Metalhead saves princess

[amon666]

This is the situation: theres a beautiful princess trapped in a castle watched by a dragon. Heres the end of the story with different styles of metalheads as knights.


POWER METAL:

The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess and makes love to her in an enchanted forest.

THRASH METAL:

The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princes and fucks her.

HEAVY METAL:

The protagonist arrives on a harley, kills the dragon, drinks a few
beers and fucks the princess.

FOLK METAL:

The protagonist arrives with some friends playing acordions, violins, flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls sleep (because of all the dancing). Then all leave....without the princess.

VIKING METAL:

The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his mighty axe, skins the dragon and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals her belongings and burns the castle before leaving.

DEATH METAL:

The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, fucks the princess and kills her, then leaves.

BLACK METAL:

The protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and impales it in front of the castle. Then he sodomises the princess, drinks her blood in a ritual before killing her. Then he impales the princess next to the dragon.

GORE METAL:

The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in front of the castle, fucks the princess and kills her. Then he fucks the dead body again, slashes her belly and eats her guts. Then he fucks the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and fucks it for the last time.

DOOM METAL:

The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks he could never beat him, then he gets depressed and commits suicide. The dragon eats his body and the princess as dessert. Thats the end of the sad story.

PROGRESSIVE METAL:

The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes. The dragon kills himself out of boredom. The protagonist arrives to the princess bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques and tunes he learned in the last year of the conservatory. The princess escapes looking for the HEAVY METAL protagonist.

GLAM METAL:

The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guys appearance and lets him enter. He steals the princess make-up and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink color.

NU METAL:

The protagonist arrives in a run-down Honda Civic and attempts to fight the dragon but he burns to death when his moronic baggy clothes catch fire

some people might know it, but its awesome!!

 

[Spanish_Lass]

Seen it before but still makes me laugh

 

[Spanish_Lass]

What would happen to an emo in that situation? I guess he would depress both the dragon and the princess to death.

 

[tagradh]

What would happen to an emo in that situation? I guess he would depress both the dragon and the princess to death.

Leave emos alone or I'll go all gore metal on you.

 

[DamageInc.]

 

[Resonator]

I like gore in me rather than outside...Am I a queer?

 

[Vilewoman]

Heavy Metal FTMFW!!!!!!!

 

[waif]

BLACK METAL:

The protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and impales it in front of the castle. Then he sodomises the princess, drinks her blood in a ritual before killing her. Then he impales the princess next to the dragon.

Moar liek:

The anti-hero arrives at the witching hour, sells his soul to the dragon, and sacrifices the princess to Satan, then paints the castle with her blood and imprisons himself in its dungeon until he dies of hunger.

And the glam guy would have boned the princess. Nobody got more pussy than Motley Crue and that lot.

 

[Spanish_Lass]

By the way, this band describe themselves as folk-metal. But this video would place them as just random folk on a bad acid trip. Do watch till the end, its fucking ludicrous. The dragon would probably piss himself laughing, then decide to incinerate them for a laugh.

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pW-Njfe6zcg"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pW-Njfe6zcg[/ame]



I do hope this is tongue in cheek. Because otherwise I understand people thinking metallers are freaks!

 

[Vilewoman]

And the glam guy would have boned the princess. Nobody got more pussy than Motley Crue and that lot.

More like the glam guy shows up, sings high pitched songs of "love" till the glass shatters, shards kill the dragon. Glam guy bones the princess. Borrows her Aqua Net and make-up. Makes himself beautiful, and rides off into the night with a stretched limo with a jacuzzi filled with his band members and more hot broads.

 

[bathory...]

I think the doom should go more like, the protagonist gets there, sees the dragon takes out some weed and asks the dragon to light it. The Protagonist gets badly burned in the process and dies high.

 

[waif]

More like the glam guy shows up, sings high pitched songs of "love" till the glass shatters, shards kill the dragon. Glam guy bones the princess. Borrows her Aqua Net and make-up. Makes himself beautiful, and rides off into the night with a stretched limo with a jacuzzi filled with his band members and more hot broads.