The Prophecies of Metalizedamus Jan - Jun 2007

metalized

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Sep 10, 2001
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In my dream – or vision, or maybe both?
I walk among the endless forest of Janusevac, a sacred place, that I visit in my dreams.
It is always misty and cold there, but only there I can walk carefree. In this visit, after I had intruded this ancient forest, this old friend of mine, I felt the northern wind blow on my pale red lips. The wind never blows here. I stopped walking.
What followed was a strong beam of light, breaking the thick cover of leaves and branches, that the enormous trees have been providing for thousands of years to this forest, for those seconds in my dreamwalks. The Killers of my peace, the only peace I 've ever known. My sanity assassins, what is this that I see?
A creature then appeared through this beam of light. It was not a human. She was floating and had metal wings. She begun speaking:
"Hear my words now, for thy master speaks to you through my voice. Be not afraid, just heed the words I say. Everything shall be clear to you in the end; and the end of this dream is not far away. Be not worried my child, for I am the Angel of Retribution, the one that speaks the Metal God's words. Speak to me you will, after I am through, if you wish to do so. You have been chosen to give this Mystic Prophecy to the world. You shall be the Steel Prophet for this is thy master's will."
And she started speaking to me of things to come; she started sending pictures in my eyes of what will be; the things that will happen during this year, the year of dog and pig and the Pisces. Keep reading if you will, this is the History of a time to come. Or at least a part of the time to come:


January


"...a powerful man from Finland, shall speak the sad truth, realizing the imminent loss...shall impose what is already imposed upon his people..."
The new year begins in the worst possible way for the Metal. The doomsters Reverend Bizarre had already announced that the band will be disbanded. With the coming of the New Year, this came true. Matti Vanhanen, the prime minister of Finland, shall state that 2007 is the year of grief for Finland, and from then on, 2007 will be imposed as the PanFinlandian year of cultural poverty.

"...the one whose name is Mraz in his own language, shall gain on his feet, but shall lose in other ways..."
The Frost will finally buy new shoes, as he had promised himself long ago. Unfortunately, he will lose his job because of that, as that pair was the one pair the boss' son wanted to have; the boss' son will get jealous, when he will see that The Frost bought them first and he will have his dad fire The Frost.

"...tribute shall be paid to the evil countess..."
A new tribute album to Bathory will be recorded, by unsigned bands from Lichtenstein.

"...the mother of the Scandinavian philosopher shall get a black share of happiness..."
Burzum's mother shall get married to a man, who originates from Zimbabwe.

"...the ones with no God shall act more, by the will of the followers..."
Atheist will start thinking about recording a new album, that will write history again, after public request from their fans in Greece and all over the world.

"...the one whose force is not apparent shall rise with the sun..."
Keith Menser of Mystic Force will re-enact his record company "Rising Sun", but he will disappear again.

"...the saint, for whom they sing about will visit them. Again..."
Metallica members will have a huge dilemma, that will lead them to hate each other. The dilemma is if they should start playing metal again or if they should stick to this commercial kind of music they now provide.

"...evil shall be born in the town of the storks..."
The last child that will be born in the first day of the new year will be in Pirdop, Bulgaria. This will go unnoticed as he is not the first; also unnoticed will go that he has 8 brothers and 8 uncles. The name that will be given to him will be Kristo and he will be the ninth son of a ninth son.

February


"...a skull collector will pay for disturbing the peace of the dead..."
Peavy Wagner of Rage shall be arrested for violating graves and collecting the skulls.

"...the ones without shape shall pay respect to their mental fathers..."
Amorphis will start recording a new EP which will contain covers of songs from The Doors. The guitarist, Tomi Koivusaari will state: "It has always been our secret desire to do that, as we always felt the need to pay respect to our main influence".

"...the dance of the psychotic shall once more be no more..."
Psychotic Waltz shall re-unite, but they will re-disband after two weeks, as Dan Rock and Devon Graves shall come to a verbal conflict, while arguing if they will grow hair, or beard.

"...Emerald city's giant shall awaken, but alas! His evil side shall awaken too..."
Seattle's Sanctuary's former members Lenny Rutledge, Sean Blosl and Dave Budbill, after having established a very good friendship, will sue Warrel Dane and Jim Sheppard, for not including them in Nevermore. After that lawsuit will be overthrown as irrelevant, the trio will camp outside Dane's and Sheppard's house on a hunger strike. Before the end of the month they will become friends with a lady that will secretly be giving them food. They will stop their manifestation after that lady dies.

"...a new Testament shall be written, that will wipe out the old one..."
Chuck Billy shall be the founder of a new band called the New Testament; the band will only play old traditional Indian music arranged for band, and they will work with Mel Gibson on the composition of the music for the sequel to Apocalypto, which will be called: "Apocalypto II: The new order"

"...under the Mount Doom, a newborn one shall arise..."
The members from Amon Amarth will form a side project called Amon, whose lyrics will talk only about the ancient Egyptian mythology.

"...Ballista shall fire again..."
Bolt Thrower will announce that their new album will be a concept album about war.

"...evil shall start to grow in the town of the storks..."
Little Kristo will start growing unusually fast. Before the month will be over, Kristo will be able to walk.

March


"...the ones who run to the light, will run faster..."
There will be a rumor that Trouble's new album, which will be called "Simple Mind Condition", is actually a remake of old Simple Minds songs in a faster and groovier arrangement, so that nobody will understand that these are not actual Trouble songs. Fans will get angry and the band will rename the album to "Troubled Mind".

"...the Priest shall make his own litany..."
Judas Priest shall release a new compilation with a rare old songs, called Victims of Change. The compilation will become world wide platinum, and the members of the band will finally come out of their financial crisis.

"...the agents of the Illuminati will ascend to the sky..."
All the members of Agent Steel, will be abducted by aliens. People will think that Freemasons had them disappear, and nobody will believe the eye witnesses, that will claim that they actually saw UFOs abducting them.

"...the royal jewel shall shine brighter..."
King Diamond after spending Christmas with his family, slaughtering all the roosters in his neighborhood, will invest all his savings in an independent Danish chicken slaughtering industry.

"...the dirty Daniel shall be cleansed..."
Dani the Filth, after many years, will finally take a shower again and will be called from now on Dani the Clean. This will be the same kind of transformation, that Gandalf underwent to turn from gray to white.

"...sword bearing shall bear axe..."
Ensiferum members will create a new institution called Securiferum, that will help children who want to learn the skills of handling ancient weapons like the sword (enso) and the axe (securis).

"...a new star shall rise on the skies of Wenonah; shall burn bright..."
William Bozarth, founder of the disbanded Distorted Mind, will make a new band called Processor and will release a single called Process, containing the self titled song. Processor will play something in the style of early Foreigner, early Distorted Mind and early Nevermore. The band shall become a new power of metal.

"...the prophet of steel shall cover his sources..."
Steel Prophet will release a new EP, that will have only one song, that will be a medley of covers from Iron Maiden songs. The EP will be called "Iron Maidley".

"...the evil son shall speak his first words..."
Kristo will start speaking. His parents are very happy that they have such a clever child, but they will keep this secret from the public. They will lock Kristo up in a room, where they will feed him and provide him with everything he needs, but never let him out of that room.

April


"...the beast is to grow..."
Iron Maiden will announce the addition of one more guitarist, one contra-bassist, one more frontman and two microphone holders, one for each frontman.

"...the ones whose salvation is born through redemption yielding peace, encouragement and righteousness shall be revealed..."
It will be revealed by unknown sources, that STRYPER's drummer Robert Sweet and his brother Michael, singer of the band, had distant family bonds with Anton LaVey. They will claim that the main reason why they started the band was, because their distant uncle was molesting them when they were children, by sending them to chase the animals, babies and virgins he needed for his rituals.

"...the land of the Gods shall give the ritual to the dead reverend..."
After the disbandment of Reverend Bizarre, the Greek doomsters Litany will move to Finland, because they will think that they will be able to steal the glory, fame and girls from the disbanded ones. They will return very quickly to Greece, because it will be too cold for them, but they will conquer the hearts of the Finnish people (mainly of the female ones) and their effort will enrich the poor nation's heart with the hope, that maybe not everything is lost for their cultural needs.

"...the liquid that annihilates shall have to annihilate suspicions..."
Jeff Waters of Annihilator shall be accused by the Vancouver's Institution for Social Mental Health of being schizophrenic. The accusation will be based on the titles of Annihilator's albums and songs, but it will be proved that this was just an effort of the institution's director to save his career by bringing such a great celebrity to be treated in his institution. The director shall remain in the institution as a patient.

"...the noble savage shall bear the wrong sword..."
David "The Lion" DeFeis of Virgin Steele will almost chop Edward Pursino's head off, during a show with the sword they use in their shows. Pursino will escape the decapitation, but from now on the band will only be using plastic swords in their shows.

"...the hydra shall bite the ghost..."
Omen and Phantom X members will form a sideproject that will be called Battle X. This project will make its way to the US top 10 with the new hit song "Warning of the Phantom" and will stay among the top 3 for the whole year long. Battle X will do a world wide tour and they will all be playing in each concert for at least 3,5 hours featuring songs from Omen, Phantom X as well as some of their own.
"...the lake's murderer shall strike his children..."
The one who murdered the three young men at the lake Bodom in Finland, will try to murder all the members of Children of Bodom, without any success, because he is too old. He will urinate on his pants while trying to detonate the bomb that he allegedly made. The bomb will be filled with corn flour instead of nitroglycerin in powder as the murderer initially planed, because he will forget to wear his glasses while making the bomb.

"...the seed of Emerald city's giant shall be enlightened..."
Warrel Dane of Nevermore while trying to focus, so that he could get inspiration for the new Nevermore album, he will spiritually find Jesus, within his own mind (no he will not be neither ond rugs, nor, drunk, he will just get spiritually ascended to a level unknown to most of the mortals). The band's new album shall be named "This Godful Meeting" and it will sound like a mixture of early STRYPER, Veni Domine, Recon and Deliverance, only with a heavier production. The lyrics shall all be based on the holy book, and they will become the Vatican's official band.

"...the ninth son shall start his evil studies..."
Kristo will ask from his parent to educate him. They will not deny that to him, as his father will not want for his son to end up like him. A professor will be visiting Kristo in that room and start teaching him the basics of education. Kristo's physical growth will go on in that not normal way.

May


"...the tower of fire will stand strong..."
Cirith Ungol will reunite and start touring once again. They will claim that this is not a reunion to extract money from the fans. To prove that, they will keep playing metal until after their youngest member has reached his 70 years. They will, of course, make no money out of this.

"...the insect with the sting shall be federally stung..."
Blackie Lawless of W.A.S.P. will be arrested by the FBI and forced to change his name to Lawful; the FBI will give him these options: a) either to change his name to Lawful, or b) to keep his name and get life imprisonment as a terrorist.

"...Arthur's castle shall be reformed..."
Kamelot will change their name to Kamception.

"...the creation of no good shall create something of its own..."
All the members of Malevolent Creation, current and former will gather together and with the purpose to create something malevolent. The only thing that they will be able to come up with, will be a malevolent advertisement of chocolate ice-cream. The advertisement will be broadcast by "accident" on the national television and will make the people who watched it, kill in order to get some chocolate ice-cream.

"...the hammer shall fall to the tunes of Europe..."
Hammerfall will be chosen to represent Sweden in the next Eurovision. They will not win the contest, because their song will be too soft.

"...the dark fortress shall find its roots and remain there..."
Dimmu Borgir founder Shargath will go to the volcanic formations DimmuBorgir, where he will stay for two months feeding only of the trolls that he will be hunting down. He will claim that this land belonged to his great, great grand father and now to him. The government of Iceland will build a small wooden cabin for him to stay in and will allow him to stay there, under the condition that he will chase away (or eat) all the trolls that are in the area, because they cause great damage in the farms around.

"...the English witch of british metal shall come back..."
Kevin Heybourne of Angel Witch will back to England, and reform once again the band with the old members. After a short period of time he will realize that coming back to England was a mistake and will force all the other members to follow him to the USA, so they can continue their prosperous metal career.

"...the evil shall get its first evil toy..."
Kristo will ask for a Personal Computer . His parents, feeling guilty for locking him up will buy a new PC for him.

June


"...the French son of the priest shall be the most beautiful..."
Alice Cooper will be declared as the official sex symbol in the rock for 2007.

"...Edinburgh's sons shall perish...and they shall once again rise..."
Holocaust will be disbanded in the beginning of June. Around the 10th of the month they will reunite. At 20th of June they will once more disband, to be reactivated before the end of the same month. This will be the 6th time they will reunite.

"...the ones who bless the sick shall fall into despair..."
Trey Azagthoth and Pete Sandoval of Morbid Angel will despair of not being able to find musicians to fill in the blanks in the band and will decide, that they will play all instruments themselves in the studio and on stage. Pete will take over singing in addition to drumming and Trey will play his guitar in such a way that it will sound like they have a bassist too.

"...the tears shall fall ever on..."
The members of the bands Flowing Tears, Lake of Tears, Eternal Tears of Sorrow and Trail of Tears will form a new band that will be called No More Tears.

"...the ones under slavery shall taste the freedom..."
Enslaved will start composing their new album that will be called "Bijeli i Crveni", and it will be a concept album about the history of Croats. The lyrics will be in ancient Croatian.

"...the demon shall meet the wizard and they will feast once again..."
John Schaffer of Iced Earth and Hansi Kuersch of Blind Guardian will form one new band that will be called Lucifer and Mage. They will claim that Demons & Wizards is rather limiting for their artistic expression, so they formed this band to explore new musical horizons. Their sound will be like early Blind Guardian and Iced Earth.

"...the evil shall get one more tool of evil..."
Kristo will ask for an Internet Connection. His parents will fight over this, as his father will want to buy an ADSL connection for Kristo, but the mother, whose female intuition will be telling her not to let her son come in touch with the rest of the world, will not agree with that. Kristo's father will kill his wife by accident, when he will hit with an Axe on her forehead, instead of her hand as he initially intended to. After that he will buy an ADSL connection for little Kristo.

...read on...