DEATHMATCH: Opeth vs. Oprah

[HoserHellspawn]

Alright, so there's an abandoned talk show set, trapped in which are Oprah Winfrey and, say... (hmm... it should probably be one-on-one...) okay, we'll say Mikael Akerfeldt. They must fight to the death in order to escape, and both are unarmed. Who would win this deathmatch, and why? Support your answer as best possible.

(next week's Deathmatch: Homer Simpson vs. Eric Cartman)

 

[Misanthrope]

Mikael could win with a nasty growl....Just like the dude that plays George Constansa's father ( Jason Alexander...In Seinfeld ) Did on death match

 

[RETIREDTrapped]

Although the dreaded 'Moustache of Opeth' will all but destroy Oprah's self esteem, Oprah is not so easily finished...

Oprah will call Elton John and ask him to help, and Elton will play 'Candle in the wind', which will break Mikael's heart, and render him unable to deliver his deadly Growl of Death.

Will Oprah finish the job by eating mikael alive in one bite?? (non-sexual).

We'll have to wait for 'EPISODE II' in 'The Oprah Saga'.

ha ha

 

[_Transparent_]

yeah, Mikael will growl her ears off, and burn them inside out.

 

[RETIREDTrapped]

EPISODE II - 'The Oprah saga'

After being rendered unable to growl by Elton John, Mikael whips out his guitar and belts out Serenity Painted Death, in-turn burning Oprah Winfrey's ears off and melting her plastic nose...

Meanwhile, Elton John is plotting Mikaels destruction by wearing his brightest and gayest costume and trying to blind him, but this backfires, Mikael regains his composure and finishes Elton John with the death growl to end all death growls.

Elton falls (in slow motion...!) to the ground, while mouthing the word 'NOOOOOOOOO00000ooooooooo'.

Mikael then plans to finish of Winfrey, but while he was busy finishing off Elton Jogn, she had called up 'The artist formerly known as...', who was standing right behind Mikael, waiting for him to turn around, ready to end Opeth forever...






Stay tuned for EPISODE III - 'The Oprah Saga'

 

[Russell]

Please, now. The tension is killing me (for those of you who think I'm lying, I'm really that sad!)

 

[Lina]

Don't forget about Dr. Phil! I bet Dr. Phil could kick some ass. It's so funny -- he even has all the lingo down. Can't you just hear Dr. Phil saying "Roody-poo" (sp?)???

 

[E V I L]

Awesome!

Mikael and Oprah can battle each other out- the battle of the bulges and the wide ass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


muhahahahahahahhahaa

I just like using that word a lot (ass). I have an unhealthy preoccupation with booty, big booty, small booty, round booty muscular booty etc etc etc......

 

[HoserHellspawn]

Heheh, no, no, this is a one-on-one.

Being that Oprah is someone you'd expect not to be too aquainted to the death growl, Mikael could use this element of surprise to scare her in a key moment of struggle and knock her on her ASS. Yes, that's right, her big fat BEHIND. Also known as a booty, or perhaps derriere to the french. Anyways, Oprah, probably getting very hungry trapped in this abandoned studio without food, would probably be convinced (like the rest of us) that Mike's moustache is, in fact, a dead caterpillar and would probably make a ploy for it to keep her strength up. Would she go as far as to want to kill and eat Mike, tho?

Hmmm... Oprah's hunger coupled with Mike's fascination with death could spell misfortune for our hero.

 

[RETIREDTrapped]

EPISODE III - "The Oprah Saga"

...With elton john dead, Oprah must now rely on 'The artist formerly known as' and his legion of tight-latex-legging-wearing fans...

Mikael is lost for words when he sees the 12+ (ha ha) fans of Prince... Almost anable to move, he remembers that he still has his biggest weapon left over, OPETH!!

With the band (conveniently!) set-up on the background stage, mikael takes his place with them, and begins to play 'the moor'... The 1:48 intro confuses Prince and his legion's of fans, and the first acoustic segment relaxes him momentarily, leaving them all vulnerable. When the distortion begins, Prince melts, just like the witch from 'wizard of oz' (...I'm meeeelllttttiiinnnngggggg....!!).

His legions of fans start to dig opeth's music, and they begin headbanging. Their latex pants turns to jeans... Their short-cropped hair begins to grow... Their balls-drop, and their voices deepen (yes, even the females...!)...

After seeing their folley with following prince, and being naiive to the music of opeth, they turn on oprah, ripping her limb from limb... They Kill her, Revive her, Kill her again, Revive her once more, then Opeth finish of the job by playing 'White cluster'.

Opeth then invites the users of the opeth forum on 'ultimate-metal.com' to attend a 4 hour gig at Oprah Winfrey's expense.

Fin.





Or is it???

 

[Opet]

I just like using that word a lot (ass). I have an unhealthy preoccupation with booty, big booty, small booty, round booty muscular booty etc etc etc.....

Ass man, eh?

 

[_Transparent_]

I just like using that word a lot (ass). I have an unhealthy preoccupation with booty, big booty, small booty, round booty muscular booty etc etc etc.....


i hate the word ass! it is really annoying! use the word arse!!! that word is better! its fucking ARSE! not ass! what is it with Americans and ass!!! say arse please!!


anyway, why do you say ass? i think i askes this ages ago but no one answered, or if they did, i forget.

 

[Lina]

Why do you say flat, not apartment?
Why do you say snogging, not kissing?
Why do you say loo, not bathroom?

Hehe, just lingo differences, man!

 

[S4R]

I hate to say it, but Mikael would stand no chance against Oprah. As Lina said, Oprah would use Dr. Phil as a weapon. Dr. Phil would pop out of Oprah's pocket and get Mikael to start talking about his childhood, and the battle would then be over.