Taken from Perpetual Motion:
I. Thou shalt not put cheesy spoken word narrative ANYWHERE in your recording unless you have hired Vincent Fucking Price. II. Thou shalt suffer an eternity in hellfire for employing a single-note broken rhythm accented by snare drum as the intro or verse of your song, especially if the keyboard pad notes shift underneath. III. Thou shalt not use samples and keyboard to approximate a 12-string or electric solo guitar. Ever. IV. Two words: NO EGYPT!!!!!!! V. Thou shalt not clone DT, Helloween, or Queensryche ever again. VI. Thou shalt not trade pointless noodling phrygian mode solos with the keyboard player over a long, plodding rhythm that includes alternating scale fall-down and modulates up and down when the solos swap out. VII. Thou shalt not use the word "Unfurl" just because it is the only "metal" sounding one that rhymes with "World". VIII. For the Love of God. Please. No more whammy pedal harmonic divebombs! IX. Thou shalt no longer employ any happy sounding chorus melodies over double-bass, which bring to mind Swashbuckling Pirates, Soaring Eagles on High, Frolicking Elves, Galant Knights, or Sword-Weilding Warriors on Steeds. X. Thou shalt be rendered asunder by the 4-tusked, 9-spined Warthogs from Hell for allowing a vocalist to use any whispery, breathy, falsetto-tinged LaBrie-isms in any Prog or Power Metal song ever again.
I. Thou shalt not put cheesy spoken word narrative ANYWHERE in your recording unless you have hired Vincent Fucking Price. II. Thou shalt suffer an eternity in hellfire for employing a single-note broken rhythm accented by snare drum as the intro or verse of your song, especially if the keyboard pad notes shift underneath. III. Thou shalt not use samples and keyboard to approximate a 12-string or electric solo guitar. Ever. IV. Two words: NO EGYPT!!!!!!! V. Thou shalt not clone DT, Helloween, or Queensryche ever again. VI. Thou shalt not trade pointless noodling phrygian mode solos with the keyboard player over a long, plodding rhythm that includes alternating scale fall-down and modulates up and down when the solos swap out. VII. Thou shalt not use the word "Unfurl" just because it is the only "metal" sounding one that rhymes with "World". VIII. For the Love of God. Please. No more whammy pedal harmonic divebombs! IX. Thou shalt no longer employ any happy sounding chorus melodies over double-bass, which bring to mind Swashbuckling Pirates, Soaring Eagles on High, Frolicking Elves, Galant Knights, or Sword-Weilding Warriors on Steeds. X. Thou shalt be rendered asunder by the 4-tusked, 9-spined Warthogs from Hell for allowing a vocalist to use any whispery, breathy, falsetto-tinged LaBrie-isms in any Prog or Power Metal song ever again.
