful way to put it. :)

    The first is filled with faith
    Swayed by the master’s love
    Strong of a million allies
    The second doesn’t know guilt
    Led by his own conceptions
    Strong of a million brothers

    I love that description of the two men. The parallelism, the metaphors which aren't really that metaphoric...

    The end is just a tad clichéd, imo (both of them dying instead of only one), but it's alright because the rest of it is really good. Not my favorite poem by you by any chance, but still good.

    I like your new sig, btw.
     
  9. Magrathean

    Magrathean worldbuilder

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    Mardy: I'm happy to see another great writer on the forum. :)

    On Dissolving destiny:

    The title is beautiful beyond words. I can't really say anything because it's one of the best titles i have ever seen.

    The images of footsteps in the sand
    Milliontimes envisaged

    I love that beginning. The imagery is awesome, and i love the kind of melancholically post-apocalyptic atmosphere you gave it.

    After that i kind of got lost (i especially didn't understand the part about poison and venom), but the second stanza is much clearer to me. Even though i wot not what 'apeiron' means, the use of words is brilliant.

    And the myths grow stronger everyday
    Never having left us alone

    That is beautiful, and it's a good ending, i think, leaving us thinking about it. Again, social critique, but good one. And great use of words.

    On The last moment:

    April is the cruelest month
    Well, :\

    The tubes are fed
    With filth of the slowly deceased
    Dead season

    I like this. Great imagery, once more (it makes me think of rotting corpses of old people in an asylum, go figure...). I always liked the description "the slowly deceased" for dying people in hospitals with tubes all over. And april does seem like a dead month (more dead than others, anyway) in this light.

    I'm not quite fond of the mono-verbal verses in this case, and the final verse is disorienting (but pretty, in a way) to me.

    The corpse that was planted
    In the garden of my brain
    Has begun to sprout
    It will bloom this year
    The fates will stink again
    My eyes will see again
    My senses will perceive again
    My mind will be focused again

    That begins to sound like a horrible doom and ends up sounding like something good, like you're growing more powerful (or awakening again, or something). Interesting concept, and i like the structure (one concept/idea/image per verse).
     
  10. marduk1507

    marduk1507 Member

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    Thanks heaps Undo and 6, if you want, check out the creativity and art threads that are buried somewhere on page 985959652. Id posted some stuff there before you came to this forum. Hope you like that, too.

    I am very pleased you like it so much, because that was actually exactly the feeling I wanted to evoke, like, man, what a great title. Its connection to the content of the poem is actually minor, its more of an attention grabber (and a good one it seems)

    Again, bingo. Exactly the atmosphere I wanted you to feel. Like nothing matters anymore and yet it does somehow.

    The image of antibiotic on its way from poison to venom is an attempt (maybe a tad confusing) to describe the idea of the introducing image of footsteps in the sand (a cliched representation of destiny, as it is confirmed in the second line) - that its helped a lot in the past (yet still being an ANTIbiotic, thus poison), but now its beginning to dissolve, to fade, to rot actually (so its becoming venomous).

    Im sure 6 knows who the Eleats were and what apeiron is. Loosing the idea of destiny, past, future, the glorification of the present moment are like those arrows of Zeno, succession of still moments - and the apeiron (brew) comes from Anaximader. It means "the indefinite" (ask Sirenoulitta :)) and Anaximander saw it as the arche, the basic principle of everything (all comes from it and to it returns). The whole idea was that despite the semi-buddhist approach of our civilisation to the present, the result is not a quiet contemplation, but boredom and frustration - alienation (if you want ;)).

    Thanks.

    Well, thats the first line from Wasteland, from T.S.Eliot, I said I always read him in April. ;)

    Yeah, you are a very good reader, honest, mate. Again you hit the nail totally. Really, I was thinking if I should make it one line or split it - I went for the latter, simply because it gives the lines a new perspective (its different when you say "with filth of the slowly deceased" than "with filth of the slowly deceased dead season") - namely, that April is really cruel iin its ambiguity - it should purify you of all the winter crap in your body, as well as in your mind, but it should also give you new energy, but where from? So its like with plants, getting energy from the deceased, hehe. Thats why I love Necrophagist so much. :lol:

    The corpse is another quote from T.S., so dont worry. :) Its only a continuation of the necrophagy from the previous lines.

    Well, yes and no, thats the whole point. Of course, there is a reason for the whole thing being called The Last Moment, cause the whole optimism is kinda weird in contrast with all that preceding manure, dont you think? :)
     
  11. Magrathean

    Magrathean worldbuilder

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    http://www.ultimatemetal.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=61&order=desc&page=985959652 < Nope, no creativity or art threads there. ;)

    Nah, i might look for them and into them later. I'm currently trying to read a site with 58407386784807 links to Mars stuff.

    *feels like he actually got the message* :)

    Hmm, thanks for the explanation. It's clearer now, but i suppose i'll have to think about it for another while to really get the whole meaning and everything surrounding it.

    I didn't really understand shit, but that's just due to my unfamiliarity with so many philosophers and philosophies.

    Would it have helped if i had read some T. S. before reading your poems?

    Aye, i do think. Like i said, interesting concept. Original. :)
     
  12. marduk1507

    marduk1507 Member

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    Definitely. Do it anyway, hes excellent.
     
  13. RampageSword

    RampageSword AWARE! BEWARE! WAR!

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    Well I don't know if I'm overflowing this thread but I really like to get some criticism on my work and I don't know many writers around my place. Anyways, I wanted to post these last two poems/songs and after that, I'll give you guys a break.

    Wicked Plague
    One is to fall before the eyes – Death cast within in warlike colors
    Returning to the soil in dripping blood - Yet your soul forbids to turn away
    This grisly portrait on black landscapes – Defiles the mind undyingly
    The last barricade breaks – Suffer the wicked plague

    Let the light be dead
    And let darkness ensnare
    The poised substance of everlost

    Madness brought in swift anger
    Reason struck by lightning fears
    Forever lost in delusion’s Hall
    Greater calling of a twisted eye

    Stable chaos of everlasting dark
    Facing a glass in empty gaze
    Never will the illusion end
    Nor will the sun die before time

    No power left to guide the mind
    No difference between stone and sky
    Joining hands in a distraught prayer
    To touch the tongue of Ignis Fatuus

    A blackened song to flee the storm
    Disharmonic waves resonate
    Within the cage of memory
    Hands in the forged shackles of lies

    In the labyrinth of distorsions
    No treasure can be found
    No other jewel than death itself

    Only time…

    Chronos
    Restage the partition of ideas
    Erase what’s done and draw anew
    The chronicles to be written again
    Hand in the sum of one and a few
    Abstract thoughts to scale your soul

    Walk back into the footsteps
    With no one to ring the bell of the past
    The archives have been set aflame
    Neo-reader scrolling through facts
    Modern age of what’s been done before

    Our faces lost within their gaze
    A century that echoes through the millenias
    We are cursed to question once more
    The ideas and the concepts that never change

    Tomorrow be interlaced within
    The bleeding weaves of Yesterday
    And Now is but a spark and a flame
    That never lits, that never dies

    Wandering through our minds
    In mere attempts to perceive
    The essence of our own creation

    We live at the pace of Time
    Pretending it’s been here before us
    Yet we all know so well
    The hours will never come to pass
    Our grotesque is forever watched
    By the shadow of immortality
     
  14. King Chaos

    King Chaos Pomeo Osoponeor

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    That's some devilishly mint stuff my friend. What is Ignis Fatuus?
     
  15. RampageSword

    RampageSword AWARE! BEWARE! WAR!

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    It's "foolish fire" or will-o'-the-wisp if your prefer.
     
  16. marduk1507

    marduk1507 Member

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    Wicked Plague is very good as a whole (although the title is a bit weird, I mean, how can a plague be wicked, plague is the fucking pestilence, its the very scythe of Death), and from Chronos I like the two above, you should build on them. The rest needs that kind of forging which is performed in those two stanzas.
     
  17. RampageSword

    RampageSword AWARE! BEWARE! WAR!

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    Thanks, and I agree with you, I rarely write something down that I feel is good from start to end. The problem is, I have diffculty working on a poem once it's finished. I rarely take the time to rewrite or improve it and I guess I should....

    Oh, and a plague can be wicked if I want it to be. ;)
     
  18. marduk1507

    marduk1507 Member

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    Its the same with me, but then I write the thing for a long time. I dont touch it after its done.

    Ok, sure thing.
     
  19. RampageSword

    RampageSword AWARE! BEWARE! WAR!

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    Oh, for a more serious answer to wicked plague, I just thought that the plague, is, you know, mostly a physical disease that can be cured and sinced I was referring to psychological madness in my poem, I figured I'd call it wicked plague. However I do realize now it sounds a bit...obnoxious.
     
  20. marduk1507

    marduk1507 Member

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    The Wrong Way

    The blood is everywhere
    Silent in the eye of the noise
    It makes and unmakes
    The very enemy to reason
    It cries out
    In slow motion it bursts
    From the lips of my heart
    Like spit in crimson foam
    Trickles from my nose
    With every spasm
    With every tear a scream
    There is no denying the blood
    The obvious child
    Of the desire so transparent
    It hardly exists
     

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