I dont know if anyone posted this here before, but I read this on Blabbermout.net today and almost died laughing, so true!!
It was posted by a guy named "mulder".
THE MICHAEL KISKE STORY
HELLOWEEN discuss stuff.
KAI HANSEN
I find it too difficult to play guitar and sing at the same time.
MICHAEL WEIKATH
Let's get another singer then. Let's call that kid we know.
They call MICHAEL KISKE and ask him to join.
MICHAEL KISKE.
I don't want to, your music is too heavy and fast, it hurts my ears.
HELLOWEEN then calls RALPH SCHEEPERS.
RALPH SCHEEPERS.
Sorry guys, I believe TYRAN PACE is going to be huge.
HELLOWEEN calls MICHAEL KISKE. Again.
We'll write lighter stuff and slow down a little if you join us. Much to KAI HANSEN's dismay.
MICHAEL KISKE.
OK then, but I want to write songs too. How do you say this music is called? Heavy Rock?
MICHAEL KISKE joins HELLOWEEN and they release the KEEPER OF THE SEVEN
KEYS albums. They become HUGE.
KAI HANSEN.
Management sucks, and I don't like the direction the band wants to take. I want out.
He leaves.
MICHAEL KISKE.
I am the leader now, bow down to me or I'll leave the band! Let's write a new album, it'll be called PINK BUBBLES GO APE and be lighter than the KEEPERS. I also demand to be the main writer or I'll leave the band!
HELLOWEEN.
Ok, but please don't leave us.
MICHAEL WEIKATH (Thinking)
Damn this kid, but we need him now that KAI HANSEN left.
HELLOWEEN releases PINK BUBBLES GO APE.
MICHAEL KISKE.
For the next album, I want the music to be even lighter, and with ORCHESTRA parts too. I also want acoustic guitars, lots and lots of them. And I want us to be the best ROCK POP band ever!
HELLOWEEN.
Not sure about that, you know? We are a metal band and...
MICHAEL KISKE (Interrupting).
I'll leave you!
HELLOWEEN.
OK, maybe after all it's not such a bad idea, we can experiment a little and then go back to metal.
HELLOWEEN releases CHAMELEON. It's utterly DESPISED by most fans.
MICHAEL KISKE
What? What happened? This can't be happening, we are HELLOWEEN! We are UNIQUE and FUNNY and...
METAL FANS
And ROCK POP.
MICHAEL KISKE
So what? It's all about ARTISTIC EXPRESSION and TRUE ART. You don't understand because you are morons. Only those who LIKE CHAMELEON are NOT.
MICHAEL WEIKATH (Thinking).
Ever since KAI HANSEN left I've wanted to be the leader, but this MICHAEL KISKE is in the way, now it's the time to get rid of him.
He does.
MICHAEL KISKE becomes ballistic, bitter and angry at all things metal. He snaps. Permanently. He also swears REVENGE.
KAI HANSEN calls MICHAEL KISKE.
Would you like to do some guest vocals for the upcoming GAMMA RAY album?
MICHAEL KISKE.
Yes. I need money. I've been a pauper since I LEFT HELLOWEEN by MY OWN WILL last year. Let's do it.
He does.
KISKE FANBOYS
OMG! OMG! MICHAEL KISKE is back into METAL!! We love him forever!
MICHAEL KISKE.
NO! NO! I just did that because as a FAVOR for a friend. I hate METAL! It's EVIL and stuff. I'll write a book about how the world is so corrupt and bad and how it doesn't follow MY ideas of what is TRUE ART.
MICHAEL KISKE
I'm out of money again. I haven't finished my book yet, so I can't be rich now. But once I'll publish it everyone will see me as the true and only new MESSIAH. In the meantime, I'll record an album. Problem is only METAL dorks know who I am.
I know, I'll hardrockify it! Haha, I am so GENIUS. That way no one can say I'm back into METAL.
MICHAEL KISKE requests aid from two very UNMETAL persons. KAI HANSEN and ADRIAN SMITH.
INSTANT CLARITY is released. It's accepted as an "OK" hard rock / metal album.
MICHAEL KISKE becomes angry at the METAL tag after the slash. He also publishes a BOOK. NOBODY but KISKE FANBOYS ever read it.
MICHAEL KISKE.
I announce I'm leaving the hard rock / metal scene FOREVER. My next album will be POP!
READINESS TO SACRIFICE is released. The album BLOWS and BOMBS.
MICHAEL KISKE.
No one understand what TRUE ART is anymore. METAL is corrupt and dumb and dead and noisy. TRUE ART can't be expressed through METAL. It can only be expressed through what I SAY.
TOBIAS SAMMET calls MICHAEL KISKE.
You are my idol and my role model. I have an altar with your image. Would you like to sing in a metal opera I'm working in?
MICHAEL KISKE.
Yes. But I don't want my name to appear in the credits.
TOBIAS SAMMET.
I don't get it.
MICHAEL KISKE.
I'm out of metal.
TOBIAS SAMMET.
I see, but well, this is a METAL opera and...
MICHAEL KISKE.
Shut up. I need money. I'll think of a clever pseudonym. I'll get back to you when I'm ready.
After much thought, MICHAEL KISKE comes up with the pseudonym of ERNIE.
MICHAEL KISKE.
I am such a GENIUS. No one will ever know ERNIE is me!
AVANTASIA is released. Everyone talks about MICHAEL KISKE's participation
in the album.
METAL FANS.
I thought the guy was out of metal.
MICHAEL KISKE.
I AM! You morons! Can't you see that's not me? That's ERNIE.
METAL FANS.
Uh, ok...
MICHAEL KISKE.
Just to be sure, I announce my departure from the hard rock / metal scene. Forever. Again.
TIMO TOLKKI.
I am releasing a superb solo album. I want you to sing in a song. I respect your wishes of unmetalness. So I'll make your song a sappy ballad.
MICHAEL KISKE accepts. HYMN TO LIFE is released. No one but STRATOVARIUS
fans care.
ROLAND GRAPOW and ULI KUSCH
We were kicked out of HELLOWEEN. We want you to be the singer for our band.
MICHAEL KISKE.
I'm out of metal.
ROLAND GRAPOW and ULI KUSCH.
We understand, but could you make a guest appearance? We'll pay you.
MICHAEL KISKE.
I'm in.
MASTERPLAN's debut album is released. It's widely accepted.
METAL FANS
Wait a second. Isn't that... MICHAEL KISKE? I thought he was out of metal
MICHAEL KISKE
I announce my departure from the hard rock / metal scene. Forever. Again. This time I mean it. That's why I'll record a new album with hard rock elements in it. I'll think of a catchy and clever name for it.
SUPARED is released. Only KISKE FANBOYS like it. The album BOMBS.
MICHAEL KISKE.
I know what's happening. I'm an alien in this world. My music is so advanced and genuine that just a few enlightened souls comprehend it. Therefore I know humanity will never understand TRUE ART and TRUE MUSIC, which is the one only I DO.
HARD ROCK / METAL fans.
Isn't that SUPARED album kind hard rockish? I thought MICHAEL KISKE was out of that...
SUPARED continues to recieve negative or bland reviews. MICHAEL KISKE feels himself threatened so much he releases a NEW and NEVER BEFORE seen statement.
MICHAEL KISKE.
I announce my departure from the hard rock / metal scene. Forever. Again. I don't fit.
THE END.
It was posted by a guy named "mulder".
THE MICHAEL KISKE STORY
HELLOWEEN discuss stuff.
KAI HANSEN
I find it too difficult to play guitar and sing at the same time.
MICHAEL WEIKATH
Let's get another singer then. Let's call that kid we know.
They call MICHAEL KISKE and ask him to join.
MICHAEL KISKE.
I don't want to, your music is too heavy and fast, it hurts my ears.
HELLOWEEN then calls RALPH SCHEEPERS.
RALPH SCHEEPERS.
Sorry guys, I believe TYRAN PACE is going to be huge.
HELLOWEEN calls MICHAEL KISKE. Again.
We'll write lighter stuff and slow down a little if you join us. Much to KAI HANSEN's dismay.
MICHAEL KISKE.
OK then, but I want to write songs too. How do you say this music is called? Heavy Rock?
MICHAEL KISKE joins HELLOWEEN and they release the KEEPER OF THE SEVEN
KEYS albums. They become HUGE.
KAI HANSEN.
Management sucks, and I don't like the direction the band wants to take. I want out.
He leaves.
MICHAEL KISKE.
I am the leader now, bow down to me or I'll leave the band! Let's write a new album, it'll be called PINK BUBBLES GO APE and be lighter than the KEEPERS. I also demand to be the main writer or I'll leave the band!
HELLOWEEN.
Ok, but please don't leave us.
MICHAEL WEIKATH (Thinking)
Damn this kid, but we need him now that KAI HANSEN left.
HELLOWEEN releases PINK BUBBLES GO APE.
MICHAEL KISKE.
For the next album, I want the music to be even lighter, and with ORCHESTRA parts too. I also want acoustic guitars, lots and lots of them. And I want us to be the best ROCK POP band ever!
HELLOWEEN.
Not sure about that, you know? We are a metal band and...
MICHAEL KISKE (Interrupting).
I'll leave you!
HELLOWEEN.
OK, maybe after all it's not such a bad idea, we can experiment a little and then go back to metal.
HELLOWEEN releases CHAMELEON. It's utterly DESPISED by most fans.
MICHAEL KISKE
What? What happened? This can't be happening, we are HELLOWEEN! We are UNIQUE and FUNNY and...
METAL FANS
And ROCK POP.
MICHAEL KISKE
So what? It's all about ARTISTIC EXPRESSION and TRUE ART. You don't understand because you are morons. Only those who LIKE CHAMELEON are NOT.
MICHAEL WEIKATH (Thinking).
Ever since KAI HANSEN left I've wanted to be the leader, but this MICHAEL KISKE is in the way, now it's the time to get rid of him.
He does.
MICHAEL KISKE becomes ballistic, bitter and angry at all things metal. He snaps. Permanently. He also swears REVENGE.
KAI HANSEN calls MICHAEL KISKE.
Would you like to do some guest vocals for the upcoming GAMMA RAY album?
MICHAEL KISKE.
Yes. I need money. I've been a pauper since I LEFT HELLOWEEN by MY OWN WILL last year. Let's do it.
He does.
KISKE FANBOYS
OMG! OMG! MICHAEL KISKE is back into METAL!! We love him forever!
MICHAEL KISKE.
NO! NO! I just did that because as a FAVOR for a friend. I hate METAL! It's EVIL and stuff. I'll write a book about how the world is so corrupt and bad and how it doesn't follow MY ideas of what is TRUE ART.
MICHAEL KISKE
I'm out of money again. I haven't finished my book yet, so I can't be rich now. But once I'll publish it everyone will see me as the true and only new MESSIAH. In the meantime, I'll record an album. Problem is only METAL dorks know who I am.
I know, I'll hardrockify it! Haha, I am so GENIUS. That way no one can say I'm back into METAL.
MICHAEL KISKE requests aid from two very UNMETAL persons. KAI HANSEN and ADRIAN SMITH.
INSTANT CLARITY is released. It's accepted as an "OK" hard rock / metal album.
MICHAEL KISKE becomes angry at the METAL tag after the slash. He also publishes a BOOK. NOBODY but KISKE FANBOYS ever read it.
MICHAEL KISKE.
I announce I'm leaving the hard rock / metal scene FOREVER. My next album will be POP!
READINESS TO SACRIFICE is released. The album BLOWS and BOMBS.
MICHAEL KISKE.
No one understand what TRUE ART is anymore. METAL is corrupt and dumb and dead and noisy. TRUE ART can't be expressed through METAL. It can only be expressed through what I SAY.
TOBIAS SAMMET calls MICHAEL KISKE.
You are my idol and my role model. I have an altar with your image. Would you like to sing in a metal opera I'm working in?
MICHAEL KISKE.
Yes. But I don't want my name to appear in the credits.
TOBIAS SAMMET.
I don't get it.
MICHAEL KISKE.
I'm out of metal.
TOBIAS SAMMET.
I see, but well, this is a METAL opera and...
MICHAEL KISKE.
Shut up. I need money. I'll think of a clever pseudonym. I'll get back to you when I'm ready.
After much thought, MICHAEL KISKE comes up with the pseudonym of ERNIE.
MICHAEL KISKE.
I am such a GENIUS. No one will ever know ERNIE is me!
AVANTASIA is released. Everyone talks about MICHAEL KISKE's participation
in the album.
METAL FANS.
I thought the guy was out of metal.
MICHAEL KISKE.
I AM! You morons! Can't you see that's not me? That's ERNIE.
METAL FANS.
Uh, ok...
MICHAEL KISKE.
Just to be sure, I announce my departure from the hard rock / metal scene. Forever. Again.
TIMO TOLKKI.
I am releasing a superb solo album. I want you to sing in a song. I respect your wishes of unmetalness. So I'll make your song a sappy ballad.
MICHAEL KISKE accepts. HYMN TO LIFE is released. No one but STRATOVARIUS
fans care.
ROLAND GRAPOW and ULI KUSCH
We were kicked out of HELLOWEEN. We want you to be the singer for our band.
MICHAEL KISKE.
I'm out of metal.
ROLAND GRAPOW and ULI KUSCH.
We understand, but could you make a guest appearance? We'll pay you.
MICHAEL KISKE.
I'm in.
MASTERPLAN's debut album is released. It's widely accepted.
METAL FANS
Wait a second. Isn't that... MICHAEL KISKE? I thought he was out of metal
MICHAEL KISKE
I announce my departure from the hard rock / metal scene. Forever. Again. This time I mean it. That's why I'll record a new album with hard rock elements in it. I'll think of a catchy and clever name for it.
SUPARED is released. Only KISKE FANBOYS like it. The album BOMBS.
MICHAEL KISKE.
I know what's happening. I'm an alien in this world. My music is so advanced and genuine that just a few enlightened souls comprehend it. Therefore I know humanity will never understand TRUE ART and TRUE MUSIC, which is the one only I DO.
HARD ROCK / METAL fans.
Isn't that SUPARED album kind hard rockish? I thought MICHAEL KISKE was out of that...
SUPARED continues to recieve negative or bland reviews. MICHAEL KISKE feels himself threatened so much he releases a NEW and NEVER BEFORE seen statement.
MICHAEL KISKE.
I announce my departure from the hard rock / metal scene. Forever. Again. I don't fit.
THE END.
