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Discussion in 'Dark Tranquillity' started by Zack, Apr 2, 2006.
If you write blasphemous instead of blaphemous, it surely will.
And do a research on different types of rhymes and meters. It helps.
I'll just tell my teacher it's ok and then she'll be like "o, it's ok"
^^Ah. Thank you, this is a big project so I'll need all the help I can get
Zack,I see a talent...somewhere
This is actually a poem based on a song written for my band Snow... The lyrics to the actual song (not these lyrics) are not particularly poetic and the story isn't conveyed in them, although it is in the music, so I wrote this extra piece because I felt touched by the themes of the event... and because I was bored and in no mood to scribe something totally original. It's corny, and I don't think it's too good. The things in it that you don't like, I don't like either, but I'm sharing it anyway.
Escape, Retreat, Relief: It's all the same to him.
Ratteling with the pound of the wind, plodding along clumsily to a song in his heart.
Lonesome, Purgatory, Relief: It's all the same to him.
Honesty a promise to his own innoscence, his shadow reflects no dark corner of his own.
Shadows stained with the sins of others don't touch him.
Breakfast, Lunch, Tea: It's all the same to him.
As he sits by the stream.
Rod rises, roars and releases line.
Weight and bait falls, floats far.
Flinches from fixed state and thunder rumbles as fish is whipped wickedly from water.
But he smiles for his victory, vicious as it seems, verrifying instinctive innoscence.
Light air burdens the surface, scarring the stream and turning the grass in the meadows.
Home suddenly seems so strange, distant and falling, futher the idea that he'll see front door again.
Fear is satisfied in him as the sight of the sky strikes sudden flashes of the past, as sudden strikes of lightening fry trees not so distant and the past flashes faster, further, unfading snd unfailingly within his fear satisfying mind.
Black builds, bouldering clouds billowing bustles of bleached ice, bombardment baring power from the horrison to here, and hurtfully, quickly, hurrying further from storms face.
Lonesome man loses hope of retriet, escape and relief.
Eye to eye with the final storm, lonesome has a new less innoscent meaning. Rattles crack and snap as wind traps man flat between air and earth.
Heart song drowns deep and dorsile in defeaning dark drums which echo from the cosmos.
Trys to stand totally stable turning sadly to stare toward snow tearing straight through sight.
Eyes pressed back.
This is that day it finally came
any other day is as good as.
He welcomes foreign rage where rage will rampantly ware on until death replaces fear and rot flesh.
Fight lifes end with sorrow crushing chapters, beginning a new, worse for he is dying alone.
Lost a long affirmating life after living a loving existence.
The crushing forces of the blizzard leave bones frozen in flesh and blood,bodies in moving gestures.
But gestures weren't enough.
Surprised faces covered in frost, frozen in time.
Ashamed expressions immortalised by poisened ice and acid snow.
Here are the lyrics to the actual song, which should be recorded in the following month ...
Bare and alone he looks to the sky.
Hope fades in the calm and brings our demise.
The flow of the stream is covered in scars.
White falls in the distance with thunder a far.
Hunts by the stream
no heartbeat but his own
for miles it seems.
But in the distance
black clouds form
A violent agenda
Once the seam is torn
It's cold again the tide is low... Poisened ice and acid snow
Living in winter is all he knows... The force of the blizzard.
Bare and alone he looks to the sky.
Hope fades with the calm and brings our demise.
Life ends sorrow
begins a new
chapter worse for
fight the crushing
forces of the blizzard
Was it good for You?
Yes, it was not as good as it was the last time but probably better than its going to be the time after this -
and this is what I wrote after playing Fallout game, about 5 years ago. I was very impressed by the story of the game. It is simple and has a weird grammer, but I like it that way.
No longer they live on this deserted earth
No lives seen for ages here
Just dying nature, waiting for the end...
Waiting desperately the end of this torture.
There are voices rising over the cities
Sick children, fallen on their knees
Praying for help, all are hopeless
Dying plants and dusty leaves, given them
The best they can
Is completing the doomsday scenes.
Here lies the result of my latest spontaneous inspiration.
Within the very image of horror
A near-deaf pulse remains unsoiled
Root of higher meaning, the oldest ring
For horror was born, as all else
When darkness meets the sun
A merging that was never meant
Yet bound to come, in light and dark
Now in awe before total destruction
Worlds of chaos now await the saints
The Earth rendered in hate and flames
Duality of souls, the eye now sees
All is inverted and we are drowning
So slowly they move, the black waters
A sea of undone characters
An ocean of denied desires
Swallowing us from within
While wrath fills the hole
This voyage to the depths
Heals the soul that withered
We were not meant to be
So blindly limited
Some of my stuff I dug out tonight (along with the thread )
Remains of our story
This story is over … only tears and blood speak of it in echoes still.
Will you soon send our love songs to another?
Will you soon whisper the same promises to other ears?
About a love that never ends … only changes faces.
Will you pack our memories in a small box and put it somewhere you won't see it?
Or you'll just throw them out of your life and close the doors like you did after I walked out that rainy night?
When you wake up in the middle of the night and realize that it's not me anymore by your side … Will you feel downcast or catch my essence, which was so long on that pillow?
Or will you just hug that new body beside you and feel same as you did with me there?
This story is over … only things and streets wear our traces still.
Will you soon walk over our traces with new feet making rhythm with yours?
Will you soon cover our places with autumn leaves of new love?
Every leaf for one erased trace … until the ground is all covered … never to reveal its old surface again.
Will you hide our pictures to some dusty corner until they fade away?
Or will you just rip and burn them on a fire of a last goodbye?
When you walk near our favorite cafe, will you feel the old days calling for you?
Will you stop for a second and search for somebody?
Or will it be just one more cafe in a row…nothing special anymore?
This story is over … only I stay alone in the dark, still waiting for the final cut.
Will I ever … will I ever forget all you meant?
Will I ever be like you?
This story never ends … in the night, when you're with her and I'm alone, I feel every memory turning into a scream …
Will you ever hear it again?
Or will I slowly die on our remains?
Power of words
Your words open unknown spaces in me … spaces buried deep inside
Your words open my mind completely … surrendered to you
One word is enough for my happiness … a word that you say
Your voice is engraved in my mind … echoing all the time, making me shiver every time I think about you…
Words were never as strong as now, when you say them … there was never so much deep meaning in them … meaning which tears my heart apart every time little more…
Until all there is left is…your words
Remains of our story: That has to be one of the best things i've ever read. Such strong imagery, such mind-shattering questions, such painful words... I can totally get into the story and know what she is feeling, and the metaphors are really beautiful. Literature needs more stuff like that.
Power of words: Teh sweetest thing. Really beautiful as well, although Remains is my favorite of the two. Also very beautiful metaphors and very strong feelings. Actually, maybe you should have posted them the other way around (first Power), since it looks like the girl in Remains used to feel everything in Power for the guy.
I agree on the strong imagery of Remains... Very emotional.
But i think the order is fine like that. Obviously the girl was broken-hearted, and then she met a mexican little fellow who says words.
@UC: You crazy thing
Actually, both songs were written when a mexican little fellow was already using his words.
I feel my life slowly going
The life as ended a long time ago
I’m the only one the survivor
The man who for a time win against time
But will lost against death
I’m feeling it now…My life slowly dying
Behind me lay mistake
And in front human fate
We had our chance
We blew it and I’m the only one alive that know it
As long as I stand there will be a chance to bring human to life
As long as I stand…How many time will I stand?
I feel so alone in this world and I’m alone in my suffering
Alone to live this
The human mistake and we wrote the end
The human is me, guess who feel the pain
I am gonna close the circle for the eternity
Or maybe will we have another chance
Only one person know that
Sorry it’s not me
It’s colder yeah I’m gonna die
I’ve seen the reaper coming near me
It gave me his hand my hour has come
I took it and follow him
I am dead…the world….human….it’s over
Ok, the last part (with the [grim] reaper and all) is a crappy COB ripoff, but the rest is much better than what you posted on the other thread. Keep getting better, man! I can even see faint traces of DT influence somewhere in the middle of this one.
^was writing while listenig to at loss for word...and for the cob ripoff..I just like the reaper
edit: o and tnx
edit 2:somebody wanna wright the beat
seriously I find the beat for the forum song really good..so here I ask the writter to right a slow melodic-death metal beat cause I have no fucking Idea...
o and can I ask an medium-easy beat for me and my friend to play it
I suggest you download GP5, or find someone to send you and explain to you how to use reason. It's all very easy Guillame... And worth learning. Nothing quite like being able to understand music. if you're interested in my work, click the banner in my sig.
^yeah I own GP5...the problem is that I can't write thing in gp5...I suck at this
Edit: I cliked your sig...good work