Here's a thread that's posted on our forums at Metal Reviews, shamelessly taken from the Hammerfall board.
this is the situation....there's a beautiful princess trapped in a castle watched by a dragon......here's the end of the story with different styles of metalheads as knights.....
POWER METAL:
the protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess and makes love to her in an enchanted forest
TRASH METAL:
the protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princes and f**ks her.........easy
HEAVY METAL:
the protagonist arrives on a harley, kills the dragon, drinks a few beers and f**ks the princess
FOLK METAL:
the protagonist arrives with some friends playing acordeons, violins, flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls sleep (because of all the dancing)...then all leave....without the princess
VIKING METAL:
the protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his migthy axe, skins the dragon and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals her belongings and burns the castle before leaving
DEATH METAL:
the protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, f**ks the princess and kills her, then leaves
BLACK METAL:
the protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and impales it in front of the castle.....then sodomises the princess, drinks her blood in a ritual before killing her.....then he impales the princess next to the dragon
GORE METAL:
the protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in front of the castle, f**ks the princess and kills her....then he f**ks the dead body again, slashes her belly and eats her guts.....then he f**ks the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and f**ks it for the last time
DOOM METAL:
the protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks he could never beat him, then he gets depressed and commits suicide....the dragon eats his body and the princess as dessert...that's the end of the sad story
PROGRESIVE METAL:
the protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes....the dragon kills himself out of boredom.....the protagonist arrives to the princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the technics and tunes he learned in the last year of the conservatory...the princess escapes looking for the "HEAVY METAL" protagonist
GLAM METAL:
the protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearence and let him enter.....he steals the princess make-up and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink color
(Ben's contribution)
Rap:
the protagonist arrives to the castle in his daddy's Escalade that was bought for him when he turned 16. Tim McWhitey Whiteman then blasts Lil John's Crunk Juice cd and liquifies the dragons internal organs through the thousand watt bass box. The princess then proceeds to bang Slim Icey and spend his daddy's money for the next two years until he knocks her up with octuplets and then runs off to San Francisco to be with his new found bretheren.
I rule.
Ben
this is the situation....there's a beautiful princess trapped in a castle watched by a dragon......here's the end of the story with different styles of metalheads as knights.....
POWER METAL:
the protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess and makes love to her in an enchanted forest
TRASH METAL:
the protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princes and f**ks her.........easy
HEAVY METAL:
the protagonist arrives on a harley, kills the dragon, drinks a few beers and f**ks the princess
FOLK METAL:
the protagonist arrives with some friends playing acordeons, violins, flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls sleep (because of all the dancing)...then all leave....without the princess
VIKING METAL:
the protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his migthy axe, skins the dragon and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals her belongings and burns the castle before leaving
DEATH METAL:
the protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, f**ks the princess and kills her, then leaves
BLACK METAL:
the protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and impales it in front of the castle.....then sodomises the princess, drinks her blood in a ritual before killing her.....then he impales the princess next to the dragon
GORE METAL:
the protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in front of the castle, f**ks the princess and kills her....then he f**ks the dead body again, slashes her belly and eats her guts.....then he f**ks the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and f**ks it for the last time
DOOM METAL:
the protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks he could never beat him, then he gets depressed and commits suicide....the dragon eats his body and the princess as dessert...that's the end of the sad story
PROGRESIVE METAL:
the protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes....the dragon kills himself out of boredom.....the protagonist arrives to the princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the technics and tunes he learned in the last year of the conservatory...the princess escapes looking for the "HEAVY METAL" protagonist
GLAM METAL:
the protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearence and let him enter.....he steals the princess make-up and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink color
(Ben's contribution)
Rap:
the protagonist arrives to the castle in his daddy's Escalade that was bought for him when he turned 16. Tim McWhitey Whiteman then blasts Lil John's Crunk Juice cd and liquifies the dragons internal organs through the thousand watt bass box. The princess then proceeds to bang Slim Icey and spend his daddy's money for the next two years until he knocks her up with octuplets and then runs off to San Francisco to be with his new found bretheren.
I rule.
Ben
