The Friday Joke

Fingers

Member
Jan 9, 2003
967
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West Sussex
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The doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your
headaches. The bad new is that it will require castration. You
have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press
on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache.

The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."

Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to
live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the
first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an
important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he
realised that he felt like a different person. He could make a
new beginning and live a new life.


He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I
need... a new suit." He entered the shop and told the salesman,
"I'd like a new suit." The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and
said, "Let's see... size 44 long." Joe laughed, "That's right,
how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!" the tailor
said. Joe tried on the suit.. it fit perfectly.


As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How
about a new shirt?" Joe thought for a moment and then said,
"Sure." The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeves
and 16-1/2 neck." Joe was surprised, That's right, how did you
know?" "Been in the business
60 years." Joe tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly.


Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked,
"How about some new underwear?" Joe thought for a moment and
said, "Sure." The salesman said, "Let's see... size 36." Joe
laughed, "Ah ha! I got you, I've worn a size 34 since I was 18
years old."


The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. A size
34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine
and give you one hell of a headache."


New suit - £400


New shirt - £36


New underwear - £6


Second Opinion - PRICELESS!
 
Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the old ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

Maude: What in the hell is that?

Mable: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn’t get wet.

Maude: Where did you get it?

Mable: You can get them at any drugstore.

The next day, Maude hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.

"Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel."