Nightwish Inquirerer (RUMORS ONLY!)

[Zellie]

I've been really enjoying the uh....editorial commentary in the thread about us being mentioned in Mape's book... so much so that I thought it deserved it's own thread.

Here is your place to post the most subtle or most outlandish Nightwish rumors you can cook up!

Here's what we've come up with so far:

Ray: But, for the next two years, we all came up with theories. Anything to keep the band's name in the spotlight. Whether is was Nicole, Lady Angellyca, Simone Simons, Marco in a dress, or my Theory of the Month, from the plausible (Tara Sloane, Sabine Edelsbacher, and Sabine Dunser, May she Rest in Peace), To the thouroughly ridiculous (Liv Kristine, Lady Angellyca, Hanna Pikarinen) to the incredibly Ill-informed (Remember my Papal Encyclical on the merits of Kim Goss? You REALLY wanna see the boys pissed off?).

Ray: Mape did not say that we stalked Tarja, or mailed Tel's and Zelda's underwear to Marco's house, or did some other stupidness that embarrassed the band.

Trogdor: I don't know where they got that information, I was personally pushing for Shagrath to be the new singer, but we can't always get what we want.

Iced Dog: What, that didn't happen??

Ray: Well, Marco is still alive. Which means that Mervi did not strangle him with his beard.


Snowy: Well, we could go OSA Enquirer and publish outlandish stories about how milk ACTUALLY came from Marco's beard!

Tel: JUKKA WEDS TWO HEADED ELVIS CLONE!!!

Ray: "MARCO HIETALA WAS BORN ON JUPITER"


Tramz: We just need to phrase things more carefully. For example, if i were to say that certain panties did indeed make their way into the possession of certain talented musicians, you'll notice that because i am vague enough to not name whose panties they were, or which musicians might currently be fondly fondling them (or worse!), baseless rumors can start flying wildly. This can lead them to eventually make their way to the inquirer. Now if i were to post a picture of a bottle of milk next to such an article, it might be even more suggestive, and lead people to certain conclusions that of course have no basis in publicly revealed fact.. and we wouldn't want to do that!


So, about Marco in a dress.... I also heard (and don't quote me on this) that he ONLY wears Armani.....

 

[Tramz]

I've been really enjoying the uh....editorial commentary in the thread about us being mentioned in Mape's book... so much so that I thought it deserved it's own thread.

Here is your place to post the most subtle or most outlandish Nightwish rumors you can cook up!

Here's what we've come up with so far:

Ray: Mape did not say that we stalked Tarja, or mailed Tel's and Zelda's underwear to Marco's house, or did some other stupidness that embarrassed the band.

What? Mape stalked Tarja and stole underwear from Marco's house? OH the scandal!! What a sordid state of affairs! Why things you learn about people from the rumor mill..

 

[Zellie]

Yeah, and he's a great multitasker--he wrote some fiction while he was doing it! Not sure if it was horror, sci-fi, or fantasy though... I haven't read it myself.... I do think that it involved zombie chickens.... I could be wrong....

 

[Snowy Owl]

How cool would this be?

PARAMOUNT PICTURES INKS MOTION PICTURE DEAL INVOLVING NIGHTWISH

Paramount Pictures announced today that it is planning to release Nightwish: The True Story, a motion picture which chronicles the story of the Finland based metal superstars. The story will run from the early days in Kitee to the present day incarnation with new vocalist Anette Olzon. Casting calls will begin soon.

A soundtrack is also planned featuring 15 Nightwish hit songs plus 3 new tracks.

Hey...it's only a rumor I started but a guy can dream!

If anyone has ideas for the casting call for this "movie" please suggest actors/actresses at will!

 

[Zellie]

I shouldn't be telling you this....

but.....



I'm *pretty sure* that they selected me to play both Tarja *and* Anette. I mean, I did send in a demo with my masterpiece, "I like puppies cuz they have no bones"

As for the songs, not all 15 are genuinely Nightwish. The director feels that "Oceansoul" doesn't describe the story of Nighwish nearly as well as "Oops, I did it again" which Nightwish will be covering.

 

[Tramz]

I shouldn't be telling you this....

but.....



As for the songs, not all 15 are genuinely Nightwish. The director feels that "Oceansoul" doesn't describe the story of Nighwish nearly as well as "Oops, I did it again" which Nightwish will be covering.

You heard about that? It was supposed to be kept a secret. It was the secret plot twist! Man.. you can't keep anything hidden in this business!

 

[Iced Dog]

"Oops, I did it again" which Nightwish will be covering.

Actually, another Finnish metal band already covered that...Children Of Bodom. I kid you not

 

[Tramz]

Actually, another Finnish metal band already covered that...Children Of Bodom. I kid you not

I heard that cover.. i couldn't believe it. It's completely awful. In many ways, it's worse than the original. At least you know to expect crap from pop artists. But when a fairly decent band like CoB takes a bad song and only makes it worse, it sounds TWICE as bad. One wonders what they could have been thinking. If they meant to take the worst song possible and try to turn it into a rocking tune, they really failed.

 

[Stingray11214]

"INSIDER, "TUOMAS IS ACTUALLY JESUS CHRIST."

You may have wondered why Tuomas Holopainen always had a bright light around him. Well, the truth is that "Tuomas Holopainen" is the Earthly name for one of history's greatest religious heroes: Jesus Christ. "It is just uncanny how he always talks about Christ in the first person," said a Nightwish insider, " The proof is that when you are in the sauna with him. You see that he has circular scars on the tops of his feet. I have never seen scars like that in my life." But, scars are not the only thing. It is said that "miracles" have happened when he is around. The latest was in the Kitee City Hospital. On August 8th, 2007, Tuomas Holopainen visited the pediactrics ward to give the infirm children some cheer. "It was incredible," said a nurse close to the situation, "We had this adorable 6 year old, Kaarina Jaaskilainen, who had terminal cancer and only days to live. Tuomas gave her a hug. When we took her medication, she was up and around! She hadn't walked in weeks! We took her for an X-Ray, and her cancer was gone! All gone. It was a miracle."

 

[Tramz]

Next thing you know, people are going to start fainting at concerts and yelling PRAISE TUOMAS!

I'm sure he'd love that (note the sarcasm)

 

[C.]

Oh jeez Ray, from the looks of things, seems like you forgot about a certain former OSAer who made many posts pertaining to the idea that he thought the very same thing.

Oh yeah, and Type O Negative also covered a Britney song..."Baby One More Time". Pretty f*cking hilarious, but I love that Type O sense of humor.

And to add to the rumor mill...Ray was not bullsh*tting when he said that I was the replacement singer for Nightwish. But I turned it down because I felt it would take time away from my true passion, which is roasting pumpkin seeds.

 

[Tramz]

Well. your love of pumpkin seeds IS well known.

It's good that you have your priorities set straight. A person has to stay true to themselves you know ;]

But i remember this. Naturally, they were all disappointed. I specifically remember Jukka expressing his disappointment at the loss to Nightwish and the entire world, but he understood your decision because he's cool like that. After all, what is Nightwish compared to the great pumpkin seed? Charlie Brown knew what was up with the great pumpkin. If it was good enough for him, it should be good enough for anybody!

 

[C.]

Well yes, in between that, training for the couch potato Olympics, and conducting the deaf-mute children's choir, I just didn't see where I would have time for the touring and the interviews and all that other stuff.

Naturally, they were all disappointed. I specifically remember Jukka expressing his disappointment at the loss to Nightwish and the entire world, but he understood your decision because he's cool like that.

It wasn't all roses, let me tell you. Emppu threw a bagel at my head, and then ran out of the room screaming, "how could you?!" Marco was so disillusioned that he wanted to cut his hair and beard, wear a suit and tie, and start selling vacuum cleaners.

Tuomas managed to calm them all down when I offered them those Mickey Mouse ice cream cones, you know, the ones that are shaped like Mickey's head and have little jelly beans for the nose?

"I truly believe that only ice cream can save the world."

 

[seraph7]

I know you guys are just mucking around (and it's v funny) but seriously what a trainwreck the Nightwish film would be. They'd have to try and sex up the story line and next thing you know Tarja (played by someone like Angelina Jolie) would be having an affair with Tuomas and bitchfighting with the new singer.

You know I'm joking but you can just see it, can't you? I think someone needs to do a parody. I seem to remember Ray doing a few Nightwish story things back in the day. (Incidentally , what happened at the end on that 'Christmas Carol' inspired one? I don't really like fanfic especially about real people but that was really good. You should have finished it!)

 

[Iced Dog]

"I truly believe that only ice cream can save the world."

Quite a romantic sentiment

 

[Zellie]

Emppu threw a bagel at you?! I heard it was a krisy kreme and that he was just jealous--secretly he wanted the spot and knew he could never get it. Not without dying his hair anyway.

 

[C.]

(Incidentally , what happened at the end on that 'Christmas Carol' inspired one? I don't really like fanfic especially about real people but that was really good. You should have finished it!)

I did, last Christmas. And in the next few weeks as the holidays draw near, I will re-post it here at the new forum, in its entirety.

Emppu threw a bagel at you?! I heard it was a krispy kreme and that he was just jealous

I would never allow myself to be touched by a Krispy Kreme. Most overrated donuts. Ever.

 

[Iced Dog]

I would never allow myself to be touched by a Krispy Kreme. Most overrated donuts. Ever.

agreed...they're not terrible, but certainly far from the best.

 

[C.]

agreed...they're not terrible, but certainly far from the best.

Exactly!

 

[Zellie]

rofl, mostly I remember krispy kreme because in high school my dad moved to VA for a job and I stayed in NJ to finish high school. When we'd visit him in VA, we'd always pass these krispy kremes and it seemed like there were more each time.... first time I'd ever heard of the place. Soo when my teacher asked us to choose a stock to track for finance class, donuts was the first thing that popped into my mind. It ended up doing so well that I wish I'd invested real money in it XD I've actually only eaten there maybe 2x.

But I hear it's Emppu's favorite donut shop and he will fight Marco to the death (Marco obviously supports spudnuts while Tuomas is more of a dunkin fan)