Do you wipe your arse standing up or sitting down?

The More You Know!!!

  • Total voters
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Reign in Acai

Reign in Acai

Of Elephant and Man
Jun 25, 2003
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Favela of My Dismay
As a wee lad I used to stand upright and perform a 90 degree oblique twist to dig out the brown nuggets of my nalgeta blanca. After several years of captivity, I was trained to pucker my perforated polyp which exudes miry charisma by lifting one arse cheek off the porcelain throne and wiping in a counter-clockwise pattern to the point of immaculacy.

Streaks on the china, never mattered before, ohhh yaaa. When you drop kick your jacket to the floor...

Any how, do you pooper scoop yourself standing, sitting, or squatting?


Bonus Question:

In public places, when nobody is around, do you rip ass out loud, or do you perform an inner pinch and go silent?
 
Reign in Acai said:
Any how, do you pooper scoop yourself standing, sitting, or squatting?
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If it's a juicy shit with possible drippings, I squat. If it's a hard, dry manly shit, I stand.


Bonus Question:

In public places, when nobody is around, do you rip ass out loud, or do you perform an inner pinch and go silent?
Click to expand...

Depends who I'm with. With the dudes or the wife, I make it as loud as possible. With everyone else, I suck it back in or go stealth mode.
 
I have never in my life heard of people wiping standing up. Doesn't that make it more difficult?

If no one is around I will totally rip ass.
 
Wtf? Who wipes standing up? :lol:

Shit's liable to fall off and hide somewhere on the floor until you step on it.
 
I just feel that I can't wipe thoroughly enough with a toilet seat obstructing my wiping motions. Standing up = the way.

EDIT: If I know I've had a messy shit, the *first* wipe will be done while leaning off to the side, to insure that nothing will hit the floor when I stand up. Then the rest from there is done standing up, and all wiping is done standing up for normal shits. Same when I take a bath instead of a shower. When it's time to wash my butt and crotchular regions, I stand up :p
 
MajestikMøøse;6826620 said:
what, do you wipe WHILE you're taking the shit or something?

WTF is wrong with you?
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Yeah, I feel it gets the best results. Also, I eat it.

Of course I don't fucking wipe while I'm shitting, I wait until I'm done.
 
Sitting, except sometimes for one last final wipe after I've already stood. For the squat toilets here though, I usually stand instead of squat while wiping.

Another question is: Do you wipe back to front, front to back, or some other way? Front to back for me, away from my balls.
 
Guthrum said:
Wtf? Who wipes standing up? :lol:

Shit's liable to fall off and hide somewhere on the floor until you step on it.
Click to expand...

Yes, yes it is. My brother wipes standing up and many unnameable things have happened because of it.

Most recent: My mother found an actual turd stuck to the radiator in our downstairs guest bathroom (the nice bathroom meant for guest's that he likes to rip in because he's clogged his toilet :erk:). Yes, an actual piece of turd stuck on the radiator; I'm assuming after being flung by the toilet paper during a rapid semi, half-assed-excuse for a wipe.

I wipe while sitting down. And I wipe twice at that, perhaps three times. And then I do a check to make sure it all flushed. I am a proper cleanly woman. I also try to shit before showering because it's one of the most tragic things in the world when after you've just gotten all showered up your bowels decide to have a surprise eruption not at the regular hour.

Edit: And all women must wipe front to back lest they be risking UTI's and yeast infections and other such lovely things.
 
I do not understand the whole standing thing. Like I said, I have never heard of such a thing and the thought never even crossed my mind. How did you all begin this practice? Did you one day just decide "well, I better stand up for this..."?
 
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