All the fun comes to me!

[E.O.G.]

The last one for today,I promise!

A married guy goes to the psychiatrist,and tells him,that his problem is that his wife can't enjoy the sex with him anymore,'cos he has premature ejaculation.The doctor says:
-Well,sir,here's a good idea,how to help on this.Next time,before you and your wife having sex,hide a gun under your pillow.When you start feeling that you have to go,fire the gun,the woman will be scared,and the muscles in her vagina will give her the final kick for an orgasm.
- Good idea,Doc! Thank you!
- No problem,that's my job.Come back tomorrow and tell me what happened!
Next day the guy goes back to the psychiatrist's office,and he's mad as hell!
- Fuck your stupid ideas Doctor! You ruined my whole life! I did what you told me,and you know what happened?! I felt I have to go,so I fired the gun,then she bit my dick,crapped on my face,and my best friend jumped out from the closet!!!!

 

[MattDouglas]

A guy walks into a shrinks office with a duck on his head.
The shrink says "Can I help you?"
The duck says "Yeah get this guy outta my ass!"

 

[E.O.G.]

- Mom,can I be pregnant?
- Haha...no,honey,you're only 9.
- Phew...

 

[E.O.G.]

Just an innocent but very funny joke.And I wouldn't even open a whole thread for this,if I'd be able to find my joke-thread,but somehow it disappeared,so...

Two guys,Mike and Joe talks:
- My elbow hurts like hell - says Mike - I don't wanna spend a lot of money,but I think I have to go to the doctor.
- Nah...you don't have to go to the doctor with this - says Joe - Just go to the Wal-Mart,they have this super medical diagnostic computer which can help you with your problem,you just need a urine sample,and it only costs 10 bucks!
So Mike goes to the Wal-Mart,he finds the computer,pours in the urine sample and deposits 10 dollars.A minute later the computer replies with a short message:
"You have a so-called tennis elbow.Soak it in warm water,and rest it for a while,it will gone in about two weeks.Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart."
Later at this evening Mike was wondering about how great is this technology,but what if it's not error-proof,so he decided to give it a try to make a fool out of the computer.He made a special mix of tap water,urine samples from his dog,from his daughter,and from his wife,and he put his own sperm in it.He took the mix to the Wal-Mart,poured it in the computer,deposited the 10 bucks,and waited for the answer.A few minutes later the computer replied with the following message:
"1,Your tap water is too hard.Use some water softener,you can find it on aisle 7.
2,Your dog has heartworm.Give him some heartworm medicine,you can find it on aisle 12.
3,Your daughter has a cocaine habit.Get her to rehab.
4,Your wife is pregnant.Twins,one boy,one girl.They're not from you.Get a lawyer.
5,If you don't stop masturbating this frequently,your elbow never gets better.
Thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart!"

 

[Noelia Croft]

Hahahaha, amazing!

 

[Metallicat180]

You obviously didn't look too hard. It was on the second page. I merged it for you.

 

[E.O.G.]

I swear to you I was looking on the 2nd page,but dunno why,only the upper half of the page got downloaded,so I didn't see the thread.Here's your prize:

And if the thread is here again,then here's some funny pics for you and for everyone: