The default mood of the human mind? (A long post about me)

[Mago]

Sorry to hear that man, my sis also has to deal with depression and stuff, it's really a load of shit.
short version: I'd say you have to find something do to that makes you happy, be it sports, digging deeper into music, a job, hobby whatever.
From what I understood it seems to have no idea of what to do in the long run, and finding something to work on should be helpfull of getting rid of the "worthless" feeling.
Its great to hear that you took the step to seek for help somehow, it's a huge thing that it comes from yourself imo. So nothing weak at all here

 

[Boerboel666]

Hi there sorry to hear you are not feeling well . I think you have had some good advice already . I have had some close personal experience with anxiety and depression problems through a very close friend of mine . A couple of years ago I received a very distressed phone call from a life long friend . He had moved abroad and over time developed severe anxiety issues which I promise you were a lot worse than you are describing at this point . To cut to the chase I got on a plane that day and brought him home the same day . Over the next year I was the only person he saw except for a few therapists , he was diagnosed with depression and a rare anxiety disorder called body dysmorphic disorder . I can't begin to explain how all consuming this was for him from the moment he woke to last thing at night . Unfortunately he refused medication for about 2 years and things progressively went down hill including multiple overdose attempts . It was not until he started to take some form of medication (fluoxetine) that he started to turn the corner . This combined with a daily routine as others have advised made a huge difference to his depression and anxiety . Unfortunately for him BDD is a life long disorder which is complexly woven into other anxiety issues and something he still deals with daily . I would strongly suggest a visit to your Doctor for a chat about how you are feeling , they may not suggest any meds , but it wont hurt to get a professional opinion . Don't sit about and ruminate as this does def not help ! There are lot's of options out there you just need to go ask so you can nip this thing in the bud . Good luck with whatever you decide .

 

[Harry Hughes]

As Morgan said, lift weights, SERIOUSLY.
Research body building as much as possible.
The endorphin rush just feels absolutely incredible.
The ONLY negative is that you have to spend more on food, and that's it.
But if all you ate was shit in the first place (which is what a lot of depressed people do, they tend to not really go to the trouble of making/eating proper food because they lack the motivation), you'll possibly save money anyway by actually buying good food that doesn't have the price jacked up because it's processed to hell and fuck.
I also don't really buy alcohol anymore, so I can afford working out supplements like protein, creatine etc.

Your physical health, to an extent goes hand in hand with mental health.
Take care of your physical health and your mood will be heightened, and because of looking better, you'll gain confidence and motivation.

Fuck binging on alcohol, eating dirty food constantly and sitting on your ass.
I used to do that, and it's a waste of money (buying that much alcohol) and makes you feel like complete trash.

I'm not saying this will make your mental problems disappear entirely because I'm a long time sufferer of mental illness myself, but I know that it helps massively to stop it from getting you down as often and helps you to function better on a daily basis.

 

[drew_drummer]

You sound very similar to me Erkan. For me.... if I'm not doing something musical, I become a dark person. Which is why I'm always doing something musical.

Is music the same for you, or does it not do quite the same thing?

 

[Chryst Krispies]

fuck man, i wish i could pull off having a whole house full of instruments all to myself, and with no need for full-time employment

as far as i see it, you = have it made!

!!! agreed.


But seriously.
You needa see a doc, bud. Just do it as soon as you can.

 

[Erkan]

Thanks for all the replies everyone.

Today I made myself some pretty good food and then I was out all day, hooking up with a few friends one by one. I've talked to all of them about this and they all listened very well and a couple of them could relate to it. It made me feel much less alone and I also realized once again - I'm not alone. I'm not alone. Now I just have to make my fucking brain understand that since it keeps telling me I'm alone with all this loneliness bullshit feelings.

Yeah dudes, I have already asked for an appointment with a curator so I'm waiting on that. I am getting professional help. If need be, I'll take it to a psychologist after the curator and maybe even meds if they recommend it. The reason why I'm actually considering meds now is because I did some thinking today while talking to a friend and I remembered the day I got my driver's license, and the joy that came from passing the test lasted only for about 10 minutes. Then I felt exactly like "normal"... thinking "well, what now?", and I couldn't let myself feel good about that huge achievement in my life. This has always been the case, I've had many great things happen to me and while everyone else would be thrilled for days my joy only lasts for like 10 minutes before passing. What I'm trying to say with this is that maybe I am sort of depressed without even knowing it. Maybe I've been "a little" depressed for so long that it has grown into me, fooling me that it's my personality and that I've forgotten what it feels like to be a happy person. I know a friend of mine had the same thing happen to him and he was actually the one who enlightened me about this. Maybe this is the case with me... I don't know, I'll have to see.

 

[iHate]

I'm depressed as fuck but I don't believe pills are the answer. I just try to punish myself for feeling alone; cause really, it's quite stupid and very easy to go out and find people. Although I never listen to my own advice, the only thing you can do is to do things.

Before humans crafted a life to be able to sit around and do nothing all day, there was not enough time to sit around "cryin' like a bitch" (as those chumps in Godsmack would say). They had to constantly be on the hunt for food and protecting themselves. Now that we live in such an advanced world where everyone can act like bitches, the human mind tends to wander a lot, often replacing the lack of activities with "depression" and sad face. Go do something.

Also, nobody sits around basking in the glory of an achievement for days on end. Haven't you ever heard "it's about the journey and not the destination?" It's not a joke. You can't just stop doing things and feel good for days or even hours. You have to keep moving or else you'll get left behind like the rest of them.

 

[Boerboel666]

Good to hear you are being pro active . Just on the meds thing , if you go to the doctor with a vitamin deficiency effecting you're liver and he prescribes a pill, no one questions it . The same should be true of the brain , you may have naturally low serotonin levels which would explain you're basic mood being lower than average . A pill for this should not be looked upon any differently , unfortunately there is still some stigma attached to brain disorders with a lot of laymen advocating the 'pull yourself together' school of medicine .

 

[Erkan]

Also, nobody sits around basking in the glory of an achievement for days on end. Haven't you ever heard "it's about the journey and not the destination?" It's not a joke. You can't just stop doing things and feel good for days or even hours. You have to keep moving or else you'll get left behind like the rest of them.

Sure, but I don't know anyone who was only happy for about 10 minutes after passing their driver's test so I don't think that's very normal. And that's not the only time I've been like that. Once I got 1500€ from my university because I was one of the best ones in my class and same thing there - I couldn't feel any joy over it except for a 5 minute streak of endorphines rushing out from my brain, then it was back to normal again. Most people I know would feel very content for a couple of days at least. I don't know, it may be the way I was raised. My mother always questioned my grades as I may have pointed out already. "Why did you get a B? Why not an A?" and so on, which has probably led to me not being satisfied with any result because there can always be better results to be had. I don't think this is healthy in the long run. How can you become better if you don't acknowledge your current progress and reward yourself for it? Doing that is important to find the motivation to continue on.

Anyway, this monday at 09:15 I have an appointment with a curator. Hope she's good and able to untie these knots in my mind.

Something strange has happened to me in the last 2 days though. I've started feeling better and I've spontaniously come up with the idea of wanting to become a security guard. I can't believe I haven't considered this job before and I think it would be a perfect way for me to support myself and my music with money. Very strange... I feel like I'm at some huge crossroad again and I'm changing as a person.

It's late and I'm tired... this post probably makes no sense. I'll have to see tomorrow.

 

[MarcusGHedwig]

Just out of curiosity, what exactly is a "curator", Erkan? The only definition of the term I know of is "a person who administrates a museum"

 

[Chryst Krispies]

I'm assuming it's like the Swedish version of a counselor?

 

[Erkan]

Oh fuck, I thought curator was actually an english word. Or well it is, but it seems to have a whole different meaning. In sweden it's much like a counselor as said above yeah. I don't exactly know what their level of education is like or how "good" they are but it's the first step. After talking to them, a proper measure is taken against the problem such as sending the person away to a psychologist or whatever.

 

[TheWinterSnow]

Good to hear you are being pro active . Just on the meds thing , if you go to the doctor with a vitamin deficiency effecting you're liver and he prescribes a pill, no one questions it . The same should be true of the brain , you may have naturally low serotonin levels which would explain you're basic mood being lower than average . A pill for this should not be looked upon any differently , unfortunately there is still some stigma attached to brain disorders with a lot of laymen advocating the 'pull yourself together' school of medicine .

My whole beef with depression and anxiety meds is how they change the chemical balances in your brain, and specifically hormones that if not correctly balanced can cause even worsening conditions and stroke/seizures.

For example the most common antidepressant group is the SSRI, which block the reabsorption of serotonin in the the presynaptic nerve so they can be reused. You block too much of any hormone and you will run into many problems. The side effects both short term and long term are worse than the condition they are treating and there have been disputes as to whether they even work.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Selective_serotonin_reuptake_inhibitor#Adverse_effects

Not to scare anyone who would think of trying them, but I see them as the last result, and after being on Prozac for a year I can say I would rather feel depressed than feel nothing, watching my life go to shit because I am just to numb to give a fuck is a horrible way to cop out of feeling like shit. When it comes down to it, the idea of feeling depressed and that you will just take some magic pill and you will feel better without any side effects is too good to be true, its just not that simple.

When I went into a shrink a few months ago they mentioned that they are trying to take people away from meds as the first attempt for the cure because they are finding out that antidepressants just mask the issue, and don't actually treat it, and given the adverse side effects, they are beginning to look at more evasive treatments and use the meds as a last result.

 

[MarcusGHedwig]

I've been on the minimum effective dose of Cymbalta for 3 years, and I can safely say I feel absolutely 100% normal - I tried being off it for a few months in summer '09, and while I was certainly able to function, it took very little to just generally get my mood in a funk, making me feel down for no particular reason, despite the fact that my rational mind knew I really shouldn't give a shit about what little thing it was that caused it; going back on, I feel great - I certainly have my ups and downs, who doesn't, but man, it just makes the baseline at such a better happy medium, and allows me to enjoy my accomplishments and resting state, which I am eternally grateful for - so please refrain from the blanket generalizations, cuz for me there are zero negative side effects from this stuff (including alcohol sensitivity, for example now, cuz tomorrow is my one day off, and I'm enjoying the night before )

 

[TheWinterSnow]

well cymbalta isn't an SSRI, however in normal dosages it comes with horrible dependancy, which they even mention on the commercials. My mom was on it and it was absolute misery for her to quit. And alcohol sensitivity isn't what is really mentioned under side effects, its more of a, you drink, you have an increased chance for seizures (for SSRI's particularly).

 

[MarcusGHedwig]

Nah, I quit for 2.5 months with no problem simply by tapering myself off; I just went back to feeling like how I felt when I wasn't on it (see above), so back on I went - and it is actually an SSRI, it's just that it also inhibits the reuptake of neuroepinephrine. Anyway, sorry this kinda stuff hasn't worked for you and your mom, but please don't assume it's the same for everybody.

 

[ahjteam]

do nothing but spit and swallow

at first I was like wtf, as this is how I quickly read it

 

[Rogueleader]

What I do whenever I have an issue like this is open a word document and write out what the issue is and what I am doing to cause it. I don't hold anything back either, it doesn't do any good if you can't be brutally honest with yourself. For example when I wasn't performing up to snuff at college I wrote down "My parents are paying alot to send me to college and I am squandering the opportunity focusing on the social aspect and getting mediocre grades. If there was any justice in the universe I'd be destitute and homeless.". Its not really a technique I read about anywhere, I just found out one day that it worked well to clear my mind. I think it helps me in the following three ways

-It lets you acknowledge the full extent of the problem and more clearly see what is causing the problem. It is easier to keep an ordered brain if you write stuff down. One of the main parts of going to a doctor is telling them the full problem and all the causes. Oftentimes you don't even know what the causes or the problem are until you start talking/writing down.
-Putting it on paper (atleast in my experience) clears alot of the stress/anxiety/negativity from my mind. At first it might seem hard to be brutally honest with yourself, but once you are done you feel like a tremendous weight has been lifted off of your shoulders. Once I write it down it feels like you can stop dwelling on the problem and start moving forwards again.

Once I'm done typing I just read through it once and delete it. Don't know if it will work for you but it keeps me pretty stress free.

It sounds to me like you are getting there, but you still haven't found the root of the problem. People oftentimes have trouble admitting that THEY are the problem. But you have to be brutally honest with yourself before you can actually start moving forwards again.

 

[GarethSE]

I spent some time on anti-depressants and if I hadn't gone on them at the time, I think things may well have finally gotten the better of me, in what way, I'm not sure, but something would've finally snapped in a heavily permanent way so I made the choice to go see a doctor about it and go on the meds, but this should NEVER be a permanent solution. If you are depressed there is a REASON for it. An insecurity, a problem, your position in life, where you live, whatever, it could be anything, but you have to look for it and deal with your personal demons or you WILL get overwhelmed eventually. I've been dealing with depression and anxiety since I was a kid and I've only just made headway though, for what it's worth.
But basically man, the point is, you've always gotta be trying to face your demons. Like someone said earlier, you're a tortured artist and I feel I share a lot of the stuff you describe, feeling like you always have to be involving yourself in some deep state of creativity and progress.
You need to know, but more importantly, truly understand that without the contrast of the periods of waiting and stillness, the periods of heightened creative insanity, of furious improvisation and musical discovery, would mean nothing.
Everything is about duality and contrast.
I have this analogy I figured out of a set of scales, constantly in flux and imbalance that then occasionally find a moment of stillness right in the center, of equality and perfection, and those moments are only ever fleeting when they do come, but that is WHY they feel so meaningful.
Get in touch on MSN one evening when you got some time in fact Erkan, I got some cool concepts I'd like to discuss that I think could help you out

 

[Jevil]

I'd recommend to see a doctor.

I have finished this week my antidepressant pills. Actually I never felt depression but anxiety and occasional small panic attacks... both depression and anxiety are connected with each other so the pills are the same.

It is very important that your serotonin levels are high, that makes you be happy.

Doing sport is said to be the natural way to mantain your serotonin levels high.
Others say that chocolate has antidepressant effects due to some molecule that raise your serotonin...
Sun rays are pure energy and they are fucking good as antidepressant.
Sex is also a good choice... it is like sport but more amusing.

Don't worry Erkan, in every man's life there are always highs and lows.


BTW, what the hell happens in the northern countries? many people suffer from depression... must be those dark and gloomy winter maybe?