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Discussion in 'Dark Tranquillity' started by Zack, Apr 2, 2006.

  1. RampageSword

    RampageSword AWARE! BEWARE! WAR!

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    If you write blasphemous instead of blaphemous, it surely will.
     
  2. 6 Stringed Fingers

    6 Stringed Fingers EditablePoly 1

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    And do a research on different types of rhymes and meters. It helps.
     
  3. Zack

    Zack charting my way to top :)

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    I'll just tell my teacher it's ok and then she'll be like "o, it's ok"
     
  4. Zack

    Zack charting my way to top :)

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    ^^Ah. Thank you, this is a big project so I'll need all the help I can get :)
     
  5. Rincewind

    Rincewind Find tranquillity in dark

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    Zack,I see a talent...somewhere :D
     
  6. King Chaos

    King Chaos Pomeo Osoponeor

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    This is actually a poem based on a song written for my band Snow... The lyrics to the actual song (not these lyrics) are not particularly poetic and the story isn't conveyed in them, although it is in the music, so I wrote this extra piece because I felt touched by the themes of the event... and because I was bored and in no mood to scribe something totally original. It's corny, and I don't think it's too good. The things in it that you don't like, I don't like either, but I'm sharing it anyway.



    Escape, Retreat, Relief: It's all the same to him.
    Ratteling with the pound of the wind, plodding along clumsily to a song in his heart.
    Lonesome, Purgatory, Relief: It's all the same to him.
    Honesty a promise to his own innoscence, his shadow reflects no dark corner of his own.
    Shadows stained with the sins of others don't touch him.
    Breakfast, Lunch, Tea: It's all the same to him.
    Fish.
    As he sits by the stream.
    Rod rises, roars and releases line.
    Weight and bait falls, floats far.
    Flinches from fixed state and thunder rumbles as fish is whipped wickedly from water.
    But he smiles for his victory, vicious as it seems, verrifying instinctive innoscence.
    Light air burdens the surface, scarring the stream and turning the grass in the meadows.
    Home suddenly seems so strange, distant and falling, futher the idea that he'll see front door again.
    Fear is satisfied in him as the sight of the sky strikes sudden flashes of the past, as sudden strikes of lightening fry trees not so distant and the past flashes faster, further, unfading snd unfailingly within his fear satisfying mind.
    Black builds, bouldering clouds billowing bustles of bleached ice, bombardment baring power from the horrison to here, and hurtfully, quickly, hurrying further from storms face.
    Lonesome man loses hope of retriet, escape and relief.
    Eye to eye with the final storm, lonesome has a new less innoscent meaning. Rattles crack and snap as wind traps man flat between air and earth.
    Heart song drowns deep and dorsile in defeaning dark drums which echo from the cosmos.
    Trys to stand totally stable turning sadly to stare toward snow tearing straight through sight.
    Eyes pressed back.
    This is that day it finally came
    today maybe
    any other day is as good as.
    He welcomes foreign rage where rage will rampantly ware on until death replaces fear and rot flesh.
    Fight lifes end with sorrow crushing chapters, beginning a new, worse for he is dying alone.
    Leaving alone.
    Lost a long affirmating life after living a loving existence.
    The crushing forces of the blizzard leave bones frozen in flesh and blood,bodies in moving gestures.
    But gestures weren't enough.
    Surprised faces covered in frost, frozen in time.
    Ashamed expressions immortalised by poisened ice and acid snow.



    Here are the lyrics to the actual song, which should be recorded in the following month :)...



    Bare and alone he looks to the sky.
    Hope fades in the calm and brings our demise.
    The flow of the stream is covered in scars.
    White falls in the distance with thunder a far.

    Gentle being
    Hunts by the stream
    no heartbeat but his own
    for miles it seems.
    But in the distance
    black clouds form
    A violent agenda
    Once the seam is torn

    It's cold again the tide is low... Poisened ice and acid snow
    Living in winter is all he knows... The force of the blizzard.

    Bare and alone he looks to the sky.

    Hope fades with the calm and brings our demise.

    Life ends sorrow
    begins a new
    chapter worse for
    he is
    dying alone
    leaving alone
    fight the crushing
    forces of the blizzard​
     
  7. La Rocque

    La Rocque I am that I am

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    Was it good for You?
    Yes, it was not as good as it was the last time but probably better than its going to be the time after this -
     
  8. incendo

    incendo Member

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    and this is what I wrote after playing Fallout game, about 5 years ago. I was very impressed by the story of the game. It is simple and has a weird grammer, but I like it that way.


    No longer they live on this deserted earth
    No lives seen for ages here
    Just dying nature, waiting for the end...
    Waiting desperately the end of this torture.

    There are voices rising over the cities
    Sick children, fallen on their knees
    Praying for help, all are hopeless
    Dying plants and dusty leaves, given them
    The best they can
    Is completing the doomsday scenes.
     
  9. RampageSword

    RampageSword AWARE! BEWARE! WAR!

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    Here lies the result of my latest spontaneous inspiration.



    Within the very image of horror
    A near-deaf pulse remains unsoiled
    Root of higher meaning, the oldest ring
    For horror was born, as all else

    When darkness meets the sun
    A merging that was never meant
    Yet bound to come, in light and dark
    Now in awe before total destruction

    Worlds of chaos now await the saints
    The Earth rendered in hate and flames
    Duality of souls, the eye now sees
    All is inverted and we are drowning
    So slowly they move, the black waters

    A sea of undone characters
    An ocean of denied desires
    Swallowing us from within
    While wrath fills the hole

    This voyage to the depths
    Heals the soul that withered
    We were not meant to be
    So blindly limited
    By ourselves
     
  10. Rincewind

    Rincewind Find tranquillity in dark

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    Some of my stuff I dug out tonight (along with the thread :p)

    Remains of our story

    This story is over … only tears and blood speak of it in echoes still.
    Will you soon send our love songs to another?
    Will you soon whisper the same promises to other ears?
    About a love that never ends … only changes faces.

    Will you pack our memories in a small box and put it somewhere you won't see it?
    Or you'll just throw them out of your life and close the doors like you did after I walked out that rainy night?

    When you wake up in the middle of the night and realize that it's not me anymore by your side … Will you feel downcast or catch my essence, which was so long on that pillow?
    Or will you just hug that new body beside you and feel same as you did with me there?

    This story is over … only things and streets wear our traces still.
    Will you soon walk over our traces with new feet making rhythm with yours?
    Will you soon cover our places with autumn leaves of new love?
    Every leaf for one erased trace … until the ground is all covered … never to reveal its old surface again.

    Will you hide our pictures to some dusty corner until they fade away?
    Or will you just rip and burn them on a fire of a last goodbye?

    When you walk near our favorite cafe, will you feel the old days calling for you?
    Will you stop for a second and search for somebody?
    Or will it be just one more cafe in a row…nothing special anymore?

    This story is over … only I stay alone in the dark, still waiting for the final cut.
    Will I ever … will I ever forget all you meant?
    Will I ever be like you?

    This story never ends … in the night, when you're with her and I'm alone, I feel every memory turning into a scream …
    Will you ever hear it again?
    Or will I slowly die on our remains?


    Power of words

    Your words open unknown spaces in me … spaces buried deep inside
    Your words open my mind completely … surrendered to you
    One word is enough for my happiness … a word that you say
    Your voice is engraved in my mind … echoing all the time, making me shiver every time I think about you…
    Words were never as strong as now, when you say them … there was never so much deep meaning in them … meaning which tears my heart apart every time little more…
    Until all there is left is…your words
     
  11. Magrathean

    Magrathean worldbuilder

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    Remains of our story: That has to be one of the best things i've ever read. Such strong imagery, such mind-shattering questions, such painful words... I can totally get into the story and know what she is feeling, and the metaphors are really beautiful. Literature needs more stuff like that. :)

    Power of words: Teh sweetest thing. ;) Really beautiful as well, although Remains is my favorite of the two. Also very beautiful metaphors and very strong feelings. Actually, maybe you should have posted them the other way around (first Power), since it looks like the girl in Remains used to feel everything in Power for the guy. :)
     
  12. Siren

    Siren Active Member

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    I agree on the strong imagery of Remains... Very emotional.

    But i think the order is fine like that. Obviously the girl was broken-hearted, and then she met a mexican little fellow who says words. :devil:
     
  13. Rincewind

    Rincewind Find tranquillity in dark

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    @UC: You crazy thing ;)

    @Siren: Thanks. :)
    :lol: Actually, both songs were written when a mexican little fellow was already using his words. ;)
     
  14. guillaume_of_bodom

    guillaume_of_bodom Member....that's all

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    song lyrics


    I feel my life slowly going
    The life as ended a long time ago
    I’m the only one the survivor
    The man who for a time win against time
    But will lost against death
    I’m feeling it now…My life slowly dying


    It’s cold
    Behind me lay mistake
    And in front human fate
    Colder(whisper)
    We had our chance
    We blew it and I’m the only one alive that know it
    As long as I stand there will be a chance to bring human to life
    As long as I stand…How many time will I stand?


    I feel so alone in this world and I’m alone in my suffering
    Alone to live this
    The human mistake and we wrote the end
    The human is me, guess who feel the pain
    I am gonna close the circle for the eternity
    Or maybe will we have another chance
    Only one person know that
    Sorry it’s not me
    It’s colder yeah I’m gonna die


    I’ve seen the reaper coming near me
    It gave me his hand my hour has come
    I took it and follow him
    I am dead…the world….human….it’s over
     
  15. Magrathean

    Magrathean worldbuilder

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    Ok, the last part (with the [grim] reaper and all) is a crappy COB ripoff, but the rest is much better than what you posted on the other thread. Keep getting better, man! I can even see faint traces of DT influence somewhere in the middle of this one. :)
     
  16. guillaume_of_bodom

    guillaume_of_bodom Member....that's all

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    ^was writing while listenig to at loss for word...and for the cob ripoff..I just like the reaper:):p
    edit: o and tnx:p
    edit 2:somebody wanna wright the beat:oops: :kickass:
     
  17. guillaume_of_bodom

    guillaume_of_bodom Member....that's all

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    seriously I find the beat for the forum song really good..so here I ask the writter to right a slow melodic-death metal beat cause I have no fucking Idea...
    plz:p
    o and can I ask an medium-easy beat for me and my friend to play it
     
  18. King Chaos

    King Chaos Pomeo Osoponeor

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    I suggest you download GP5, or find someone to send you and explain to you how to use reason. It's all very easy Guillame... And worth learning. Nothing quite like being able to understand music. if you're interested in my work, click the banner in my sig.
     
  19. guillaume_of_bodom

    guillaume_of_bodom Member....that's all

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    ^yeah I own GP5...the problem is that I can't write thing in gp5...I suck at this:p

    Edit: I cliked your sig...good work
     

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