101 Rules of *power/neoclassical* metal, anyone?

[Yngvai X]

the 101 rules of both black metal and prog metal have been written, so why don't we create a "101 rules of" for another one of the most cliched genres in metal? I know we have a decent amount of power/neoclassical fans here, so, lets name some!

- Have at *least* 1 song on every album with a major key chorus. The more the better. This is not optional.

- Don't be Timo Tolkki.

- Make sure each new album is "a little more prog" sounding than your last without ever actually crossing over into prog territory.

- Be METAL. Write songs about how awsome metal is and/or how metal will never die.

- Don't extend your classical influence beyond the baroque era. Everything else is "not melodic enough."

- Praise Nightfall in Middle Earth by Blind Guardian as one of the best metal concept albums ever. Never actually read The Silmarillion.

- Rhapsody is gay.

- OK, if you DO like Rhapsody tell people "Their music is amazing but their lyrics are gay."

- Cycle 5 progressions are your friend. When in doubt, throw one in with the guitars playing sweep arpeggios or pedal tones over it.

- Claim your music is classically influenced. Never actually listen to classical music.


Anyone got any others?

 

[Mr. Shred-ididle]

Start a new thread about it.

I would actually perfur a new one about shred (in all genres)

 

[Kate Bush Rules!]

- Shred. Sweep pick. Tap. Constantly.

- Don't hire singers who cannot reach high E (that's the 12th fret on the high E string on guitar!).

- If you claim to be influenced by the literature of JRR Tolkien, your cheesy lyrics will get a small amount of free credibility. You don't have to have read anything by Tolkien to say this.

- Don't dare to use any scale other than harmonic minor and melodic minor in your solos. The pentatonic scale is absolutely banned.

- Have "epic" album cover art of a fantastical theme.

- Yngwie = God --or-- Bruce Dickinson = God

- Don't put emotion in your music. You're too metal for that artsy fag crap.

 

[City]

album must have at least one song about a dragon or a sword. the more the better.

 

[theodyssey]

-one entire ALBUM must be about a dragon or a sword, preferably with a name like "masamune" or "big ass flaming sword of death, doom, and destruction"
-you must dress in full armor with an obvious fake sword in the promo pictures. This is not optional.
-You must have a song that includes a play on your bands name or just the bands name (ex. Blind Guardian's "Guardian of the Blind" or HammerFall's "Hammerfall"... and "Let the Hammer Fall"... and "Raise the Hammer")
-you must have a mascot who is badass, but then give him a decidedly un-badass name (hammerfall = Hector, Maiden = Eddie)
-in the videos, there must be at least one outdoor scene where everyone is set up in the middle of the woods, or by a waterfall, or a remote field, but the singer just stands there with his hair flowing in the wind.

 

[Mr. Shred-ididle]

What have you done with this this time, Lady of the Oracle? First it was the overated/underated thread now this!? J/K

 

[Yngvai X]

we should start keeping count. Thats 22 so far...

23. Drummers must play at least 2/3rds of every song with constant double bass. This is mandatory.

24. Start a side project. Make sure it sounds EXACTLY like your current band. If it doesn't...well...dont be Timo Tolkki...

25. Guitarists: eat donuts

26. Wear leather pants.

27. Tune down a half step. Anything else isn't metal enough.

28. Hire Derek Riggs to draw your album covers.

 

[theodyssey]

29. If you don't have leather pants, black jeans are acceptable as long as they are skin tight.

30. There must be at LEAST one song based on lord of the rings or other fantasy book series.

31. For a guitarist, ugliness is directly proportionate to ability. The uglier you are, the better you can shread.

32. there must be a minimum of one cheesy ballad per album.

33. Manowar is god, even though they are stuck in the 80s and have not made an original song yet. You will base your look, sound, and lyrical content after them.

 

[Julz]

The uglier you are, the better you can shread.

Hahaha! Is that why Tony Macalpine is so good? Sorry Tony but you had a shocker in the acid wash denim and the afro-mullet, You still rule anyhow.

 

[Mr. Shred-ididle]

He's still a shocker bald

 

[Dado-x]

34. Remember, you have no idea who Yngwie Malmsteen is. You were strictly influenced only by classical music such as Bach, Paganini, Vivaldi, Tschaikovsky etc., it just happens that electric guitar is alot cheaper than violin.

 

[theodyssey]

35. Solo's must be only to show off technical ability... NO EMOTION IS TO BE PUT INTO A SOLO!!!! This is illegal in power metal.

 

[Dado-x]

36. Be sure to release the fucking fury every once in a while.

 

[Manga-San]

37. Elves and Goblins are your friends...

 

[Mr. Shred-ididle]

38. The singer or drummer must be the guy who looks different from the others. Either its that the rest of the band have black/brown hair - the singer or drummer must have blonde hair. Or if the whole band has straight hair, the singer/drummer must have curly hair ect...

 

[Demonspell]

39. Make sure your introductions in concerts are longer than the songs themselves, like Hansi Kursch does.
40. Cover a Helloween song as poorly as possible.
41. If you don't have any songs with King in the title, just move on. You're not fit to play power metal.
42. Use Maiden-derived dual guitar lines whenever possible.

 

[theodyssey]

43. you know, on second thought, forget covering any helloween song and just cover "i want out"...

44. your singer must be able to sound like he got kicked in the balls, and he must use that falsetto to scream something at least once during the course of a song (example: and the dragon comes in the NIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHTTTTTTTTT!!!!!)

 

[peavy_fan]

43. I any of you song you must copy some Yngwie solos and Kai Hansen riffs.

44. You must always thanks in the album book (Yngwie Malmsteen, Kai Hansen and Bruce Dickinson).

45. Remember Jens, Jeff Scott and Anders are not Rising Force (Yngwie is Rising Force).

46. Sing like Michael Kiske, don't follow his ideas.

47. Don't play gibson guitars those are for riffers. They are non neoclassical at least use a Fender.

 

[theodyssey]

ok, since we both posted at the same time, the next one will be #50 (for those who can't add)

 

[Mr. Shred-ididle]

50 - The biggest power metal bands are one of the worst (strato, Hammerfall ect...) will allways have one good member that are bros. (Jens and Andreas Johanson)
Mmmm, my power metal ones aren't as good as my prog ones.