Sunday morning, 5 o'fuckingclock am... i wake up prepared for a quest with some friends of mine and our dear final product to the land of pretentious, sock and sandle wearing, loud mouthed english fannies...England.. Funnily enough.
I go make a tankard of coffee and considered taking a wank (an idea later binned
). I looked out the window.. Alas, a blizzard the likes of which ye have never seen! The car was buried to the top of the wheels and the snow was cunting it right down.
Fearing for my quest, i drop an SMS to Derek (Final Prouct) and ask the situation in glasgow. it turend out, glasgow wasn't quite so cunted but busses were still pretty shite. I then furthermore got an SMS telling me another bus had skidded into the bus station post thing. The quest looked grim!
My bus showes up and we nget 20 miles out of the city before we turn back due to said blizzard. We then take anoter route travelling 70 miles at 30mph.
I arrive in time and 2 mins later, derek does too.
We roll to the train station with derek looking like a blind, homeless spastic with his hood up and sunglasses on in -3. We meet up with my personal friend and ex band member Brendon where we share a burger king and then get the train.
The train, 1 and a half hours is spent mainly with laughter and mirth concerning bird flu, S.A.R.S, arabs and other assorted racial jest. A brief scare to the journey was when the train was stopped for 10 mins to announce the food car was open. Another dampner is when i went for a piss, covered my hands in soap and realisised the tap didn't work.... That fcuked things up a bit...
Into newcastle, we go to O'neils restaurant and we all get fed up nicely though for the money, didn't get nearly enough food....
We find our place of residence this backpackers inn. At £16 a night i was expecting at least one raping from a german named Hans... but t our surprise, the place smelled rape free and somehow wasn't dirty at all! Shock fucking horror!
Then ensues a 10hour spree of drinking where in a football pub, NEwcastle united got fucked by Manchester utd 2-0 and england got humped in rugby... neither were good conversation starters with the locals as i found out....
We met up with my bulgarian, norwegian, english, indian, vietnamese misc bro and again contined drinking.
I then received word my good friend Jenny from london had arrived (If you know your geogrpahy, you'll understand the significance of her journey!), and we went to pizza hut, ordered pizza with as many animals as possible and read women gossip mags!
We hit the rock bar for the Biomechanical gig and while hitting beers quite heavily and fannying about in only the way he and i could, the band came on leaving my friend jenny and i at the back on the seats fannying around and bantering with some locals with me pointing out that Geordies are the only worthwhile english people! (besides Jenny of course, that avoided me getting a punch from her! haha). During a particularly heavy double kickdrum section, we witnessed a bottle of magners pish... i mean cider explode covering deek's jacket in the pish that was cotnained within the bottle. After the gig, we wandered back to the backpacker's inn with a hilarious 70's BlaXploitation imrov carried out by brendon and derek!
In the hostel place, we wander to the TV room and discover family guy just starting! Shazzam!
Wee all go up to the room t crash and learn that there is this creepy as shit dude in the room. Figuring "Fuck it" we went to bed.
We woke uo the enxt morning amid derek's orgasmic "I LOVE THIS BED!" shouts and such.
We, after 2 hours, got to the train station and the journey home was a sombre affair with nothing really mentionable.
Pics are coming soon!
I go make a tankard of coffee and considered taking a wank (an idea later binned
). I looked out the window.. Alas, a blizzard the likes of which ye have never seen! The car was buried to the top of the wheels and the snow was cunting it right down.Fearing for my quest, i drop an SMS to Derek (Final Prouct) and ask the situation in glasgow. it turend out, glasgow wasn't quite so cunted but busses were still pretty shite. I then furthermore got an SMS telling me another bus had skidded into the bus station post thing. The quest looked grim!
My bus showes up and we nget 20 miles out of the city before we turn back due to said blizzard. We then take anoter route travelling 70 miles at 30mph.
I arrive in time and 2 mins later, derek does too.
We roll to the train station with derek looking like a blind, homeless spastic with his hood up and sunglasses on in -3. We meet up with my personal friend and ex band member Brendon where we share a burger king and then get the train.
The train, 1 and a half hours is spent mainly with laughter and mirth concerning bird flu, S.A.R.S, arabs and other assorted racial jest. A brief scare to the journey was when the train was stopped for 10 mins to announce the food car was open. Another dampner is when i went for a piss, covered my hands in soap and realisised the tap didn't work.... That fcuked things up a bit...
Into newcastle, we go to O'neils restaurant and we all get fed up nicely though for the money, didn't get nearly enough food....
We find our place of residence this backpackers inn. At £16 a night i was expecting at least one raping from a german named Hans... but t our surprise, the place smelled rape free and somehow wasn't dirty at all! Shock fucking horror!
Then ensues a 10hour spree of drinking where in a football pub, NEwcastle united got fucked by Manchester utd 2-0 and england got humped in rugby... neither were good conversation starters with the locals as i found out....
We met up with my bulgarian, norwegian, english, indian, vietnamese misc bro and again contined drinking.
I then received word my good friend Jenny from london had arrived (If you know your geogrpahy, you'll understand the significance of her journey!), and we went to pizza hut, ordered pizza with as many animals as possible and read women gossip mags!
We hit the rock bar for the Biomechanical gig and while hitting beers quite heavily and fannying about in only the way he and i could, the band came on leaving my friend jenny and i at the back on the seats fannying around and bantering with some locals with me pointing out that Geordies are the only worthwhile english people! (besides Jenny of course, that avoided me getting a punch from her! haha). During a particularly heavy double kickdrum section, we witnessed a bottle of magners pish... i mean cider explode covering deek's jacket in the pish that was cotnained within the bottle. After the gig, we wandered back to the backpacker's inn with a hilarious 70's BlaXploitation imrov carried out by brendon and derek!
In the hostel place, we wander to the TV room and discover family guy just starting! Shazzam!
Wee all go up to the room t crash and learn that there is this creepy as shit dude in the room. Figuring "Fuck it" we went to bed.
We woke uo the enxt morning amid derek's orgasmic "I LOVE THIS BED!" shouts and such.
We, after 2 hours, got to the train station and the journey home was a sombre affair with nothing really mentionable.
Pics are coming soon!
