I got a couple new thoughts, but it's more centered around pissing while standing up. Pissing whilst standing is a matter of convenience for some, but for most is it really all that convenient? Now don't approach me with your condescension, that it's easy to hit the bowl 100% of the time. There's many variables at play when it comes to taking the Iguana to Maui. Two variables in particular I would like to discuss.
A) The semi-cockductor; This is when for reasons unknown (usually in the morn) you have a semi and are unable to aim in a direct manner. Such errant trajectory often leads to run off, and at certain points even a drizzle effect on your Fruit of the Loom MIchael Jordan collection underoos. Just the other week I arose at 3am to hammer out some Chinese Herbal Pee, and my 4 inch Monty left my skivvy's as soaked as a traveling nurse panging over the memory of a lost love. I literally had to don another pair as I peered down at a donut sized soak on my crotch. Why? Because I pissed standing up. I'm starting to find this quite unproductive.
B) The post coital drain; After getting your freak on from an evening of clowning on your mistress/girlfriend/prostitute/erm the wife, one is saddled with the need to let loose of those 4 happy hour margaritas one got over some Jamaican food. The Bataan marching batter drums a slow sullen beat down your road of inoculation, usually interfering with the piss pressure of one's piping. This causes a tuning fork effect, parting a portion of the golden elixir to veer off course and usually outside of the bowl. Ever go to a ball game and see a puddle of piss between the urinals? This is infeasible, taking the positioning of the urinals in to play. Even though I have waltzed in to a stall on many occasion and have found streaks of shat on the seat itself, the commonality of the errant piss drop is far too every day to write off as intentional. There's just no controlling it. Therefore, why piss standing up? Because we can? Sure it's convenient, but the convenience is negated by the 15 seconds it takes to wipe around the bowl with tissue to clean up any droplets that failed to hit the targeted reservoir. All it takes is 2 seconds to sit down folks. I'll still continue to piss whilst standing, but why, I'll never know.
